I would like to date another black man

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 5:11 AM GMT
    So my appreciation for the hotness of black men has gone up a lot, especially working in a mostly black org and seeing so many hot black guys in NYC. icon_razz.gif

    I see myself dating/settling down with another black man (or an Asian or mixed man), I just haven't really seen any models for healthy relationships between two black men in the community.

    I also feel that being in a relationship with another black man would segregate me to the black gay scene and that is not what I want (but in NYC, that may be impossible anyway, as there is no sizable black gay scene as there is in Atlanta).

    I get discouraged because all the good black gay men I meet are strictly religious and/or closeted and so wouldn't go on dates with me or signify that we are together anyway.

    When I go to black gay bars, or gay bars with a good amount of black guys, a lot of the guys are on that DL, sleazy tip, knowing full well they are married or have a girlfriend or something. Also, most of the men I meet are WAY older than me (we are talking 20-30 years age difference) and that just can't work.

    If black women are looking around bewildered and wondering, "Where are all the good black men?", I don't even want to imagine what gay black men who are looking to seriously date other black men are experiencing.

    Yes, I am attracted to pretty much all races of men (as evidenced by my Hot List), but I would like to date another black man, and this is the reality I am faced with.

    Thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    that's nice
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    somersault saidthat's nice


    anything else to add?
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    ViciousRumor saidLol good luck. You won't meet a whole bunch. There aren't a lot of them out of the closet.


    This is NY though. A lot of out guys here.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 5:28 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidAny particular reason you're restricting yourself as to race?


    I'm not restricting myself really, as I love all races, but I would LIKE to date another black man (as in, attempt to), at least at this point in my life.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 5:37 AM GMT
    ViciousRumor said
    Aristoshark saidAny particular reason you're restricting yourself as to race?


    Plenty of white guys do the same and no one questions them.


    BURN!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 24, 2013 5:44 AM GMT
    I can understand that you like all races and just want another experience but just remember, people are people so race shouldn't determine things (I'm not saying you're doing that, just saying for the record).

    Anyway, I'm sure there are some openly black gay men but unfortunately, it might be a bit of a challenge. With the few black guys I've met, 2 of them were "DL" and the other one, he claimed he was "straight" but he wasn't on the "DL". He confused me because I thought he was gay and one day, he was talking and said he wanted to end up with a wife. So I asked him if he was "bi" perhaps and he outright said no, he's straight. I didn't want to argue so yeah... That really puzzled me.

    But you're in New York and surely, there are plenty of guys who are open. So don't get discouraged. Good luck. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    Dont hold your breath... being a " black " gay male and wanting to date another " black " gay man can be much like Being a " black " gay man wanting to date a " white " gay man.... basically alot of hot black and mulatto men ( and even the not so hot ones ) dont want anything to do with dating their own race... kinda like the " asian guys only wanting white guys " thread that deki made.....
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 6:32 AM GMT
    CopperDevil saidDont hold your breath... being a " black " gay male and wanting to date another " black " gay man can be much like Being a " black " gay man wanting to date a " white " gay man.... basically alot of hot black and mulatto men ( and even the not so hot ones ) dont want anything to do with dating their own race... kinda like the " asian guys only wanting white guys " thread that deki made.....


    What has been your experience as a mixed race young male in the "community"? Who do you find gravitates to you more?
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    Oct 24, 2013 7:07 AM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    CopperDevil saidDont hold your breath... being a " black " gay male and wanting to date another " black " gay man can be much like Being a " black " gay man wanting to date a " white " gay man.... basically alot of hot black and mulatto men ( and even the not so hot ones ) dont want anything to do with dating their own race... kinda like the " asian guys only wanting white guys " thread that deki made.....


    What has been your experience as a mixed race young male in the "community"? Who do you find gravitates to you more?


