Gay Forums - Dating & Relationships - Dumped for religion.

Dumped for religion.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 27, 2013 2:43 PM GMT

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Out of the blue my boyfriend of 3.5 years just dumped me to become a born again christian. He is bi so I have always worried he would end up taking the road more often traveled. While he is not out to his family and most friends, a few people know because they have picked up on us being more than friends. This happened months ago though and he seemed to be ok with it. He is an amateur comedian and told me that after doing some open mic work he started talking to a few of his friends about all the wonderful things God has done for him lately. One of them said he was more touched and moved by that then all of his stand up combined and it really touched my boyfriend. He says he feels he has been running from this for a while but now he knows this is his calling. The real slap in the face came when he asked me to continue being his friend but that he couldn't risk his soul for me. He says I have been more loyal to him than his family and he really appreciates it.

Of course I am shocked, this came out of the blue for me. Also I have always known him to be spiritual, I'm a Buddhist myself, but it never seemed to be a problem. I am angry because of course he just called my love for hm a threat to his soul. As his friend I truly care for him and wish him the best. As you can see I am very confused right now. I want him back but I don't think i can accept him back even f he changed his mind. I would always fear that he would once again decide i was a threat to his soul and leave again. I feel that now that he has his life together, he spent some time in jail a year ago, I am no longer needed and this is a nice excuse. I feel used, good enough to be there when he was down but still a threat to his soul.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 27, 2013 3:55 PM GMT

What a confusion he must have been into!
Religion or love? and he chose religion out of fear of risking his soul? how foolish and innocent his thinking is(assuming, he's not pretending)
If he really loves you he will come back.
I know it's very difficult to overcome this sudden and unexpected breakup...time heals, be strong.
*Hugs*
If he's a RJ member or knew him in person, I would have Instilled some sense to his thoughts.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 27, 2013 7:38 PM GMT

Harry7785 saidWhat a confusion he must have been into!
Religion or love? and he chose religion out of fear of risking his soul? how foolish and innocent his thinking is(assuming, he's not pretending)
If he really loves you he will come back.
I know it's very difficult to overcome this sudden and unexpected breakup...time heals, be strong.
*Hugs*
If he's a RJ member or knew him in person, I would have Instilled some sense to his thoughts.

He is not a real jock member. At this point i want him back but don't think I would take him back. Now I would constantly be scared that he would decide to be straight again. I have worked so hard to defend Christians in front of atheist, defend bi men in front of gay men and defend closeted men in front of out men. I feel like i have been slapped in the face by all of that.

Apparition

Posts: 3795

Oct 28, 2013 3:23 AM GMT

he did you a favour.

in the future never date a closet case ever, nor a bi guy if you like monogamy

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 3:25 AM GMT

Apparition saidhe did you a favour.

in the future never date a closet case ever, nor a bi guy if you like monogamy

Not all bi people are sluts or unable to be stay faithful.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 4:06 AM GMT

Apparition saidhe did you a favour.

in the future never date a closet case ever, nor a bi guy if you like monogamy

I don't believe in stereotyping closeted people or bi people.

Content86

Posts: 10

Oct 28, 2013 4:13 AM GMT

Apparition saidhe did you a favour.

in the future never date a closet case ever, nor a bi guy if you like monogamy

Amen.

Kairr

Posts: 239

Oct 28, 2013 4:13 AM GMT

Arhh Things like this make me want be a rude ass and write something...... mean...

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 4:18 AM GMT

Last time I got dumped it was cause I wasn't smart enough, or some shiz. How stupid is that?

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 4:28 AM GMT

Apparition saidhe did you a favour.

in the future never date a closet case ever, nor a bi guy if you like monogamy

Or a stereotyping gay guy if you don't want your brain to rot away

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 5:35 AM GMT

Well I am a Buddhist too! I don't think I was dumped or dumped someone because of religion! because of other reasons - yes. I make it a rule to (not get into religion) in the first 1-2 months of dating. Then you can test the water and check out his religious views if he has any! I don't think I dated any hardcore Christians or Catholics before but a Converted Catholic to Taoist yes (my ex)! I think being spiritual or having a set of religious belief is good but not to the extreme though, where you can go blind!

cowboyathlete

Posts: 1346

Oct 28, 2013 5:42 AM GMT

Wow, there is so much to your story. It is understandable if part of you wants him back - but don't ever ever ever give into that feeling.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 5:48 AM GMT

i have heard this before but iv never actually seen it happen. Honestly, from what i see of most of these people who become "born again" is that they do it out of fear and not out of love for their god. for what i see with your boyfriend it has been something he has thought about before. If you read the bible then you know that faith in jesus is all one needs to be saved.

