1 part or breaking a relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 9:06 AM GMT
    This is a long post but it is very important, so I apologize for the long read.I’m in the military so I can’t exactly talk about this to anyone. So please, please someone help.

    I haven't posted a forum in a very long time, been to places around the world and have seen many horrible things. When they ask you to serve your country, they never tell you what hate you will see. They never tell you what horrible things you will see.
    I regret doing a lot over here, we all regret things we do. One thing I've done recently has kept me down lately. I didn't know the full extent till I logged on here. Like I said I've done things I'm not so proud of, this shouldn't get me down but it does.
    I have a friend, a very good friend that knows what I'm going through and knows how it is here. My friend had an idea, an idea I knew sounded bad but I guess it sounded fine at the time. He had an idea to break a relationship up. I guess one of the guys he has always had a crush on. The other... well the other I guess wasn't so faithful. I guess he was convincing his friend that the other guy was using him and playing him. Nothing seemed to work and his crush didn’t believe a word. Soon my friend comes to me and asks me if I can message the un-faithful one and ask him when he last slept with someone. I did, I did exactly what my friend asked. Soon my curiosity made me look to see who the other person was. I then learned that the other guy was this great guy I used to talk to on realjock. I knew what this guy went through and I felt the need to stop this game after I learned who I was dealing with.. I told the un-faithful that I was brought to message him, I was brought buy another friend to break up his relationship. The guy then blames the wrong person. Everything blows up and now the great guy I once knew hates me and is alone heart broken. The un-faithful, well I guess he didn't care because now he is in love with someone else, just like that.I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or break anything up. I made a bad judgment and two sweet guys have to suffer for it, or at least one. All that happened was an innocent sweet guy was blamed. Was blamed for being me, was blamed for being my friend.It wasn’t his fault damn it, he was just standing by his man.

    Sorry for the long post but damn I feel bad, both these guys looked so cute together. The one I knew, from what I remember has been waiting for love all his life. What have I done. I may not be the main person responsible, but I did cause a perfect match to fall apart. Does anyone have any advice, should I have asked who where the guys involved before I opened my mouth? Should I have let my petty friend be alone on this one?
    I should have told my friend to leave things alone. Just because he had a crush on someone taken, he didn’t have to ruin it. If a relationship fails it should be the fault of couple, not some jerks trying to play games.

    What do I do, please help
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 3:43 PM GMT


    "Soon my curiosity made me look to see who the other person was. I then learned that the other guy was this great guy I used to talk to on realjock."

    ...this is where I got lost. Could we name all the parties involved with letters? A,B ,C and D?


    -Doug

    "I, A, have a friend, a very good friend that knows what I'm going through and knows how it is here, B. My friend, B had an idea, an idea I, A, knew sounded bad but I guess it sounded fine at the time. He had an idea to break a relationship up. I guess one of the guys he has always had a crush on, C. The other, D,... well the other I guess wasn't so faithful. I guess he, B, was convincing his friend, C, that the other guy, D, was using him and playing him. Nothing seemed to work and his crush, C, didn’t believe a word. Soon my friend, B, comes to me and asks me if I can message the un-faithful one, D, and ask him when he last slept with someone. I did, I did exactly what my friend, B, asked. Soon my curiosity made me look to see who the other person was....... C, or D??. I then learned that the other guy was this great guy I used to talk to on realjock. I knew what this guy went through and I felt the need to stop this game after I learned who I was dealing with.. I told the un-faithful that I was brought to message him, I was brought buy another friend to break up his relationship. The guy then blames the wrong person.


  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Nov 29, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    Curiosity killed the cat.
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    Nov 29, 2008 4:05 PM GMT
    Like meninlove I also found your post a bit difficult to follow. BTW, I know where you're stationed, was there myself as an Army Major for C&GSC. I always found the ugly old DB to be a depressing backdrop for the place, and seeing the jump-suited grocery baggers at the commissary. (arealjock will know these references)

    Since I may not correctly understand the complexities of your situation, I'll comment on something else that struck me about your story, and that you yourself alluded to, when you began your post with references to "horrible things." Perhaps you're overreacting due to delayed combat stress.

    This may not be so much about the actual situation you describe, but about YOU and your response to it. You may be making too much of it. I'm not sure your blame is that great; these things happen, and if your intentions were good, then don't torture yourself over it.

    Instead, look to correcting the root cause of your feelings. You may have PTSD, very common with our soldiers right now. It's not the career-ender it once was to ask for a medical evaluation. It wouldn't hurt to look into it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    WOW! It's life lesson for you. The guy sees this as an act of betrayal. You gave his bf a message on the pretense of breaking up a relationship which really none of your business.icon_rolleyes.gif

    Why you would agree to get in the middle is a head shaker!

    Now you lost a friend as a result.

    Next time don't get in the middle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    People come and go. You can count on losing your boyfriend the same way you got him.

    Don't worry about these guys. Don't get in the middle. You messaged him. People put so much thought into petty text messaging. It means nothing and you don't get to know someone through an internet site.

