Made out with best friend

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    Nov 08, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    Help! My straight best friend of 12 plus years and I made out. We had been drinking and he got mad at me over something and walked out of my apartment. I chased him down because I didn't want him walking home that far at night alone. So after following him around and him telling me to go away he finally gave in and came back to my apartment. He accused me of not trusting him and not cAring about him which is not true. We just lost a friend who got hit by a car who was really close to him so he's been a lil stressed. When we got back to my apartment I told him I did care about him and loved him. He then started crying because I guess he was feeling sad about his life and about our friend that just died. So I hugged him and told him I love him and he can trust me. He kept trying to act like I didn't care about him so I finally said if prove it and grabbed him and kissed him. Like a peck. But it didn't end there. Next thing you know we are standing up and I grabbed him again and kissed him. He kissed me back and then we were making out. It felt amazing because I've wanted to kiss my friend for yeArs and years. He pressed up against me. After about 6 minutes we left to the store and held hands the whole way there and the whole way back. The next morning I dropped him off at home and got a message on Facebook pretty much very unhappy saying I took advantage of him while he was messed up and how he isn't with that "gay" shit and how he will beat my ass if I ever pull something like that again. Etc etc etc. Then he disabled his Facebook account. He tried to say I kissed him after he said no which is not true because he kissed me back and it was mutual. He says he doesn't remember much blah blah blah and didn't remember anything until after I dropped him off. I can't get in contact with him and I really care about him in general he's like a brother to me we've been through a lot together. What do I do now?
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    Nov 08, 2013 2:17 PM GMT
    I think this is one of those situations where you have to deal in person.
    Go to his place, talk to him... Tell him the truth... Apologize( just to not hurt him more because he's is already upset about his friends loss; And don't admit it was totally your move)
    Try saying something like "look, we both were drunk, neither of us ( probably) were fully aware of what were doing, why not let begone be begone" maybe it'll work.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Nov 08, 2013 2:24 PM GMT
    These things alwAys start oUt with - "we had bEen drinking..."
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    Nov 08, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    TLDR: jas aka harris aka aka aka aka aka aka aka aka aka spins more bullshit.
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    Nov 08, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    We were fucked up. And we were both going through a lot, and I think it felt good to just have each other in the moment. We were vulnerable I think. I mean we've been messed up together plenty of times and this never happened over 13 years. I mean we hug and say I love you that's the norm we are close like that. But this whole kissing situation I think was some type of release. I really hope to talk to him soon.
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    Nov 08, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    tumblr_mn0sryYXfm1rjf5c9o1_500.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 08, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    Grief may cause you to do things you might not normally do. Leave him alone for a while ... he is grieving over the loss of your friend ... eventually he will come around ... as for taking advantage of him ... ya, that's bullshit, but whatever ... let him have his little claim to being straight ... personally, if he came back around, I would tell him it's been nice being friends but I'm not going to take the full responsibility for acting out when he was drunk and if he feels that way about it, maybe he should consider going to AA if he has no control over his facilities when he drinks
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    Nov 08, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidI'm so tired of assholes.

    Here's what you do. You text him and say, "I'm not going to apologize for anything. You're a grownup and we did what we did. If you can't deal with it, fine, fuck you. I still want you as a friend but not with this childish drama. kthx."


    Well i would text him but he doesn't have a phone right now. So we communicate through Facebook. Really he needs to get over it I was dumb enough to let him think it's my fault but when I talk to him again I'm gonna let him know that it's not my fault. I specifically remember him kissing me backs couple times. And I even asked if it was ok that we held hands and he said yes. And on the way back from the store that night he grabbed my hand. Not gonna lie it was the best kiss I've ever had considering it was with someone I truly do care about. I even remember him agreeing that what happened between us that night stayed between us like right after it happened. plus I remember I kept saying "u really think u can handle how much I care about you? Because I don't think u can" and he kept saying yes lol. Fuckin asshole.
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    Nov 08, 2013 6:49 PM GMT
    If a gay man became drunk and kissed a female friend; I don't think it would be this big of a deal. Just tell him you both made a mistake and lets not let it ruin our friendship.