    To be completely honest it really depends. Out of all the attractive men i've had make effort to reach out to me I have had many latin-mestizo men show me attention both in real life and online, a couple of middle eastern men, and white guys ( talking to one at the moment actually and also the first guy to ever ask me out was white) but i can honestly say i have seen more prejudice from my own race of men against their own than actually white men ! ( not to say that i havent seen prejudice from white men too ). For instance, when i used to go gay clubbing with my friends I'd get hit on by men all the time, the most memorable man to show serious interest was a guy who was half pacific islander and white..... i had white guys try to dance with me as well and even a couple had crushes on me, a mestizo guy asked me out once while i was there too.... but not ONCE in the 2 years that i went there with my friends did i ever have a black guy talk to me ..trust me there were plenty of blacks and mulatto guys who went there but they all only wanted to exclusively date white guys.

    I once was having a talk with one of my white gay friends about what type of men we gravitate to in general. Before i could open my mouth to answer him he blurted out to answer for me " white guys " ... and then i corrected him and said actually guys of my mulattoes, blacks, and creoles are really my first gravitation. He seemed shocked that i said this because he had never heard another person of color put his race first in terms of attraction. He told me that he had dated several black men and none of them them had any mindset close to mine.

    Also even here on realjock. I have seen threads where people criticize white men for stating that they dont want to date black guys or asian guys ... or that they'd rather date white guys ...and you know what ? On an whole i have seen more black men, mixed men and ethnic men in general say those same things against there own race in there profiles, but i have yet to see a white man say in his profile " No whites !!!! dont message me !!! " ....Seriously.

    And then to make matters worse it seems that when ever i do actually get a black guy to notice me its because i'm " lighter " then him ( even though i'm not even THAT light skinned i'm more medium copper like my name ) or because of my long curly mixed looking hair. Basically if I looked like Alek wek they wouldnt be talking to me... in fact just the other day two mulatto guys viewed my profile and in their description they said they preferred everything BUT men with black blood... my own race said this .... I bet white guys dont have to deal with that as nearly was we do ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 7:12 AM GMT
    These fucking race threads are annoying.. I get hit on by tons is whites,blacks,Asians,whites,Latinos,frenchies.. they're all just guys..what's the big deal??
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    Oct 24, 2013 8:17 AM GMT
    ViciousRumor said
    Aristoshark saidAny particular reason you're restricting yourself as to race?


    Plenty of white guys do the same and no one questions them.


    Exactly because it's called preference and everyone is entitled to it. Hope the OP finds the black man of his dreams!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    That's like finding a needle in a haystack. As already has been stated, a lot of black men are closeted and prefer to sneak around, rather than come out and be honest.

    As for the ones that do come out, they usually are the type that end up dating outside their race, as a lot of out and proud black men are educated, suburban types that are considered "too white" to be attractive to a lot of black men. Even just being out of the closet is considered too much of a cultural gap for a lot of black men. Most want a down low thug, that's just the harsh truth. Until more gay black men can man up, come out the closet and refuse to hide do to cultural and religious reasons, the odds of finding a relationship with a good one are pretty nil.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 2:32 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidno offense but you aren't looking hard enough. i never understood why guys who live in new york city complain about this. there's like 8 million people in nyc which is a small area compared to somewhere like the state of new jersey that has as much people.


    It's actually much harder to find people here, because you know, everyone is running around like a rat with its head chopped off. Also, I've already done the black and black-centric bar scene and it is tired, like I said in my OP.

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Oct 24, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    CopperDevil said
    Dopeamine said
    CopperDevil saidDont hold your breath... being a " black " gay male and wanting to date another " black " gay man can be much like Being a " black " gay man wanting to date a " white " gay man.... basically alot of hot black and mulatto men ( and even the not so hot ones ) dont want anything to do with dating their own race... kinda like the " asian guys only wanting white guys " thread that deki made.....


    What has been your experience as a mixed race young male in the "community"? Who do you find gravitates to you more?


