Too girly for taekwondo?

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    Dec 02, 2008 10:05 AM GMT
    So I started taking taekwondo when I was 8 (I'm 19 now) and somewhere after 7th grade I took a 2 year break and had to start all over again... Anyway so theres this guy whos a belt lower than I am (I'm a high red..again) and he doesnt seem to want to get off my case.

    I'm not going to lie, I'm a pretty obvious gay, but I don't flaunt it in peoples faces, martial arts wise I'm pretty good at what I do. For awhile though I only ever did forms because I didnt like to sparr (I like it now and Im getting better).

    Anwho so this guy keeps jokingly making fun of me for being a "girly man" and various other things like that I wanted to know if anyone had any advice on how to put him in his place.


    Thanks
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Dec 02, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    ...um...use what you know and spar his @ss to the floor [just once]...then help him up [always be a good sportsman]...

    ...let him know what we girly men can do when provoked...

    - David icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 02, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    dfrourke said...um...use what you know and spar his @ss to the floor [just once]...then help him up [always be a good sportsman]...

    ...let him know what we girly men can do when provoked...

    - David icon_wink.gif


    If that doesn't work ...take those earrings off and heels and beat him with it! icon_twisted.gif hehehe just joking....
    I agree with dfrourke - and don't pressure yourself to beat him...just show him that you are capable of handling yourself. And "girly men" don't back down when provoked!
    Good Luck
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    Dec 02, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    I don't think you need to beat his ass when sparring. Sparring isn't about personal grudges, even though this guy is being an ass hole.

    Talk to him. "Hey, please stop calling me a girly man. It makes you sound like a homophobe and I don't appreciate it." If he persists then a little ass beating may be in order.
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    Dec 02, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    You shouldn't have to put up with that crap where you train. Your TKD Academy is supposed to be the place where you build comraderie and trust among people you train with. A martial arts school is a place where you leave any outside issues and prejudices at the door because there's no way you can train effectively with people who are carrying around baggage that they bring into the academy. It would also kill the enjoyment of the sport for the practitioners/combatants. From what you describe, you have two options which are (1) to disarm him with words, which when it comes to a sporting environment with guys means being sarcastic, crude and dishing out what he's giving you even harder (the p.c. approach won't work unless it's coming from the sensei); or (2) beat him physically while others are watching. You don't have to go balls to the wall and risk someone getting hurt but just hard enough to let him know that you are physically more capable than he, and to embarrass him if possible. If he's only one belt below you and you don't like sparring much, you may even want to train hard for a short period to make sure you're in the right mental and physical shape to wipe the mats with his ass. I think you're better off with option 2 because you'll get more respect, and just as important, you'll nip the situation in the bud with anyone else who might want to join in with the jerk.
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    Dec 03, 2008 3:47 AM GMT
    Ask him out on a date....that's what he wants. ..If he acts all offended, just give him the brush off with "oh, I thought that's what you wanted with all the 'girly man' talk....only closet cases talk like that" ....that should shut him up.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Dec 03, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    Caslon gets the hero points! ^_^
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    Dec 03, 2008 4:18 AM GMT
    Give us his address.
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    Dec 03, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    I think a good sparring match would be nice. It could show him that you can handle yourself with confidence, not like you go prancing around like Bambi or the tooth fairy.

    He is probably intimidated by you; that a gay man can kick butt better than him.
    You could just be direct and tell him to stop.
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    Dec 03, 2008 6:07 PM GMT
    Haha I used to take TKD in grade school. I remember thinking lowly of this 'nerdy' kid younger than me but bigger, and who was a higher belt than me. Eventually we ended up sparring, and single kicks connecting from this guy would knock the wind out of me, and I had full pads too! I gained alot of respect for him that day and beyond, and wonder how far he took the sport. I've gotten alot better myself...
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    Dec 11, 2008 4:51 AM GMT
    That ones easy: You should go down high school style!, find some physical peculiarity and capitalize on it! That always works!! Men are always insecure bout their bodies, even if they were the David Di Michelangelo, but carefull not to do it on front of his group of buddies or some smart ass may put their fork on the conversation and blow up ur evil plans!!icon_wink.gif

    If for some coincidence u get to fight with him on practice, surprise him with an Ushiro Keru right after the Hashime call!!

    Anyways arent u a red belt?? then i supose hes an Orengi so make him do some pushups!!!!icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 13, 2008 11:04 PM GMT
    He is just engaging in a form of bullying and is insecure about himself. People who point out what they perceive as other people's shortcomings are insecure themselves. He is working a game where he puts you down in order to move himself forward relative to you. Yet respect and position is never gained that way. Respect is always earned, not gained in a relative way by pushing other people to the rear.

    Don't take his comments personally and know that it is his inner insecurity that is driving his comments and behavior and its really not about you as a person, you are just handy to play into his insecurity game.

    Keep working your sport one day when he rises to your rank you will knock him into an appropriate defeat. Have confidence in all that you are and all that you have accomplished, and show him compassion for being the worm of a man that he is. Tell him that you have this compassion and why you have it.

    In life we need to pick out battles, pick ones that offer something to win, and preferably to pick battles that are winnable. When you are confident and satisfied with yourself as you are, then you have won this battle as he can not take anything from you. If he is verbally bullying you in a group setting and you would like it to stop, then make it know that you don't respect him as an honorable opponent for the lack of confidence he exhibits via his bullying. That his line of verbage is not the stuff that martial arts is made of, but merely that of an insecure blowhard, and that you feel sorry for him having spent so much time in the sport only to have missed the whole point of its philosophy, but that is he sticks with it some more perhaps it will sink in.