*shrugs* I'm not christian and i don't particularly care what others believe. it sucks that he has done this to you because of the nature of your relationship with him seems very deep. be there for him if you feel you can deal with what has happened but forcing your self to do so when you ultimately feel it isn't necessary and that you should move on is a no go.

do what makes you happy ultimately.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 5:54 AM GMT

JoshAlexander saidi have heard this before but iv never actually seen it happen. Honestly, from what i see of most of these people who become "born again" is that they do it out of fear and not out of love for their god.

Aristoshark saidThis demonstrates why it's wrong to be with someone poisoned by religion.

What is wrong with you people. Stop generalizing. You hate it when it's done to you, why do you do it to others??

Taichiguy's ex could very well be trying to pursue a life that he feels is pleasing unto his God. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt, after all, and commend him for being true to his conscience. It could be out of fear, or it could be an act of love, or desire not to disappoint the one he loves—God. Let's not jump to conclusions.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 5:58 AM GMT

Aristoshark saidThis demonstrates why it's wrong to be with someone poisoned by religion.

Yeah this.

Just save yourself the effort and future heartache dude.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 6:17 AM GMT

Yes
it did happen to me; my first relationship and I was unable or ignorant to all the red flags.
-a bit rough being called a sodomite by your first power bottom.
I even tried to make it work as he would "back slide" often, but in the end, World Harvest" won him back and he could not abide even staying friends with a non believer.

Philip101

Posts: 101

Oct 28, 2013 6:34 AM GMT

Religion strikes again!

I feel for you man, it is such a shame.

If God really exists and inspired the books which people claim he did, then he would have the intelligence/foresight/kindness to make his books clearer.

To the liberal/progressive/moderate Christians on this RealJock forum, whilst I respect your desire to re-interpret the hateful bible in a kinder way, don't you think it's absurd that in one part of the Bible it is stated that if a man lies with another man he shall be STONED TO DEATH, and in passages in the New Testament (ie. Romans 1) it talks about the sin of men exchanging natural desires towards women with unnatural ones AND God didn't make the position clearer with your modern interpretations until thousands of years later! Those who re-interpret the Bible to say that it never condemned homosexuality as we know it today fall so flat with their argument. If you are correct, why did God wait thousands of years and watch countless multitudes of gays suffering without a single word to clarify the hateful texts?

I wish everyone would abandon Abrahamic religions and instead embrace reason, science and simple kindness and respect.

So many religions, so many creeds, when all this troubled world needs is simple kindness.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 6:40 AM GMT

TerraFirma said
JoshAlexander saidi have heard this before but iv never actually seen it happen. Honestly, from what i see of most of these people who become "born again" is that they do it out of fear and not out of love for their god.

Aristoshark saidThis demonstrates why it's wrong to be with someone poisoned by religion.

What is wrong with you people. Stop generalizing. You hate it when it's done to you, why do you do it to others??

Taichiguy's ex could very well be trying to pursue a life that he feels is pleasing unto his God. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt, after all, and commend him for being true to his conscience. It could be out of fear, or it could be an act of love, or desire not to disappoint the one he loves—God. Let's not jump to conclusions.

first, i am not making a generalization i am simply showing the reality of what i notice in the world that i have seen so far. i live in the south and i can honestly say that most of the people who are born again do not do so out of of any concept of love for their god but because they are pressured into doing it.

second, he can do whatever the hell he wants and i have no issue with his faith. what i take issue with is when someone forgets that when they make any commitment to another person in any fashion that they break that commitment out of some on nonsensical and ultimately destructive path. religion may be a positive concept but it is not always used int a positive way.

third, if you are going to quote me then do so properly with what i said specifically about him, not what i was introducing about observations about this born again movement.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 7:42 AM GMT

I'm sorry you're going through this, I went through the exact same crap also a 3y relationship.

I hope you'll realize that this is a good thing for you, it took me about 7 years to get over him and realize it was his loss not mine. My problem was I never could talk to anyone about my break up, I got depressed, build a huge wall around me, blamed my family for everything (subconsciously)

Then one day he sends me a long email that he made a mistake and he is unhappy bla bla.. That actually made me feel good (as bad as it sounds) it was my way for closure.. Hope you'll move on from this very quickly!

Big hugs!

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 9:58 AM GMT

Sorry to hear this OP. But, stay away from him and move on. He does not seem stable.