    Get out of the military. Get on with you life.
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    Nov 29, 2008 5:57 PM GMT
    I'm very stupid. I've read this guy's story twice and I still don't understand what he's supposed to have done. Perhaps one of you could draw a Venn diagram, I'm sure that would help.

    Oh, well. C'est la vie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidCuriosity killed the cat.


    Simple yet dominating words.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    Sad. I've dealt with third parties who did not respect me or my relationship and sought to disrupt it. I stil don't understand the thought process -- participating in destroying another persons happiness. Why?

    I know you're a good guy and although the post was hard to follow, I think you feel bad, which is part of the lesson. Focus on inner-beauty my friend.
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    Nov 29, 2008 7:41 PM GMT
    I read your post carefully and I THINK I figured out the story. Basically you're feeling really guilty. Yes, you did allow yourself to get pulled into being part of a really shady and mean-spirited plan. Yes, it was wrong. Perhaps it was easier to play along when the other players were faceless unknowns but when you realized it was a real person whose life you were screwing with it suddenly all came into perspective. And you were unable to put the rabbit back into the hat.

    The fact that you feel so terrible about it tells us you are a basically a decent guy who sees the error of his ways. As said earlier, see it as a life lesson. The big problem seems to be how you can forgive yourself and move on. The guys you hurt may never forgive you (or maybe with time they might) but you need to acknowledge you messed up, experience how crappy that feels and determine to really be careful in future.

    As for your war experience, I too can relate having served in the South African army for two years - no picnic. I'm sure the stress of your wartime experiences makes this present issue feel even more loaded. Be careful to separate the two and get some support when you get home to deal with any possible trauma. It's absolutely normal to have the feelings you're experiencing. Just don't let them poison you.

    good luck to you, bud.
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    Nov 29, 2008 7:52 PM GMT
    Sorry guys....

    Longs storry short, there was a couple, a very cute couple.
    Him and I tried to get one of the guys to confess he was recently with other
    people. To make it easier

    Me:- Guy A
    friend: -Guy B
    Guy in relationship I chatted with - Guy C
    Guy in relationship I tried to trap -Guy D


    I have this friend(Guy B)in the service with me(Guy A)This friend of mine had a crush on one of these guys in the relationship. My friend tried breaking it up over and over again. Nothing seemed to work so he got another involved (me). I was asked to trap one of the guys(Guy D) and to make him confess being with other people. After I agreed I didnt bother to see both guys in the relationship. I then looked at one's profile and found a guy that it was only obvious they were dating. I was shocked, shocked because the guys in the relationship, I had chatted with one of them years ago(Guy C). By then it was too late, I already said what I said. I then messaged the guy(Guy D)and told him I only contacted him to trap him. I apologized and in turn he blames the guy he is dating(Guy C). They break up horribly it seems, and I feel at fault.
    The guy(Guy C) that was good and true the whole time was being blamed for this stupid game. Soon the relationship is over and the guy I used to talk to is heart broken through no fault of his own. (Guy D) seems to think (Guy C) was part of this scam. I repeatedly messaged (Guy D) to tell him that (Guy C) Doen't know what is going on. (Guy C) sends me a message about (Guy D) blaming him and breaking this off.(Guy C) is one of the most loyal sweet guys you will ever talk to, wish we had more people like that in the service. He is perfect all around, may have a temper but he is very attractive, yet very committed to who ever he is with.
    I'm sorry for all the code words but this is the only way you can understand. What ever the case, (Guy C) was the one that paid the price in all this. Someone that did nothing but stand by their man was blamed for all of this. It's sad and I can't believe what I've done. Damn another long email, sorry once again.

    I want to get these two back together, They look perfect with each other. From what I know about (Guy c) he doesn't date unless the guy is all around a great guy. (Guy c) wants a serious relationship, and only goes after people with that same mentality. This is what makes it worse, they both seem so perfect for one another and I fucked up. (Guy D) never revealed getting with anyone, I believe he was faithful the whole time in all this. It's sad what we did, broke up a perfect couple. On the other had, It seems (Guy D) is automatically in love with another person on here. I don't know if (Guy D) wanted to blame (Guy C) so he can pursue a new guy or (Guy D) wasn't who (Guy C) thought he was. If this is true (Guy B) my friend was right all along.

    Sorry one again for the long email but I lost my soul mate, He fought along side me and died in Iraq. Now I feel I broke love, I one that lost it
    had to be the reason things are over with two sweet guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 9:05 PM GMT
    You've learned your lesson. Don't do it again. Move on.
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    Nov 29, 2008 9:19 PM GMT


    Oh boy, It appears guy D didn't want to believe you when you said guy C didn't know anything about this mess. Has anyone taken a hard look at guy B - the instigator- and asked him what this was all about? This was really up to guy B, to talk to C and D and not involve you at all.

    You naively messed up. Lesson here is to not take info based on hearsay and act on it, which in this case came from guy B.

    Quite frankly, a sit down with guy B, C and even D (though D is probably unlikely) may clear the air after everyone gets rip-roaring mad at Mr B! Man I wouldn't want to be in B's shoes....

