OK guys I seriously need your wisdom!!

  • rac727

    Posts: 196

    Nov 03, 2013 9:23 PM GMT
    Ok the town I live in is pretty small and doesn't have a large gay community and right now I'm not that interested in dating or sex and just want a few really good gay guy friends to talk to and hang out with but I need advice about something recent that happened. So there was this guy I met on facebook that I kinda thought was cute and basically he kept blowing me off and eventually I just gave up and stopped talking to him. But a half a year later this Halloween he just messaged me out of nowhere and asked how we knew each other and that sort of lead to a conversation that was very pleasant. And he asked why I never talked to him and I told the truth about how he blew me off when I tried to talk to him and he apologized and said it was because he was dating a guy at the time and thought it would be like cheating to talk to me. But I told him I just wanted to be friends and told him how I just wanted some gay guy friends to hang out with and he said we could be friends. And we talked on facebook more and we have a lot of similar interests and after about 2 days of talking he told me he likes me in a romantic way and asked if we could ever be more than just friends. And I told him right now I just like him as a friend and thats all I'm looking for and said that maybe we could be but that's not a guarantee we will be more but in a nice way of course. And he said he would be content having me as just a friend. So as we talk more he has been texting me good morning which is nice but in my experience that usually means a guy likes you a lot. And he wants to talk all the time on facebook or text which I'm OK with but again I'm thinking thats a sign he likes me a lot. And when I asked how many boyfriends he had he said he would rather talk about that in person which I understand so I didn't push it. But I get the vibe he isn't experienced and to my knowledge has had only one boyfriend. And he told me he wants me to be his snuggle buddy (which I honestly found ADORABLE) and I said maybe lets see how things go. Now I'm getting the vibe he is really liking me a lot when I just like him a lot as a friend. And I REALLY don't wanna hurt him because he seems like a cool friend but I really wanna make it clear we are just friends. And I'm not that experienced either when it comes to relationships but when I was much less experienced that I am now I had more experienced guys jerk me around and play with my feelings which really hurt and I don't want to do the same to him. And I feel like if things keep going the way they are it might end bad because he might think I'm jerking him around and I don't wanna lose him as a friend. So what would be the best way I can handle this situation? Thoughts?? Comments?? What would you do in my shoes?? Any insight appreciated!! icon_sad.gif








  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    Time to meet with him face to face. All this online jibber-jabber isn't good for either of you. You are full of assumptions, he seems to be in love with the idea of having you as a bf. meet! Talk! Maybe swap spit! And see where you stand.
  • Phobophobia

    Posts: 20

    Nov 03, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    Unfortunately, I think it won't end either until you tell him you aren't interested.

    But, you can always meet him up with him in a public place and get to know him better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    TLDR;
    OP just wants to be friends with some dude, but the dude wants to be more than friends. Also OP doesn't know what paragraphs are. icon_lol.gif
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Nov 03, 2013 10:18 PM GMT
    Reaffirm with him you are only friends and are not looking to date anyone and get his acknowledgement to that. Don't meet face to face that seems more of a date, having not net face to face you can always block him, but you have to tell him quite firmly that friends is all it is. I'd slow it down with the replies too
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Nov 03, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    xrichx saidTLDR;
    OP just wants to be friends with some dude, but the dude wants to be more than friends. Also OP doesn't know what paragraphs are. icon_lol.gif


    LOL
  • rac727

    Posts: 196

    Nov 03, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    xrichx saidTLDR;
    OP just wants to be friends with some dude, but the dude wants to be more than friends. Also OP doesn't know what paragraphs are. icon_lol.gif


    Lol well i need answers now so I didn't have time for the grammatical dance! Lmao
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    Stop being an idiot. Just meet him and see where it goes. Boy, that was a tough one to figure out.
  • rac727

    Posts: 196

    Nov 03, 2013 10:33 PM GMT
    theantijock saidStop being an idiot. Just meet him and see where it goes. Boy, that was a tough one to figure out.


    dude that attitude is so uncalled for fyi -___-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:37 PM GMT
    Maybe he's just being a friend....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    Telling him maybe about being a snuggle buddy is just leading him on, the answer should have been no to that as well. It's also possible that he doesn't see being a snuggle buddy as being anything more than friends. If you want to keep him as a friend, you ought to meet him face to face and talk things over like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I think you should meet him in person in a public place (say, for coffee) just to be a nice guy. He probably could use a friend too. And you could reiterate then, in person, that you're just interested in being friends. If, after that, he persists in being too clingy you can back off but, especially in a small town, it's good to have some gay male friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2013 11:25 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidI think you should meet him in person in a public place (say, for coffee) just to be a nice guy. He probably could use a friend too. And you could reiterate then, in person, that you're just interested in being friends. If, after that, he persists in being too clingy you can back off but, especially in a small town, it's good to have some gay male friends.

    +1
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Nov 03, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    duluthrunner saidI think you should meet him in person in a public place (say, for coffee) just to be a nice guy. He probably could use a friend too. And you could reiterate then, in person, that you're just interested in being friends. If, after that, he persists in being too clingy you can back off but, especially in a small town, it's good to have some gay male friends.

    +1


    DO NOT meet with him, that will push things further along in his head, continue to communicate just how you have been to handle this. If he gets it and still wants to be friends then eventually meet up, don't meet up to tell him you just want to be friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2013 3:07 AM GMT
    acpreppy said
    theantijock saidStop being an idiot. Just meet him and see where it goes. Boy, that was a tough one to figure out.


    dude that attitude is so uncalled for fyi -___-


    I didn't say you are an idiot, I said you were being one by living your life electronically. My wisdom to share is that you live your life in person.

    Use electronics to open a door, not to isolate you.

    Peace.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 04, 2013 3:20 AM GMT
    I don't understand why you don't tell him what you told us. Preferably in person. You're ambivalent about anything beyond a friendship and are afraid he's going to feel hurt. Doesn't seem like that should be difficult to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    duluthrunner saidI think you should meet him in person in a public place (say, for coffee) just to be a nice guy. He probably could use a friend too. And you could reiterate then, in person, that you're just interested in being friends. If, after that, he persists in being too clingy you can back off but, especially in a small town, it's good to have some gay male friends.

    I agree with this. Make sure the first meeting is in a public place. After that you'll have a better idea of what he's looking for and who he is. Then you need to decide what you want.

    If there's a more intimate feeling, then I say go on a date but resist any inclination for sex. Give it 3 or 4 dates before giving up the goods, if he's not willing to wait for it, then he's probably not going to stick around.

    If you're not interested in dating him and rather just be friends, then make that clear. Don't go to his place alone, do things in public until you're comfortable with him understanding that you're just wanting to be friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2013 4:18 AM GMT
    xrichx saidTLDR;
    OP just wants to be friends with some dude, but the dude wants to be more than friends. Also OP doesn't know what paragraphs are. icon_lol.gif


    Yes seriously matey how on earth any of you can discover love and intimacy online is beyond me. No wonder there are all these silly queens running around being "in love/ a relationship etc etc "with someone they ave never even been next to IRL. How do you know he hasn't got bad breath, smells awful or can't kiss or hug, for starters?icon_cool.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    Meet face to face. Email, text, etc., is so easy to misunderstand.