Formerly f/m married guys - advice on coming out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2013 3:49 PM GMT
    Hey there. I am ready to come out to my wife finally after coming to terms with who I am.

    But really struggling with how to tell her. So I would love to hear how you handled it, maybe get some ideas on how to best approach it with her. I know she is going to be crushed...but I owe it to her and myself to say something.

    Also, any advice on pitfalls or problems you encountered that you wish knew thought or knew about beforehand.

    PM responses are fine with me too if you dont wanna post in the forum.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    Sending you a private message as we speak. There are many of us that have gone through this. Some of us can be of help in providing you ideas to think about and consider beforehand. My biggest suggestion would be to slow down and breath. Rome was not built in a day, plan first and get your ducks in a row before you do anything. You'll be glad down the road. It took you a long time to get to where you are now (acceptance) don't make this tough on yourself, your wife or your family by not thinking it out first. Another day, week or month is not going to change your acceptance but it MIGHT be significant in how everyone else reacts and accepts your news.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    Jaggal saidIf I may ask, do you two have kids?


    Yep 2 little girls. They are the only reasons I tried to stay as long as I did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2013 9:04 PM GMT
    Be honest with yourself and tell her the truth, nothing but the truth. I know it is hurt to hear it but its worth the whole about being who you are.

    Make a time for two of you completely alone. Comfort her if she needs to.

    I hope everything goes well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2013 12:47 AM GMT
    Thank Matt I appreciate it
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 03, 2013 1:42 AM GMT
    What do you hope to accomplish?
    Are you hoping to stay married, you just want her to know you like men too?
    Are you hoping you can have sexual relations with men and still be married?
    Are you hoping for a divorce and maybe she will be the one to ask for one?
    One thing for sure, unless she knew you might like men to begin with, expect tears and an emotional roller coaster. Not that I know, because I don't, but what I do know is that when you break something that big to someone else they are going to uncontrollably freak out. Hide the knives, hide the guns and be out of shouting range from the neighbors, unless you want them to know your business.

    I think you need to figure out what is your ultimate goal.