Being in the closet makes you mean, period. It's comparable to being oppressed or in prison, ain't nobody gonna be happy bout that shit!
However, "coming out" isn't the same for everyone. To me "coming out" is exactly what you've already done: you've accepted it and you don't mind being a little gay sometimes because you accept it represents the real you.
As far as being a little more yourself (gay acting) in public, the sad truth is that depending on your locality, you may not be able. I live in the heart of Oklahoma, I've accepted it. I'm myself around the right people, but I mostly maintain a neutral persona. I don't think it's a cop out, the nuetral me is totally part of me and I don't regard it as an act. It's a part of me that will however fade when I get to a more gay friendly environment.
You are fine, I can relate to you so I think you are doing everything right. You are not in a closet, you just keep your drapes drawn. It'll be great the day you can open em up, but until then all that fabulousness will just have to be enjoyed by you and your friends. Maybe the world isn't ready. Atleast you can call yourself GAY, that is leaps and bounds above some of these sad individuals here. To them I say.......
I think this all needs saying again, as some good points have been made.
But I don't call myself Gay. I don't belong to the gay community anymore, as I gave back my gay card well over 20 years ago, and went and lived out in the real world again, a place I feel more at Home, and Accepted.
But when I did start to live the gay life, in a gay community. It still was not safe to do so as in many parts of the world now it is. Gosh my whole life revolved around the gay community. For those 5 years, all my friends in the city were gay, I worked for the gay community, and being a young farm boy, with the build that come with it. I was noticed.
But then AIDS come along, and everything changed overnight. I stood by my brothers and the gay community, when so many went running home to mommy, to be safe. I did not run, nor hide. I stood stead fast, endured police raids of the bathhouse, and the government was trying to have it listed as a brothel, the abuse I endured. Then when all the hysteria died down, and people started to feel safe again, out from under the bed, and out of the closet they come. The things I seen. The friends who are now dead.
So when I left the gay community, and gave back my gay card because of all the bad things I seen in the community I then belonged to. I look back now, and can see that when I left that life behind, I left behind a fantasy world, and went to live in the world of reality. If ever I go to visit the gay community in the City I live. I remain on the outside looking in.
I am now the only fag in the Village. To me "fag" is not a bad word, I'm redefining it. I am not gay acting, nor strait acting, I'm me. Sure I must flip a wrist the wrong way sometimes, but I'm not trying to hide my sexuality, I'm just being me. my sexuality does not define me as a whole, as there are many aspects to Pattison.
I love it when I get to take some of me City mates camping, or to the bush, and they see a side of me they don't in the City. A very resorsful one; skills I don't need in the City. The same goes, when a friend will come up to the City, and I take em out to a place I like to eat, and the meal is on me. They are like wow. But want to also feel I've become a snob. But I'm not I'm just suited to the environment I'm in. We are in a 5 star restaurant, and not a bush pub.
But because I have no need to stand under the banner of gay, nor act gay. Does not mean I have issues with my sexuality, or am repressed. Look at all the gay men here who may have resentment for me, because I refuse to fit into another mold, of what it is to be a homosexual. In so many ways. I felt repressed when I was a member of the gay community. For one I never had a need to act gay. Also at the end of the day. I really only had so many friends in the gay community, because they wanted to bed me, or the guys who were attracted to me. Now I have real mates.
But being the only fag in the village, a pure homosexual. I feel free. I am liberated. I could now go back to the bush and live and be very contented, knowing I was not missing out on one thing!
PS. Talked with My 91 YO. Mormon gran today, and my sexuality come up, and she told me: she has no Issues with gay people, and told me how much she loved me, and I was her number one!