    -Doug
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    Nov 29, 2008 9:23 PM GMT
    Well, arealjock, you didn't act responsibly, but don't give yourself too much credit. Relationships don't break up because of infidelity and lies, they get to that point because a relationship hasn't been nurtured. You did make a mistake in getting involved, but it sounds like the relationship was on the rocks anyways. There is a reason each of the outside parties was let in to make such a mess. You did get involved where it wasn't your place, to antagonize the issues in the relationship, but if it was worth fighting for ya'll wouldn't have made such a mess. It's not JUST your fault. You've learned your lesson. Don't get involved in other people's love lives. Don't analyze this too much. I'm a big believer that we all get the love we want if we don't get in it's way. So the exes will find what they need. Just understand your mistake and move on from it.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 29, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    Guy A is arealjock

    Guy B is supposedly someone else.

    Guy C is anonymous

    Guy D is anonymous


    Will this end already?


    Edited at the request of the culprit.
  • JohnG16775

    Posts: 235

    Nov 29, 2008 10:03 PM GMT
    It sounds like you are really a great guy. You are serving our Country this shows how noble you really are. I know things seem bad now but forgive yourself. Stay in the military if you want but whats very important to me anyway is the fact that you served, you found love serving and lost him to war. He was also serving his country. Now you got mixed up in a bad situation, forgive yourself and try and apologize to your friends. You are a noble man and I think you are great.

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    Nov 29, 2008 10:03 PM GMT


    coolarmydude, arealjock was looking for advice and insight into his situation, and by using letters was attempting discretion and keeping the focus on helping himself.

    There's nothing wrong with that, and hey areal feels bad. Can't we just help the guy out? His soul mate died!

    Here's arealjock's quote,

    "Sorry one again for the long email but I lost my soul mate, He fought along side me and died in Iraq."

    coolarmydude, here is another quote, for you from Shakespeare:

    "'The better part of valour is discretion.."

    and
    valour - the qualities of a hero or heroine; exceptional or heroic courage when facing danger (especially in battle); "he showed great heroism in battle"; "he received a medal for valor"
    gallantry, heroism, valiance, valiancy, valor, valorousness
    braveness, bravery, courage, courageousness - a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear.

    -Doug of meninlove

    PS apologies, but I'm a little steamed that you would do this 'outing' of some very distraught people!



  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 29, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    When you are friends with someone you do not get involved in their lovelife
    because if you do
    for whatever reason .... the other guy's an asshole
    the other guy is even cheating on your friend

    you're going to Lose your friend because come hell or high water your friend is going to resent you for it
    he's going to patch things up maybe
    he's going to question your motives

    but whatever the reason he's going to wind up no longer your friend
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    Nov 29, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    (guy c) wont answer my messages

    (guy b) has police report/ restraining order against him from (guy c) because of stalking and harrassment. I guess (guy b) has done this before to (guy c) and this time (guy c) has had enough.

    (guy d) well he blames (guy c) for all of this and now he is with someone else as if to spite (guy c) with his new love.



    what happened is really fucked up... (guy c) is the one that was used and abused in all this. Didn't even do anything wrong, I guess his looks were against him on this one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 10:32 PM GMT
    All very peculiar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2008 10:36 PM GMT
    Guy C deserves a break.

    What's sad is guy D didn't believe the most important person in all of this, guy C.

    However Doug and Bill of meninlove believe in fairness, what's right, and love in all its strengths, both hidden and obvious. We're holding out that things will resolve to the best of possible conclusions.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 30, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    meninlove said, "coolarmydude, here is another quote, for you from Shakespeare:

    "'The better part of valour is discretion.."

    and
    valour - the qualities of a hero or heroine; exceptional or heroic courage when facing danger (especially in battle); "he showed great heroism in battle"; "he received a medal for valor"
    gallantry, heroism, valiance, valiancy, valor, valorousness
    braveness, bravery, courage, courageousness - a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear.

    -Doug of meninlove

    PS apologies, but I'm a little steamed that you would do this 'outing' of some very distraught people!"




    Food for thought: Who put the laundry out in RJ? Each and every one of the parties involved. If they wanted discretion, we wouldn't be commenting on all this.
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    Nov 30, 2008 5:03 AM GMT


    We're referring to this topic (thread) and this one only- in keeping with areal's desire to present his worry in an aspect that wouldn't open up the entire scenario again to the detriment of others. In this case, areal needed some kind help and words. Truly, it makes for a happier world to lend a comforting shoulder now and then.

    Even the best of us needs a little solace, and so many say that
    this site has guys that give it freely, which is partly what makes this place so completely unique!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2008 4:52 PM GMT
    Thanks for the help guys, I'm still kind of down about this but at least knowing both guys I broke up are someone happy. I still wish, wish that I can get these guys back together. One is obviously pretending to like another guy just to get the other one worked up. I think it's pretty fucked up that right after things break someone already loves another. That poor guy doesn't know what he is getting into.
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    Dec 02, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    i don't think i understand this situation. suffice it to say, you shouldn't have gotten involved, regardless of whether you knew the people or not. but you know that, which is why you have regret.

    what do you do now?

    learn.

    don't repeat.

    there's not much else you can do. the only good from this is that you feel bad.