Performance anxiety

  • swimmer243

    Posts: 5

    Oct 24, 2013 6:27 PM GMT
    Alright so this is kind of embarrassing but basically, long story short, I've been seeing this guy lately, we've gone on a few dates and twice now we've ended up in bed together, but both times I couldn't get it up. I'm newly out though and this is the first guy I've really been intimate with sexually, so I'm chalking it up to performance anxiety. It's not like I'm not turned on because there's always plenty of precum in my shorts, it's just getting the actual erection that I can't seem to do.

    Anybody have any tips on overcoming it, or been in a similar situation? I really like this guy and I'm attracted to him but I'm worried if he keeps noticing I'm always limp down there it'll make him lose interest or make him think I'm not interested. I'm still able to pleasure him though (and I enjoy it too) so I guess that's why he keeps coming back for more lol
  • swimmer243

    Posts: 5

    Oct 25, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    Pretty sure he's exclusively a top, and I don't mind bottoming but I don't want to always be stuck in that role. We haven't gotten to that point yet though - so far we've only done oral (me on him obviously)
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    Oct 25, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    You might want to talk truthfully to him about this. Getting it out in the open should do a lot to reduce your anxiety. I'm assuming you can get an erection at other times when there is no outside stress.
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    Oct 25, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    viagra.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    Remove him from the equation for a second. Are you able to get a woody when you're wanking to porn or something? If so, then you're peen is working fine and yes, it's just nerves.

    Here's what you can do to get more excited while with him:

    1. Don't think about your penis. I know it may be hard to do but it's all in your head (pardon the many puns)

    2. Try sleeping over and getting it on in the morning. That's when men are the most horny. 99% you'll have a morning wood.

    3. Someone said Viagra but I heard Cialis is better.

    4. If you CAN'T get it up when alone and wanking, go see a doctor. But with your age, chances are its all in your....wait for it.....head.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Oct 25, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    swimmer243 saidPretty sure he's exclusively a top, and I don't mind bottoming but I don't want to always be stuck in that role. We haven't gotten to that point yet though - so far we've only done oral (me on him obviously)


    he won't perform oral sex on you? or you aren't getting hard from it?
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 25, 2013 8:58 AM GMT
    killercliche said
    swimmer243 saidPretty sure he's exclusively a top, and I don't mind bottoming but I don't want to always be stuck in that role. We haven't gotten to that point yet though - so far we've only done oral (me on him obviously)

    he won't perform oral sex on you? or you aren't getting hard from it?

    Yes! RJ world is holding its breath in anticipation of the answer to that question.
  • swimmer243

    Posts: 5

    Oct 25, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    killercliche said
    swimmer243 saidPretty sure he's exclusively a top, and I don't mind bottoming but I don't want to always be stuck in that role. We haven't gotten to that point yet though - so far we've only done oral (me on him obviously)


    he won't perform oral sex on you? or you aren't getting hard from it?

    He hasn't attempted it because I haven't gotten hard with him yet.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 25, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    Ok, so my suggestion is you ask this guy to give you a sensual massage. The idea being to get you to relax all over your body. Sometimes we make 'sex' such a big deal in our minds that we get all up tight about it. What it really amounts to is making ourselves and our partner feel good all over.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Oct 25, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    swimmer243 said
    killercliche said
    swimmer243 saidPretty sure he's exclusively a top, and I don't mind bottoming but I don't want to always be stuck in that role. We haven't gotten to that point yet though - so far we've only done oral (me on him obviously)


    he won't perform oral sex on you? or you aren't getting hard from it?

    He hasn't attempted it because I haven't gotten hard with him yet.



    Uh.... that doesn't really make sense to me.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Oct 25, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    So, if you've been with the guy a couple of times, he has to know you're having an issue getting an erection.

    Talk to him about it, tell him you're inexperienced and that you're not getting hard because you're anxious (or whatever word you want to use to describe stressing about performing) and that you want to work on that to get over it and get hard.
    I think stating it will go a long way in helping you relax.
    The massage idea is great, anything to use as extended foreplay. And, he has to help out - you need his attention too - he's got to be active in making you feel good too. Let each other know what feels good - don't be afraid to talk to each other when you're having sex.

    If you can get an erection otherwise, then there should be no reason for ED drugs. You just need to feel comfortable and safe.