Self-worth as gays....

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    Oct 25, 2013 12:07 PM GMT
    I was reading some comments on here about relationship problems, violence, and some generally "off-tilt" behavior. I think as gays we struggle with self-worth more than straight men. Look at how many people on here are so in-shape, hot, and put-together (at least physically).

    Straight men are often fatter, out of shape, less put-together... and yet women chase them and kiss many of their asses.... We've all seen it and its pretty gross. We ask ourselves why? Well straight (out-of-shape) men have pretty good self-worth (perhaps they shouldn't).... but they don't know they are not hot.

    I think our straight brothers are a bit more lucky than many of us. They have society's acceptance, they have a degree of arrogance, self-confidence, and that "strut".

    As gay guys perhaps we could cultivate our self-confidence more, learn about boundaries (straight guys have that one nailed), and be independant pilars.

    I read about a boyfriend slapping another boyfriend becuase the boyfriend criticised his minimum-wage job. Violence isn't ok; however, as gays we have more frustration, rejection, humiliation, and hear-ache than straight people often suffer. In the workplace we often don't get the job because we are gay. (yes I have seen that with others). Perhaps because of this we all need to understand, appreciate, and have more compassion/empathy for each other...

    Of any group of the planet we should be less critical of each other... and yet of any group on the planet it seems we don't respect each others' boundaries... mayb that is because we are more articulate than everyone else... blah blah fucking blahh....

    Thanks for the rant....
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    Oct 25, 2013 12:53 PM GMT
    recondite35 said They have society's acceptance, they have a degree of arrogance, self-confidence, and that "strut".


    AND...we largely don't have society's acceptance, all too many of us have a staggering degree of arrogance - and attitude (mislabeled as "self-confidence.") For that matter there's a "strut" too.

    "Perhaps because of this we all need to understand, appreciate, and have more compassion/empathy for each other..." When pigs fly icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Oct 25, 2013 12:58 PM GMT
    Gay men have the issue that not only are we all potential sex-partners but also all competition for the next hot ass. So, if you meet someone new, is he a friend or foe or FWB or trick or ltr-material?
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    Oct 25, 2013 12:58 PM GMT
    I'm not gonna say straight men are more lucky but I do believe many are not concerned with how gay people think about them lol. Yet some of us would get really offended if they thought negatively of us

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    Oct 25, 2013 1:52 PM GMT


    Nicely said, recondite:

    "Straight men are often fatter, out of shape, less put-together... and yet women chase them and kiss many of their asses.... We ask ourselves why? Well straight (out-of-shape) men have pretty good self-worth (perhaps they shouldn't).... but they don't know they are not hot.

    I think our straight brothers are a bit more lucky than many of us. They have society's acceptance, they have a degree of arrogance, self-confidence, and that "strut".

    As gay guys perhaps we could cultivate our self-confidence more, learn about boundaries (straight guys have that one nailed), and be independant pillars."

    ...although I'm not sure I understand what you mean by independent pillars. Can you clarify?


    Also, many of them DO know they are not hot, but they don't care, they value their own self worth and their value to others more than their appearance.
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    Oct 25, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    I still believe that a lot of the issues that lead to struggles with self worth in gays started years ago when they were shunned by society and discarded like trash. How can one know how to love, find love, give love if you're not exposed and receive love?

    Gays have been set up to fail by being constantly put down until the last 5 or so years. They did the best they could to learn and build a community. They looked for others like themselves or those that portrayed what they perceived to be 'the perfect' man. They built a concept of being the perfect person in order to be seen and appreciated but it was all surface building, not in the heart. They found 'like' guys that spurned conflict because they were, well, alike!

    Men and women are very different in how they view life, love and relationships. The physical being, attraction, desire men have is opposite to the emotional attraction that women have. They look much deeper into a man for that 'like' that they need.

    As gays are more accepted and integrated into society, I think this will change. I see it with guys on here and their reaction to 'open relationship' or general sex. Many are moving past that physical need and looking deeper into the emotional side of relationships but a change in culture will take time. Rome was not built in a day and neither was the narcissistic gay community, but I think society will slowly evolve to where the extremes are brought into the middle and both communities, gay and str8, will be much more alike than different.
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    Oct 25, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    As one of my str8 cousins said when I brought her to a gay pride parade "I thought they'd be better looking".
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    Oct 25, 2013 4:30 PM GMT
    eb925guy said, " The physical being, attraction, desire men have is opposite to the emotional attraction that women have."

    Sometimes yes, but I worked many years in offices with only about 5 guys and over 100 women, and a lot of the women said the above about men, in reverse. Interesting stuff.

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    Oct 25, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI still believe that a lot of the issues that lead to struggles with self worth in gays started years ago when they were shunned by society and discarded like trash. How can one know how to love, find love, give love if you're not exposed and receive love?

    Gays have been set up to fail by being constantly put down until the last 5 or so years. They did the best they could to learn and build a community. They looked for others like themselves or those that portrayed what they perceived to be 'the perfect' man. They built a concept of being the perfect person in order to be seen and appreciated but it was all surface building, not in the heart. They found 'like' guys that spurned conflict because they were, well, alike!

    Men and women are very different in how they view life, love and relationships. The physical being, attraction, desire men have is opposite to the emotional attraction that women have. They look much deeper into a man for that 'like' that they need.

    As gays are more accepted and integrated into society, I think this will change. I see it with guys on here and their reaction to 'open relationship' or general sex. Many are moving past that physical need and looking deeper into the emotional side of relationships but a change in culture will take time. Rome was not built in a day and neither was the narcissistic gay community, but I think society will slowly evolve to where the extremes are brought into the middle and both communities, gay and str8, will be much more alike than different.


    Nicely put!
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    Oct 25, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    I have a high level of self esteem and the gay guys I know do also.