Would you move and change your life for the right guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    Hypothetically speaking, say that you met a wonderful person on your short vacation. You hit it off and you like that guy A LOT! He's everything you want but he lives about 100 miles away from you! Would you change your life and move to be with him ? Considering career/job vs Love and all! Any guys done this before? Share some stories! Thanks. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 28, 2013 10:05 PM GMT
    100 miles isn't that far.

    Why not see each other on weekends, alternating twice a month or so? Then if it gets serious make those kinds of plans.
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    Oct 28, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    I used to think that uprooting one's life for one's boyfriend/girlfriend is ludicrous. But, I have to admit that if this one guy asks me to do anything (including moving half way across the world), I'd do it without a second thought.
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Oct 28, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    So I somewhat did that this past summer. I was working full-time as a project manager and traveling all over the country when I met my bf, who lives in a city about 80 miles away. For a while we did the back and forth shuttling and hung out mainly on the weekends. After a while, I realized I didn't love what I did at work and wanted to switch careers and go back to school as a post-bacc.

    Conveniently there was a state school in his town, so doing pre-reqs is really cheap. We moved in together, and it's not too different than what we were doing before because we'd pretty much live together on the weekends. We're saving a ton of money on gas to say the least.

    It fits your description of uprooting and changing your life. Initially I was worried about the coincidence of moving in together and then also going back to school, but it's been a pretty smooth return, with the exception of the occasional misunderstanding of why I need to study so much now as a full-time student and that I can play all the time, but we're getting there.

    With the MCAT upcoming in spring, and then applying to schools in the summer, I think this has been a good preparation for what's to come with med school if I go where we live now.

    I don't think it's crazy, but I'd say give it some more time to really feel each other out. We only took about a year and a half to figure it out, but I'd say a short vacay isn't enough time.. yet.

    Good luck!
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    Oct 28, 2013 10:41 PM GMT
    My first partner & I were 1500 miles apart when we were dating. We took turns traveling each month, for 2-week stays at the other's place. Then I moved to his home, but he really wanted a change of scenery himself, so we quickly moved another 1500 miles to a new place for both of us.
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    Oct 28, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidI did it once. The relationship lasted seven years. I wouldn't do it again.
    Amen! Five years and 4,700 miles. Even though I was with the love of my life, it won't be done again. I didn't want to move to Switzerland and he couldn't get a green card. We managed to spend about ⅓ of the month together between me working in Europe and him coming frequently to the US for work.
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    Oct 29, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidI did it once. The relationship lasted seven years. I wouldn't do it again.

    I did it once. I got dumped on arrival at the airport.
    But I decided to stay. Surprisingly the move was a boost to my career as well as jump-starting my dating life (out of necessity).
    Just make sure the new place is somewhere you actually want to be, even minus the bf.
    And no, I wouldn't do it again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    If it included a good job, then yes.
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    Oct 29, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    Been there. Done that.

    The more difficult thing is actually staying put and changing your life. You how hard it is to change when you stay in one place? Nearly impossible; cause the way of things, complacency, and familiarity with the region. Its like a paradox! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 29, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    There would have to be more to the story - like a job, better living situation, possibly a trial time to see if we would be compatible living together.

    You never know the direction life will take you, so I am learning to never say never.
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    Oct 29, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    I guess you can say i moved for the ex who just dumped me to become a born again christian. However I was already planning to move to a similar sized city anyway so moving to Dallas as opposed to Atlanta wasn't a big deal. I would never move just for a guy unless we had been dating for years and were getting married. There are plenty of fish in these local seas.
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    Oct 29, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    unckabasa said100 miles isn't that far.

    Why not see each other on weekends, alternating twice a month or so? Then if it gets serious make those kinds of plans.