    If something like this ever comes up again REALLY point it out to him, and I wouldn't participate. Sorry, you obviously like him icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 08, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    For some reason I thought of Izzy and George sleeping together, after George's father passed on.

    izziegeorge2.jpg
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    Nov 08, 2013 7:17 PM GMT
    Of course I like him but not to the point where we can't be friends cause I've been friends with him for a long time. Of course after we hit puberty I started being attracted to him but we are friends and that will never change. All my friends are "straight" so it's not like I don't know how to act n control myself around them. I've always had close friendships like that.
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    Nov 08, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    cj1111 saidReally he needs to get over it I was dumb enough to let him think it's my fault but when I talk to him again I'm gonna let him know that it's not my fault. ... Fuckin asshole.

    I can't say that I think that's a good way to handle this situation. He's a friend of 12 plus years. Do you really want to throw that away just to save some face and play the blame game?

    I would do as others have said and give him some time, then apologize and say that you were both drunk and avoid getting into a discussion of whose fault it was. If his friendship really is important to you you could even be noble and magnanimous and agree with him that it was your fault; after all, you did give him a little kiss first.
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    Nov 08, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    cj1111 saidReally he needs to get over it I was dumb enough to let him think it's my fault but when I talk to him again I'm gonna let him know that it's not my fault. ... Fuckin asshole.

    I can't say that I think that's a good way to handle this situation. He's a friend of 12 plus years. Do you really want to throw that away just to save some face and play the blame game?

    I would do as others have said and give him some time, then apologize and say that you were both drunk and avoid getting into a discussion of whose fault it was. If his friendship really is important to you you could even be noble and magnanimous and agree with him that it was your fault; after all, you did give him a little kiss first.
    yeah his friendship does mean a lot to me. I mean I can talk to this guy about anything. And he always positively supports me and he encourages me any time I have a situation that needs encouragement. I love having him as a friend. So I think I will just give it time. I'm sure a friendship of that long can't be ruined over a one night event. I have a feeling he will come back but I think he needs time to think about everything. Maybe the memories of him acting on things will also slowly come back to him and what not.
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    Nov 08, 2013 7:48 PM GMT
    Talk to him.
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    Nov 08, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    cj1111 saidMaybe the memories of him acting on things will also slowly come back to him and what not.

    Don't dwell on that; let it go. He obviously feels unhappy and uncomfortable about having kissed you; remember that.
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    Nov 08, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    He's feeling embarrassed and vulnerable on top of still grieving. Give him time and space. Having gone through this myself I've learned that sometimes you just have to let the person work it out for themselves. If you still care about your friendship, the next time you see him or write him I would just say, "we were both pretty drunk and hurting and did things we probably wouldn't have done. Things got a little crazy. Let's just put that whole night behind us and keep it our secret ok? And by the way, how are you holding up man?"
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    Nov 08, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidsounds like you took full advantage of him right there, dude. don't know why you kissed him and the fact that you remembered everything seems like you intended to do what you did. hell, you said that you wanted to kiss him for years so you exactly knew what you were doing. you should apologize for fucking up but hell.. i wouldn't blame him for being too creeped out though. he might think you'll try to lure him into bed next and i wouldn't blame him for that shit or him wanting to not be your friend anymore. he obviously can't trust you enough to not take advantage of him when he's drunk. you knew what you were doing.

