Feelings just vanishing over night?

  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Nov 30, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    Kinda long, sorry.

    So I dated a guy about a year ago for about 2 months, not that long. The only reason we ended up splitting was because he had to move to PA for school. We both still had feelings for each other but when I found out he had been lying to me about what grade he was in and what school he was attending I got extremely mad. Mad enough that I refused to speak to him for a while.

    The feelings where still there during this entire time, and he came back to Michigan this past week and I decided to give him a second chance. We did the whole dinner and movies thing and I was really happy and excited about being back together.

    Now the problem, I woke up the other day and realized that my feelings for him had completely disappeared, just vanished, and I feel horrible for it. This guy loves me; he accidently (and I don’t even think he noticed) let it slip when we were falling asleep at my place the other day. Not only that, you can just see his emotions on his face as well. He cares about me so much and I don't feel anything for him anymore.

    He sent me a drunken email last night about how his brother got back together with a girl that he liked, and she purposely dumped him to get back at him and he said that I would never do that I’m to good of a person. I wouldn’t ever do that to someone but I fell as though if I dump him, that is what I will come across as.

    (The email also contained a story about him in Ann Arbor and beating the shit out of a guy who tried to have sex with him when he was drunk, he was feeling him up and what not. He went to jail for assault and battery, I never heard that story till now.)

    I don't know what to do on this one and could really use some RJ advice icon_confused.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2008 8:17 PM GMT
    If you don't feel anything then it's just that. Move on.

    I've done it too many times to count.
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    Nov 30, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    Sit him down, be gentle with your choice in words, tell him how you felt and how your feeling, let him know how things progress... if hes a good guy, he'll be hurt, but he'll understand.
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    Nov 30, 2008 11:01 PM GMT
    In those situations sometimes when people say "I love you" what they really mean is "I am reminiscing about loving you".

    Enjoy the new people in PA and let him go.
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    Dec 01, 2008 12:38 AM GMT
    Confront him about lying. If you havn't talked about it maybe you'll be able to sort things out. What would he have to gain from a lie like that other then your affection and respect? Lying is bad, but he most likely did it because he didn't believe he'd be appealing enough for you. Take it as a compliment? But don't let yourself be blinded.

    It seems he really cares for you, even enough to lie. Just tell him to be honest and maybe something beautiful will grow; the seeds are already there.
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 01, 2008 2:02 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidSit him down, be gentle with your choice in words, tell him how you felt and how your feeling, let him know how things progress... if hes a good guy, he'll be hurt, but he'll understand.


    Wow, for once lilTanker doesn't seem like a cold asshole. icon_redface.gif I agree with him in every way on this one. Just tell him gently and honestly, with an expectation of him being mature enough to deal with it. If he doesn't see it that way then there's just not much you can do about it. But, you have to tell him!
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    Dec 01, 2008 3:17 AM GMT
    do it the easy way:

    postit.png

    kidding.

    talk to him face to face, the sooner the better.
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    Dec 01, 2008 3:29 AM GMT
    Where there is Love,
    pain breathes,
    tears smile,
    hurt softens,
    guilt looses its edge
    judgment forgets to judge,
    fear is no longer afraid,

    Where there is Love,
    You are there.

    Unconditional love is bigger than anything. It's bigger than your body, your mind, your self, your fears, your guilt, your ego and your loneliness. Love is union. When you love, you join, you connect, you feel as one. With true love, there's no separation, no little "me", no little 'you", no more than or less than, no distance, no lack, no limits. Love is wholeness and love is healing, for happiness starts with love and sadness ends with love. Love inspires everything that is whole, that love animates life and that, even after death, only love remains.

    Love is also bigger than romance! Therefore, the love that we speak of isn't reserved for one special person and denied to all the rest. This isn't true love. True love is the intention to make love not only the basis of your marriage or partnership, but also all your friendships, your work and everything else in life. Love is precious, not because it exists between two people, but because it is a part of us all. What higher purpose to life is there other than love? Can you think of a better reason to be alive than love?