    I am certain that this will shut him up, or at least give him a moment of repose, and that people within ear shot will favor your high-ground approach. Perhaps he may even learn to listen, and to values others around him who are different from him.
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    Dec 31, 2008 10:37 AM GMT
    Hi Zane! I am also in TKD! One of the fundamentals I think about TKD that is imporant is Respect for others. Apparently he is missing out on this aspect. I think it would be ok if you talked to your Master about his behavior and the comments. A Dojo needs respect from all students. TKD is all about self expression and bettering oneself! I think talking it over with your peers and letting him know that he must stop!
  • lucas07094

    Posts: 6

    Oct 04, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    Zane -

    You got allot of great advice on here. The one point that is missing is you had mentioned he was a belt lower than you. While the school is a place of mutual respect, the lower belts must definitly show respect to the higher color belts.

    I do think the best advice though is to give him a shot or two during a sparring match, that will most definitely shut him up. You should by all means let the Master know what is going on. Any true Master will not tolerate that in his school.

    Let me know how it turned out...
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    Oct 04, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    I agree with Lucas. I really like my TKD school b/c that would not be tolerated at all. That said, though I'm the only openly gay guy, the straight guys are all great. Some tease me but it's in a very collegial way and I tease them right back. I also think he is probably intimidated by you because you're not fitting his image of what a "girly-man" is. If you can be a homo and kick ass, maybe he's a homo, too.

    I would to the following in order:

    Ask him to stop with the taunting.

    If he doesn't, tell the Master.

    If Master doesn't put an end to it, kick his ass.
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    Oct 04, 2009 11:44 PM GMT
    I always had to put people in their place in high school. I usually brush those things off ,but this one girl in my English class use to mock me a lot and thought I didn't notice it(I did) until she went to far and called me a FAG.

    I jumped over the desk and got in her face, told her.

    " keep it up girlfriend! I swearrr to goodness I will drag your ass into the school parking lot and show you how much of a fag I am....Do you understand me?"

    Mind you this was in front of a class of 24 students teacher and all.

    Would I have beat her up...No... That's why I have girlfriends for icon_wink.gif

    I got in my band directors face ,because he did something really stupid to me.

    Football players Face.

    and sooo on.

    I am a really nice person and hardly get mad ,but i'm sorry I don't play peoples little shit games.

    Don't underestimate the Femme or girly man lol
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    Nov 26, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    Caslon12000 saidAsk him out on a date....that's what he wants. ..If he acts all offended, just give him the brush off with "oh, I thought that's what you wanted with all the 'girly man' talk....only closet cases talk like that" ....that should shut him up.


    OMG this made me laugh to freaking much.... mainly because I actually did this when I practiced Taekwondo.

    Good Story:

    This guy would always tease me and tell me "dont break a nail" when I sparred with other guys in my level. He was two belts ahead of me (I was red and he was black). One day I told my friend (who was the only other black belt guy in that class) to skip so that the other bastard dint have anyone to sparr with. I volunteered and the guy said "You sure? I wouldnt want to hit a girl". Bottom line, I did a jump spin roundhouse kick on his face, knocked some blood out of him, and then came over and said in a very girly voice "Like, omg, are you okay, but like okay?" he told me to go away and before I left i said "dint know girls could kick your ass that easily"

    But back to you ZaneC (by the way I love your name plus your'e a real cuttie). You could do what I did and try and sparr him and kick his ass or you could just say "if you want to go out with me, just say so" and see his reaction. If I was that guy, I would probably tease you too so you could ask me that and I could say "okay, wanna go out?" HAHA.

    Hope things work out for you Zaneicon_wink.gif
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    Nov 26, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    Girly man? REALLY??? sounds like a case of projection..that said...seriously..
    You are a higher rank than he..Tae Kwan do..at least most schools that I know of..take the Confucian idea of older brother, respect etc...quite seriously..

    If you can't kick his ass in sparing, then it is time to be the older brother, take him aside for an adult chat.

    ""I don't know what you think this practice is all about, but for me, it's about respect, conditioning and dicipline.' when you say things like...____it does not put you in a favorable light. Perhaps you are not aware of this, and I am sure you mean no disrespect. I expect you to treat me with the same respect here that I treat you. Have I made myself very clear?"

    Good luck
  • zenny

    Posts: 229

    Feb 23, 2010 7:10 AM GMT
    That's stupid, that guy shouldn't have been in that academy. Martial arts number one teaching is DISCIPLINE!!!!
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    Feb 23, 2010 7:28 AM GMT
    Blast "Mortal Kombat" and finish him!
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:11 AM GMT
    He gets 20 push-ups every time he speaks to you without respect. Your master instructor should be enforcing this.
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    Feb 23, 2010 9:17 AM GMT
    Jboegz saidBlast "Mortal Kombat" and finish him!


    !!!!GENIUS!!!!
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    Feb 23, 2010 9:59 AM GMT
    too girly??? there's no way anyone can be too girly for tae kwon do icon_twisted.gif

    icon_lol.gif (kidding, just couldn't help it)
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    Feb 24, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    He's having a pissing contest with you. He probably doesn't like the fact that the gay guy is a belt higher than him, so he's just trying to get under your skin. If you're a red belt, then you obviously are good at what you do and have a place there because you've successfully completed the same goals that everyone else has had to at that level, so it's all just noise. Who cares what he thinks really.
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Aug 05, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidHe gets 20 push-ups every time he speaks to you without respect. Your master instructor should be enforcing this.


    Just 20? Geez, we do 50 knuckle pushups when we fuck up at my academy haha.