    To be completely honest it really depends. Out of all the attractive men i've had make effort to reach out to me I have had many latin-mestizo men show me attention both in real life and online, a couple of middle eastern men, and white guys ( talking to one at the moment actually and also the first guy to ever ask me out was white) but i can honestly say i have seen more prejudice from my own race of men against their own than actually white men ! ( not to say that i havent seen prejudice from white men too ). For instance, when i used to go gay clubbing with my friends I'd get hit on by men all the time, the most memorable man to show serious interest was a guy who was half pacific islander and white..... i had white guys try to dance with me as well and even a couple had crushes on me, a mestizo guy asked me out once while i was there too.... but not ONCE in the 2 years that i went there with my friends did i ever have a black guy talk to me ..trust me there were plenty of blacks and mulatto guys who went there but they all only wanted to exclusively date white guys.

    I once was having a talk with one of my white gay friends about what type of men we gravitate to in general. Before i could open my mouth to answer him he blurted out to answer for me " white guys " ... and then i corrected him and said actually guys of my mulattoes, blacks, and creoles are really my first gravitation. He seemed shocked that i said this because he had never heard another person of color put his race first in terms of attraction. He told me that he had dated several black men and none of them them had any mindset close to mine.

    Also even here on realjock. I have seen threads where people criticize white men for stating that they dont want to date black guys or asian guys ... or that they'd rather date white guys ...and you know what ? On an whole i have seen more black men, mixed men and ethnic men in general say those same things against there own race in there profiles, but i have yet to see a white man say in his profile " No whites !!!! dont message me !!! " ....Seriously.

    And then to make matters worse it seems that when ever i do actually get a black guy to notice me its because i'm " lighter " then him ( even though i'm not even THAT light skinned i'm more medium copper like my name ) or because of my long curly mixed looking hair. Basically if I looked like Alek wek they wouldnt be talking to me... in fact just the other day two mulatto guys viewed my profile and in their description they said they preferred everything BUT men with black blood... my own race said this .... I bet white guys dont have to deal with that as nearly was we do ...


    That is rough. Well, the good thing, from what I can tell, is that because you are "exotic" many different kinds of men are attracted to you (that half Pacific Islander half white guy... sounds like he was hot!) And Latino Mestizo guys icon_wink.gif so you may just benefit from your "otherness", so to speak, in the long run and have a larger (and spicier) pool to choose from.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
    I hope you find yourself a really nice guy.
    The right man for you could be any race.. just as long as you keep an open mind.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Oct 24, 2013 3:47 PM GMT
    When I was younger and dating, I dated two black guys. I didn't restrict my dating to only one race or my race.
    Some guys do only date within their race, or only one race - and that's their choice.
    I think there maybe a perception that more white men only date other white men for the reason that you mention - they may not encounter many black men to date.
    I guess I don't understand why we make such a big deal out of what race gay men choose to date. Seems like, as gay men, we should be more open and understanding to acceptance of differences and not be concerned about what others choose to do.
    Date who you like, guys that you're attracted to, that interest you. You don't need to offer any explanation to anyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    Thoughts?


    Keep looking. You can't solve all of society's problems with racism and homophobia all by yourself, you'll have to work around them.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Oct 24, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    then date black men... why do u need us to validate u?
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Oct 24, 2013 6:09 PM GMT
    Sone said
    Import saidthen date black men... why do u need us to validate u?


    You dead behind the eyes hoes definitely don't read.


    nor do I care if the OP wants to date black/white/asian or not.
    *yawn


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2013 6:20 PM GMT
    I can see how that would be frustrating. I feel your pain; just keep looking.

    Or you could sit back and let them find you?
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    May 08, 2014 9:58 PM GMT
    GOOD!
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    May 09, 2014 11:33 PM GMT
    "I just haven't really seen any models for healthy relationships between two black men in the community."

    There should be and there probably is. It's just not as visible as other couples.

    Be happy with who you are. Try to be happy.

    :-)
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    May 09, 2014 11:59 PM GMT
    I still haven't had sex with a black man..
    The black dudes here are straight from africa. They are so different than african americans.. There is something more "wild" about them. I see em sometimes walking down the street with these super tight jeans and these huge bulges.
    Damn!
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 10, 2014 3:30 AM GMT
    I'm black :3