    Only you can determine if you truely love your exboyfriend and if he truely loves you. You can only know this if you feel it will all your heart and soul. No one else can make this decision for you. But, if you do still love him and he still loves you, then your love for each will find a way to get past all this. If not, then put this behind you and move forward with your life. You're young and still have lots of time to find Mr. Right. Just remember love is wholeness and healing; that happiness starts with love and sadness ends with love!
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    Dec 01, 2008 3:33 AM GMT


    Well, when you got mad a year ago it was for a reason and your heart moved on. He came back last week and you were understandably excited and gave it a spin. Your heart has indeed moved on and so now you'll tell him, and lilTanker has explained how to best do this.

    All the best and keep us 'posted', heh.
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    Dec 01, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    Just tell him the truth. He dropped the L bomb and you can't reciprocate those feelings. Perhaps he can be happy with just being friends if that's possible. Maybe all he needs is a friend?
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 03, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    Ok, I've since Im at school and hes about 200 miles away, we don't get the opertunity to see each other. I've decided to end the relationship, I've sent this email:


    I don't know what to say, I've been thinking about this and I have some things to say. The night we stayed at my dads, you told me you loved me when we were lying in bed. You might not have noticed you did it but you did, and im sorry but I cant reciprocate that. I've tried, damnit I've tried. Maybe if this was back when we were first dating yeah, but for some reason I can't feeling anything for you. Maybe it was from the first break up. I just lost my feelings for you. Why did I decide to go back out with you then? Well, the night we went to the movies I felt something.. now I realize it was just some old feelings coming back momentarally, and now I regret the choice I made. It's not my attetion to hurt you by doing this, but I don't think we can be together If i no longer feel anything anymore. Im sorry for this, I really am.

    Maybe we can be friends, if not, then I think this is goodbye.
    Dave
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    Dec 03, 2008 5:38 AM GMT
    It's done, move on.....
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    Dec 03, 2008 5:47 AM GMT
    BoardRider53 saidOk, I've since Im at school and hes about 200 miles away, we don't get the opertunity to see each other. I've decided to end the relationship, I've sent this email:


    I don't know what to say, I've been thinking about this and I have some things to say. The night we stayed at my dads, you told me you loved me when we were lying in bed. You might not have noticed you did it but you did, and im sorry but I cant reciprocate that. I've tried, damnit I've tried. Maybe if this was back when we were first dating yeah, but for some reason I can't feeling anything for you. Maybe it was from the first break up. I just lost my feelings for you. Why did I decide to go back out with you then? Well, the night we went to the movies I felt something.. now I realize it was just some old feelings coming back momentarally, and now I regret the choice I made. It's not my attetion to hurt you by doing this, but I don't think we can be together If i no longer feel anything anymore. Im sorry for this, I really am.

    Maybe we can be friends, if not, then I think this is goodbye.
    Dave



    Aww... I'm sorry Dave. Hope things work out somehow, at least you were able to communicate it to him somehow.

    Now you can move on! =D
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 03, 2008 5:51 AM GMT
    Yeah, Im glad I commited to the choice I made, its whats right. I also let him know that he was an amazing guy that deserves someone who can love him in return, and that I was sorry that it couldn't be me.

    It's time to move on to the next man icon_cool.gif

    Signed,
    The Hearbreaker (lol just kiddin)
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    Dec 03, 2008 6:04 AM GMT
    God I hope you cleaned up your grammar and your spelling before you sent it!
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2008 6:23 AM GMT
    What? You did it via email?

    Get some balls man.. At least do it over the phone.
    What a bunch in the gut.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 03, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    DenverClimber3 saidWhat? You did it via email?

    Get some balls man.. At least do it over the phone.
    What a bunch in the gut.

    I would have done it face to face if given the chance. A) He lives 200 miles away. B) He has no phone.
    Do you see another option? I don't.


    And for ShortnSexy:
    Wow, i just realized I wrote attention instead of intention... ugh, I blame just getting back from my workout and being tired for all those typos. icon_redface.gif
    I'm usually such a stickler for that grammatical nonsense and punctuation. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 10, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    good shit... sometimes the truth hurts to tell and to hear, but in the end it makes the process easier as the lies to do not pile onto more lies. you gave him some time back that would have been wasted on a situation that was going no where so kudos to you. he may hurt now, but down the line he will be thankful.