Is it bad to wish I could be away from my family?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    I really love my family so much. but lately, ive been feeling a lil off around them. like I cant get any privacy and i just want to cover my ears, close my eyes and wish I was somewhere else.

    for 22 years, i have lived with them. we are all 8 siblings. lol and i dunno, i just want some privacy and that doesnt mean i love them less. i just want to be on my own cuz i feel like i am stuck here. i feel like the older i get, this "house" is getting smaller and smaller and it gets harder to move around when with them.

    is it probably because i want something new in my life? you know when youve been doing something for a while, you get bored, and you wanna do something else? huh, i dunno. i dont want this to be a big issue, im just worried because lately, ive been a lil cold towards my mom and i easily lose my temper when my younger brother and sister do something (even as little as borrowing my stuff with no permission).

    did you guys ever feel like this? to those who came from a big family like mine, did you get to this point in your life?

    :C

    ive been planning to move out but im planning on doing that next year.


    PS:

    i really love them. the situation i hate. :c
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    Oct 28, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    woodsmen said^Sometimes being a part brings people together closer.


    This is soo beautiful. It perfectly describes my situation right now in a nutshell. thank you. icon_redface.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saiddon't come from a family as large as yours but i feel your pain, man. there's nothing wrong with valuing your space. being around people all the time will drive you nuts.


    yea i really wish im not a bad person for wishing this. icon_smile.gif Thanks.
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    Oct 28, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    Avoid ANYONE who makes You unhappy.

    TRUE Family ALWAYS finds You and comforts You.

    Peace,

    Mikal
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Jantheman said
    thebearerofbadnews saiddon't come from a family as large as yours but i feel your pain, man. there's nothing wrong with valuing your space. being around people all the time will drive you nuts.


    yea i really wish im not a bad person for wishing this. icon_smile.gif Thanks.


    ultimately, you're going to have to go out on your own though. how do your parents feel about it though? are they encouraging you to move out and get your own place? icon_lol.gif they might actually be happy.


    i told my mom about it. shes okay with me moving out, but she is not very encouraging at all. i guess it also has something to do with our culture as Filipinos. moving out is not that implemented in Filipino culture unlike here in the US.

    but the problem is not really that. the problem is she is still teaching me how to drive as i dont know how to drive yet that good. and i dont have a car. so im gonna save up for it first and will definitely move out as soon as i get my own car.
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    Nope. I'm away from my family and couldn't appreciate them more! icon_cool.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    Cash saidAvoid ANYONE who makes You unhappy.

    TRUE Family ALWAYS finds You and comforts You.

    Peace,

    Mikal



    thanks Mikal. nice to know your real name Cash. hope youre feeling better now. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    Nothing wrong with what you feel.

    But seeing your family to grow and fall apart is painful.
    Siblings grow up and leave to start their own families. House becomes emptier and quieter. Parents are there not for forever. Some day they pass away. You cherish those memories, those moments when you were a part of a large family, sitting and talking loudly at dinner table, being irritated by father's joke or being angry at your mom for her nagging. One day they are no longer there.

    So try to enjoy your family now.

    I am of your age. Though, the last time I saw all of my family together was when I was 12. I grew up without my mom, and now I miss my dad so much.

    Be happy you have your family right now!
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    Okajuurou saidNothing wrong with what you feel.

    But seeing your family to grow and fall apart is painful.
    Siblings grow up and leave to start their own families. House becomes emptier and quieter. Parents are there not for forever. Some day they pass away. You cherish those memories, those moments when you were a part of a large family, sitting and talking loudly, being irritated by father's joke or being angry at your mom for her nagging. One day they are no longer there.

    So try to enjoy your family now.

    I am of your age. Though, the last time I saw all my family together was when I was 12. I grew up without my mom, and now I miss my dad so much.

    Be happy you have your family right now!



    aaaw... :C

    that is so sweet. i didnt realize that.

    maybe youre right. i lost my dad when i was 14.

    i love them so much. i just feel like i need a lil bit of me time which living here doesnt give me that at all.

    mmmm. but yea i will consider what you said. my mom is getting older and i am his oldest son here. so yea...

    thanks for your thoughts. i really appreciate it icon_smile.gif

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    Oct 28, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Move far away and start your own life. Add your family to your Facebook to keep in touch.
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    No lol
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Oct 28, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    ...Not even slightly.
  • spemat

    Posts: 44

    Oct 28, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    I cut mine out for good when I moved out except for my grandmother and those times my mom found out what my number was. My mom had something called Borderline Personality Disorder and she hated me and my half brother, she used to put us against eachother and it was always al about her and when people would get sick of her, she'd threaten to commit suicide to get us to stay and either beat, berate or give us the silent treatment. I never took it personal with them though.... I went completely cold... never went to her funeral and I still don't care. She was probably one of the cruelest people I have met in my life... her love phases were like being stalked and she'd ruin my relationships and I never hated her or my animal killing psychopath 1/2 brother. I never showed an ounce of emotion to any of them.

