Is he into me?

  • Oct 19, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    Alright so I'll do my best to keep this short. I met a guy a few months ago and at first I had no interest at all. About a month after that initial meeting he came up to me while at a volunteer event and was very friendly. This is when I started falling for him. I guess just because he showed some interest and that got me interested.

    We then saw each other again a few days later at a meeting for that volunteer organization and he made it a point to sign up for the same events as me. He also commented on how I was sitting, with my lags spread out. These were the first times I thought he could be interested in me. But beyond that he doesn't do anything stereotypically gay so I don't know. Also, I sometimes get the feeling that he touches me a lot. Or doesn't mind being close, but I guess that could be just because he's comfortable enough with his own sexuality that he doesn't care. Last week while taking a picture for an article, he threw his arm around me and grabbed my butt for a little longer than I think a straight guy should. Obviously playful but is it normal for a closeted guy to be so forward or is this something straight guys do?

    Fast forward a few weeks without contact, at the volunteer event he was extremely talkative and then asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him and his friend. I said sure and we did. At this point I still can't figure out if he's just friendly and my own desire is making me see things that aren't there. During the movie there was a point when he looked over at me and for some reason I thought I saw something. He also always repeats what I say to that friend if that friend walked up after we had been talking or something which is another sign in my opinion that he's interested in what I say.

    After that, he went back home (2000 miles away) to visit his family. So we went about a month with no contact.

    Since we've both been back he does randomly text me things that I'd consider to be unnecessary (things he could google or ask someone else). Anyway, I keep going back and forth because when we're together he seems friendly and when he texts he seems somewhat interested ( He always responds, even to things that don't require a response. He uses a lot of lol's and haha's but that could just be what he does.)

    As far as hanging out goes, we've hung out only a couple times over the last 2 months. Every time we see each other he ends with "We need to get together this weekend..." but then it doesn't seem like he puts in much of an effort to make it actually happen. We've both been a bit flaky, canceling on each other, but he does more often (Although he is always very apologetic and reschedules and I know that he's very busy and these aren't just excuses).

    Anyway my issue is that I go back and forth and can't figure out if he's just friendly or if he's into me or what. There are a few other small things that could lend toward either a yes or a no, but this is the gist of it. For instance, he always has follow up questions wanting to know a bit more about stuff I say than I told. Probably nothing but there's a part of me that feels like he wouldn't bother if he wasn't interested.

    I'm just wondering how I should proceed. It's driving me crazy because every time I lean one way or another he says or does something to make me go back on the fence. He also makes comments about stuff he wants to do a year from now ( classes he wants me to save for when we can take them together, etc.), but honestly this is driving me crazy and I don't want to waste my time for another year.

    How can I know if he's into me or not and what should I do in the meantime?

  • Oct 19, 2013 7:53 PM GMT
    Too risky. Plus I'm not the initiator type.
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    Oct 19, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    What about finding a way to tell him that you're gay? If he is, that could help move things forward.
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    Oct 19, 2013 8:43 PM GMT
    The worst answer you can get is no, but you'll never know unless you ask.
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    Oct 19, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    To be honest, I think the guy is probably straight and just wants to be your friend. There is nothing in your post that really suggests that he is gay - it seems like you are reading way to much into his actions/words because you like him. Some straight gays are just more touchy-feely than others.

    As the others have said, the only way forward is for you to be forward and find out where you stand.

    I would recommend considering him a friend, unless he suddenly starts overtly flirting with you, and find a guy for dating that you know with certainty is gay.
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    Oct 20, 2013 1:39 AM GMT
    look at his eyes, where are they going. When he makes eye contact with you, does he linger longer then he should? The eyes always, Always gives it away. Guys who are interested always tend to gaze longer then normal.
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    Oct 20, 2013 1:42 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidYou may not be the type, but you'd better become the type or you're going to have a lot of trouble in the future. Just throw your shoulders back, stand up a little straighter, and say, "Dude, I need to find this out, because I really like you, so I want to know if you're into me or just want to be friends."

    Such a wise old fish ;)
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Oct 20, 2013 8:23 AM GMT
    coolstorybro441 saidAlright so I'll do my best to keep this short.

    That was your best? really?

    Anyhow, like others said there's really not much to go on either way. I gather you are in college, so there are two recommended courses of action: Tell him you like guys, or get him shitfaced and see what happens.