Asked a guy out - not sure if he's straight. What now?

  • nxnw2000

    Posts: 2

    Nov 01, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    Met a cute, fun guy at a party. He was very friendly and we really seemed to like each other. At the end of the conversation I suggested meeting up again and he agreed. He said something like it's rare to find someone that you actually want to talk to again.

    I asked for his email but he said he never checked it and asked for my number instead. We texted a couple times, and he called me "brother" a couple times - affectionate, but not sure if that means he's straight and just wants to be friends.

    I asked a few days after that first meeting if he wanted to get drinks on a particular day and time and he said he had a work commitment around then but might be able to make it - could he let me know that day? I said sure.

    Not sure where to take this from here assuming we meet.

    Would a guy you met at a party who asked you out for a drink strike you as someone hitting on you?

    I think there's a good chance he's straight and just sees this as friendly, but I also think there's some chance he's gay and/or bi / curious. I'm just not sure. I would definitely want to be friends if that's all he was interested in, but obviously I'd prefer more.

    How do I play it if we do go out? Do I steer the discussion to girlfriends / boyfriends, or tell him I'm gay? Or do I just talk to him as if he were just anyone I was trying to be friends with?

    I do not want to force him to label himself if he might potentially be bi-curious or experimental but unwilling to call himself "gay."

    How do I show him that I'm interested in more than friendship and make him feel welcome to go further if he's up for it without being creepy if he isn't?

    Advice MUCH appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    He's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 01, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidHe's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."

    At least not in the blue states.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Erik101 saidHe's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."

    At least not in the blue states.


    In a red state, that would be a cousin. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Nov 01, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    Leave it alone. Period.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    It's not a surprise to expect awkward scenes in the future between you two.
    Come out to him before he finds out!
    And then leave the rest to fate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Erik101 saidHe's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."


    you're joking right?


    No I'm not kidding! Why would a guy refer to another guy (who he wants to date) as his "brother?"
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 01, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    jesus fucking christ. just get him drunk and offer him a blow job in the back seat of his car or whatever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 5:06 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Erik101 said
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Erik101 saidHe's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."


    you're joking right?


    No I'm not kidding! Why would a guy refer to another guy (who he wants to date) as his "brother?"


    don't you think that's ignorant though? how can you assume someone is straight by them calling another guy "brother"? i've seen gay guys calling other men brother. i know plenty of straight dudes that don't call other guys brother unless they're talking about their actual brother if they have one.


    Oh I see where you're getting at. So it has nothing to do with brotherhood but rather, the straight thing. I see your point and my bad! Still, if the guy is calling the OP his brother, he's not interested in dating.

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 01, 2013 5:06 AM GMT
    He gave you every hint in the book that HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN HOOKING UP WITH YOU.

    BTW, you can't ASK anyone for their email address or any other contact information. You may only offer your own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 5:07 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Erik101 said
    thebearerofbadnews said
    Erik101 saidHe's straight! No one calls his boyfriend or a potential relationship a "brother."


    you're joking right?


    No I'm not kidding! Why would a guy refer to another guy (who he wants to date) as his "brother?"


    don't you think that's ignorant though? how can you assume someone is straight by them calling another guy "brother"? i've seen gay guys calling other men brother. i know plenty of straight dudes that don't call other guys brother unless they're talking about their actual brother if they have one.



    I have to agree with Erik101 on this - calling someone brother, regardless of orientation, would imply to me that the person sees you as a friend or potential friend. It's usually not the type of label that implies you want to end up in bed together.

    OP - I'd suggest hanging out with the guy before jumping to any conclusions. Odds are that he just thought you were a cool guy and wanted to hang out more. Don't make the popular gay mistake of assuming that because someone found you interesting, that it means they are "interested" in you...


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2013 6:21 AM GMT
    "what did you think of *insert name of attractive girl at the party*?"
    "do you live with roommates, girlfrIend, on your own?"
    "are you dating anyone at the moment?"
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 01, 2013 6:23 AM GMT
    Ohno said"what did you think of *insert name of attractive girl at the party*?"
    "do you live with roommates, girlfrIend, on your own?"
    "are you dating anyone at the moment?"

    You forgot, "nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
  • DBomb129

    Posts: 144

    Nov 01, 2013 6:33 AM GMT
    I'd steer to the girlfriend question. If he's a cool guy and straight, you guys could end up being good friends and that's just as good, if not better. For me, the attraction to straight guys goes aways once they're become a friend and are automatically off limits.

    Unless he brings it up or its really organic, no reason to tell him you're gay yet. Just don't get touchy
  • nxnw2000

    Posts: 2

    Nov 01, 2013 11:49 AM GMT
    Thanks so much for the answers. I think I'm just going to hang out with him without making any assumptions in a very hands-off, relaxed manner and see what happens.