    My mom had selective empathy sometimes but only when it was negative and when she thought it was directed at her (which was always). I pitied her before she died but she got help for it over and over and it did nothing for her. She was afraid of being abandoned yet she did everything in her actions to make it happen too and her smear campaigns were horrible,

    There is overlap between that type and narcissistic and sociopathic personalities. Not all of those people with those problems are the same though but at the core, they are selfish, compensating empty people.
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    Oct 28, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    xrichx saidMove far away and start your own life. Add your family to your Facebook to keep in touch.


    This ^^^ just minus the Facebook part..
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    Oct 28, 2013 4:26 AM GMT


    "Is it bad to wish I could be away from my family?"

    No not at all. Why would you ever think that? Your parents have very likely spent a couple of sleepless nights wondering about how their kids will fair on their own, and worrying. Show them you can. Enjoy being equals in this measure.

    Bear in mind there's always a little panic when a chick leaves the nest, so expect angst at your leaving, lol. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 5:08 AM GMT
    In a similar situation, been living at home with my mother, but I didn't want to leave because I felt the loneliness would be too much for her since my fathers death several years ago.

    The problem is, its taking a toll on my personal life and I need my own space to seek out my future. That nagging mother nature will never change, so I have decided I am going to be moving on next fall.

    My mother believes that I will always be that 12 year old boy even though I am 30 year old man, working 8 to 5 each day. She has become a bit too intrusive like how I manage my income and wanting to know how much I have in my bank account. She still wants to make decisions for me. The thing is, she will need someone to be around her, so that will be my worry, the fact is, its a done decision, I am not sacrificing the rest of my years to provide her companionship, she got to live hers, I need to live mine.

    As for siblings, they are another problem, older than me, homophobic and have a problem with me. They don't have a problem with me being there for mother, but obviously having a problem with me as a gay brother. Its too much tension, need to get away from it.
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    Oct 28, 2013 10:19 AM GMT
    hairyandym said
    xrichx saidMove far away and start your own life. Add your family to your Facebook to keep in touch.


    This ^^^ just minus the Facebook part..


    lol yeah! haha
  • mladri

    Posts: 264

    Oct 28, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    not at all. I love my family, all of them, but sometimes I feel like I just need a rest from them. I think that that sounds terrible, but....I can`t help myself icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 12:52 PM GMT
    If your family is very supportive, what would be "bad" is if you decided to move away and deny all future contacts with them. I'm 200 miles away from my family and I contact them every week.
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    Oct 28, 2013 1:09 PM GMT
    Jantheman said
    did you guys ever feel like this? to those who came from a big family like mine, did you get to this point in your life?

    The urge to move out of the family home is normal for a young man your age, and is perfectly healthy. It does not represent disrespect or loss of love, but rather is a standard part of your personal growth & development. Your time has simply come.

    Sociologists recognize this behavior, and it seems to be programmed into our human genes, especially for males. Nevertheless, certain cultures, particularly the Asian from which you come, have a value system that keeps families more closely together than the typical contemporary Western model. Therefore I can understand if your sense of conflict is more keen than mine was, when I joined the US Army at age 20, partly to get away from home (along with a multitude of other reasons).

    Have you discussed your thoughts with your parents? And is your RJ profile current, living in Florida for work and eventually college again? It sounded like you're already living away from home.
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    Oct 28, 2013 1:58 PM GMT
    oh u r such a kind heart gentlement,i would totally nuke the fuck out of my hometown to destroy every motherfuckers.

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    Oct 28, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    woodsmen said^Sometimes being apart brings people together closer.

    This, except when it cements the fact that you really did not like some members of your family all that much.
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    Oct 28, 2013 2:42 PM GMT
    You're at the age that most people go through this frustration. I moved out at 20 and I know my mom thought it was not going to happen until we stood in the driveway and with tears rolling down her cheeks. Independence is great for learning, growing and being able to have that space. Families mean well and once you achieve that independence, you learn to appreciate them even more.

    You're in a tough spot in that you still have some unfinished business at home, like learning to drive, getting some wheels, affording a place to live on your own.

    Make some serious goals, like getting the driving behind you, saving some money for wheels and rent and work hard to make those goals. While you're doing that in the next year, identify times and places you can go to have 'your time'. When are your siblings not around when you can be at home alone? Where can you go during hectic times so that you're not in the middle of it, what areas of the home can you designate for yourself or your possessions? Also, talk to your parents about this. Explain that you feel trapped, need some space. Maybe there's a way for you to have your own room or a way to work out some better 'private' time for you. Or maybe they'll help you with getting into a place or getting the wheels you'll need. Good luck.
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    Oct 28, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    The older you (and they) get, the more irresistible the urge becomes.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 28, 2013 3:30 PM GMT
    You're becoming a man.. you want independence and self control. Absolutely understandable. Since that involves finances and planning (if you want to do it the right way), I'd do your best to move that direction. In the meantime, try and deal with it the best you can and spend as much time doing other things. Minimize negative drama, but take concrete, positive steps toward your future.
    Good luck!

    icon_biggrin.gif