He went to follow a fictional character out of fear of offending his family. There is no so such thing as a god, or if there is, it is evil for allowing the abuse to children. Thus, he will be the one suffering from self-torment.

And a comedian? A profession that makes fun of and embarrasses people? Doesn't sound very "christian".

I do believe there is a place of enlightenment and happiness in oneself that is obtainable. And align myself with that closer to anything else.

Wish you the best.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 1:31 PM GMT

JoshAlexander saidi have heard this before but iv never actually seen it happen. Honestly, from what i see of most of these people who become "born again" is that they do it out of fear and not out of love for their god. for what i see with your boyfriend it has been something he has thought about before. If you read the bible then you know that faith in jesus is all one needs to be saved.

*shrugs* I'm not christian and i don't particularly care what others believe. it sucks that he has done this to you because of the nature of your relationship with him seems very deep. be there for him if you feel you can deal with what has happened but forcing your self to do so when you ultimately feel it isn't necessary and that you should move on is a no go.

do what makes you happy ultimately.

All I can do at this point is hope for the best for him and be there as his friend. I truly value his friendship and the shock and anger are starting to wear off. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 1:36 PM GMT

dustin_K_tx saidYes
it did happen to me; my first relationship and I was unable or ignorant to all the red flags.
-a bit rough being called a sodomite by your first power bottom.
I even tried to make it work as he would "back slide" often, but in the end, World Harvest" won him back and he could not abide even staying friends with a non believer.

Sorry to hear that. It definitely wasn't that bad. We fell in love because at the time we were both spiritual but didn't connect with the religion we were raised in Christianity. I think we valued the fact that a person could love God, value spirituality and have religious principles guide ones life without being apart of some of the more negative aspects of religion. I became a Buddhist but i guess he feels the church is where he belongs.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 1:41 PM GMT

Philip101 saidReligion strikes again!

I feel for you man, it is such a shame.

If God really exists and inspired the books which people claim he did, then he would have the intelligence/foresight/kindness to make his books clearer.

To the liberal/progressive/moderate Christians on this RealJock forum, whilst I respect your desire to re-interpret the hateful bible in a kinder way, don't you think it's absurd that in one part of the Bible it is stated that if a man lies with another man he shall be STONED TO DEATH, and in passages in the New Testament (ie. Romans 1) it talks about the sin of men exchanging natural desires towards women with unnatural ones AND God didn't make the position clearer with your modern interpretations until thousands of years later! Those who re-interpret the Bible to say that it never condemned homosexuality as we know it today fall so flat with their argument. If you are correct, why did God wait thousands of years and watch countless multitudes of gays suffering without a single word to clarify the hateful texts?

I wish everyone would abandon Abrahamic religions and instead embrace reason, science and simple kindness and respect.

So many religions, so many creeds, when all this troubled world needs is simple kindness.

I think its unfair to judge all Christians because some believe the bible is the inerrant word of God. To me that' like saying we shouldn't respect the wisdom of our founding fathers simply because some had slaves or supported slavery. The bible is a historic text that exposes the values of the people who wrote the various parts of the bible. Its not going to be completely adapted to our current understanding of morality just as future generations will find some of our current cultural practices to be extremely inhumane.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Oct 28, 2013 1:48 PM GMT

Ammon saidI'm sorry you're going through this, I went through the exact same crap also a 3y relationship.

I hope you'll realize that this is a good thing for you, it took me about 7 years to get over him and realize it was his loss not mine. My problem was I never could talk to anyone about my break up, I got depressed, build a huge wall around me, blamed my family for everything (subconsciously)

Then one day he sends me a long email that he made a mistake and he is unhappy bla bla.. That actually made me feel good (as bad as it sounds) it was my way for closure.. Hope you'll move on from this very quickly!

Big hugs!

I am happy you have found closure. I don't think it sounds bad that you were happy when it didn't work out for him. Its very perplexing when a person leaves a loving relationship for a religion that doesn't affirm and up lift that loving relationship. I can honestly say that we were very good influences on each other. Hearing that I am a threat to his soul. Knowing from personal experience that born again Christians do not good people who are not Christians as good influences through my understanding of our relationship into question and that will take time to fully digest.

Philip101

Posts: 101

Oct 28, 2013 7:39 PM GMT

We are all sad for you that he chose a fictional, imaginary being in favour of a real and wonderful person (you).

Another victim to the poison of religion.

I wish you the best in moving on and finding someone awesome who chooses reality to fiction.

Forums > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

Dumped for religion.