    I absolutely agree. I dated a guy for 3 years who lived an hour and 45 minutes away from me. We would see each other about every other weekend. Sometimes we would manage to see each other two weekends in a row and sometimes we would both be busy and we wouldn't see each other for 3 weeks or (rarely) 4 weeks. It was the most incredible relationship I've ever been in. We talked on the phone a lot, texted a lot, skyped, messaged on here, visited on weekends, travelled together. The cool thing about it was that when we did see each other it was really special. Almost like a mini vacation. When you live in the same city as someone, it is easy to fall into a rut: movie, TV, dinner, sex, sleep. But, since we only saw each other about every other weekend, we'd usually spend at least 2 days together and we planned full out adventures. It had to be special. Those 2 days were packed with fun and laughter and zany adventures. We only broke up because he's in the military and had to move too far away. Our communication was AMAZING. Nothing but honesty and cooperation together.

    An important part of the relationship was that we didn't put pressure on the other half to spend time together. Sometimes thing came up. Neither one of us would give the other a guilt trip. We would just say "Oh, cool. I'll miss you. Let's try for next weekend." It just made me miss him more to know that there were no guilt trips coming. Who wouldn't love to spend 2 or 3 days with someone laughing and rough housing the whole time?

    If it ever became too much because of the distance, we were both open to talking about that. We wanted something that felt good for both of us. It was.
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    Oct 29, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    No. Heck, the nearest man is like, 100 miles from me. (OK, 75, actually.) There are ranch families in this county who drive 100 miles for groceries. If he were a keeper, he'd come to me.
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    Oct 29, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    no effing way. i've done it before, and i've seen people do it before. it's not as romantic as it sounds and it never turns out the way you want it to.
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    Oct 29, 2013 5:49 AM GMT
    If we can make it several months in person first; that we can survive a move together; otherwise I won't move. I need that interaction, honesty, and commitment before I can before I risk moving into a place I unfamiliar with again.
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    Oct 29, 2013 6:40 AM GMT
    My s.o. did it for me - - moving 3,000 miles across the U.S. - after we met here in R.J. Forums. We met and e-mailed several times, then spoke on the phone for months & finally met at an airport, spending a week together. Then, we did that (cross country visits) several times and after a few years, we decided we had something, and one of us was going to have to move. I'd have been willing to go east for him, but in the end we decided he would come west for me. Three plus years later, here we are.
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    Oct 29, 2013 7:07 AM GMT
    It depends on both guys' specific situation. For me, I would! Because I'm in healthcare, I'm able to find a job anywhere in the country. If I didn't like the new location, I can move back.
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Oct 29, 2013 8:21 AM GMT
    no. i did it before. twice. and i will never do it again. yeah with my job i can fly anywhere at a moments notice. but, having said that, the LAST thing i want to do on my days off is get on an airplane. sometimes i just prefer to single it out and spend time enjoying my passion...... boating. and dogs. besides, in my post cancer 'treatment' existence, there are no long term guarantees any more. it's just the way it is. existing for the moment. nothing more, nothing less. besides, the radiation after effects on my body have left me with a virtual shell of what i was. no one will want that so i have to be realistic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2013 9:19 AM GMT
    If there were I guy I loved that much and I knew he loved me that much as well?

    ...Of COURSE!! ^^ Life is best experienced with people you love...well I assume lol.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Oct 29, 2013 9:20 AM GMT
    yes i would. i might actually have to do that.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 29, 2013 10:40 AM GMT
    def not
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Oct 29, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    Why not?

    Every opportunity involves risk... I rarely date guys in my own town. 100 miles is about the right distance. Gives the relationship time to gel and mature and determine its staying power before you do consider moving
  • BuggEyedSprit...

    Posts: 920

    Oct 29, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    Yes, and Australia comes to mind!icon_cool.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 29, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    If it is true love, you both do what you must to be together. My partner moved in with me after a distance when it might have been better for his career to live somewhere else. But I've also told him that I'll follow him somewhere else if he needs me to to develop his career. Couples do these things. If you say you won't, that means either you've never been in love or that you place other things above your partner's welfare. I guess that means you're not in love. Now I would ask that such a big step be logical. You talk through these things if you're a couple. But you've got to be open to the discussion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    Yes.