    my inhibitions go down when I drink. My memories don't go away like most ppl. I don't remember every detail, but anything attached to a feeling always remains. Like I said this isn't the first time me n him have been messed up together. The friend who died was my friend too, but he was with him two hours before he died. And he's known him a lot longer.
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    Nov 08, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    Myol saidHe's feeling embarrassed and vulnerable on top of still grieving. Give him time and space. Having gone through this myself I've learned that sometimes you just have to let the person work it out for themselves. If you still care about your friendship, the next time you see him or write him I would just say, "we were both pretty drunk and hurting and did things we probably wouldn't have done. Things got a little crazy. Let's just put that whole night behind us and keep it our secret ok? And by the way, how are you holding up man?"
    i agree. I appreciate all y'all's advice.
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    Nov 09, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    If he is straight as you say he will most likely want to deny or forget that it ever happened. I have a straight friend that bottomed for a black transexual years ago. He said he doesn't like penis after that. Then one night we were drunk and watched a porno. I tried to get him to jack off to it but he said he was very private about that. So it was just forgotten and we are still friends. BTW he kissed me a few times too but I'm not really interested in much more.
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    Nov 09, 2013 12:39 AM GMT
    Thanks for sharing. And see sometimes people don't realize how complex a real friendship or relationship can be. Like if you let a dog kiss u does that make u into beasteLity? I don't get why kissing has to be a gay thing when between two males anyway.... I just felt it was a display of affection. I mean shit he kept sayin I didn't care about him so I showed him he was wrong.
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    Nov 09, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    cj1111 saidThanks for sharing. And see sometimes people don't realize how complex a real friendship or relationship can be. Like if you let a dog kiss u does that make u into beasteLity? I don't get why kissing has to be a gay thing when between two males anyway.... I just felt it was a display of affection. I mean shit he kept sayin I didn't care about him so I showed him he was wrong.

    That's clearly not the case because you do have feelings for him that are deeper then just friendship. THATS why it's a "gay thing". It wasn't just some "display of affection"....I mean it was but it was a DISPLAY of affection. And the fact that it turned into making out doesn't help your case of "it's just a display of affection."

    I know we can sit here and argue all day about how other cultures do XYZ but that's neither here or now. In both of your cultures, lip to lip contact is a sign of intimacy, romance and sexual desire.
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    Nov 09, 2013 1:51 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    cj1111 saidThanks for sharing. And see sometimes people don't realize how complex a real friendship or relationship can be. Like if you let a dog kiss u does that make u into beasteLity? I don't get why kissing has to be a gay thing when between two males anyway.... I just felt it was a display of affection. I mean shit he kept sayin I didn't care about him so I showed him he was wrong.

    That's clearly not the case because you do have feelings for him that are deeper then just friendship. THATS why it's a "gay thing". It wasn't just some "display of affection"....I mean it was but it was a DISPLAY of affection. And the fact that it turned into making out doesn't help your case of "it's just a display of affection."

    I know we can sit here and argue all day about how other cultures do XYZ but that's neither here or now. In both of your cultures, lip to lip contact is a sign of intimacy, romance and sexual desire.
    i don't know. I mean I don't wanna argue either but you have to understand that this person is not just somebody I've known for a few months or a year. I've known him since he was 11 years old. It's a real friendship. Like we enjoy each other's company. We've gotten into trouble together, our families know each other. The love I have for him is the same love I have for his cousins which I've known just as long and our friends that we all grew up together. Like I said we were both emotionally unstable at the time but I've made out with close girlfriends who've maybe had an attraction to me for the fact that she's a girl and I'm a boy but we are still truly friends. I may be wrong but u make it sound as if all I want from him is a sexual relationship. I do love him to death but it's a true love not an obsession. I'm not in love with him but I love him.
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    Nov 09, 2013 1:52 AM GMT
    AardvarkPetter said
    cj1111 saidHelp! My straight best friend of 12 plus years and I made out. We had been drinking and he got mad at me over something and walked out of my apartment. I chased him down because I didn't want him walking home that far at night alone. So after following him around and him telling me to go away he finally gave in and came back to my apartment. He accused me of not trusting him and not cAring about him which is not true. We just lost a friend who got hit by a car who was really close to him so he's been a lil stressed. When we got back to my apartment I told him I did care about him and loved him. He then started crying because I guess he was feeling sad about his life and about our friend that just died. So I hugged him and told him I love him and he can trust me. He kept trying to act like I didn't care about him so I finally said if prove it and grabbed him and kissed him. Like a peck. But it didn't end there. Next thing you know we are standing up and I grabbed him again and kissed him. He kissed me back and then we were making out. It felt amazing because I've wanted to kiss my friend for yeArs and years. He pressed up against me. After about 6 minutes we left to the store and held hands the whole way there and the whole way back. The next morning I dropped him off at home and got a message on Facebook pretty much very unhappy saying I took advantage of him while he was messed up and how he isn't with that "gay" shit and how he will beat my ass if I ever pull something like that again. Etc etc etc. Then he disabled his Facebook account. He tried to say I kissed him after he said no which is not true because he kissed me back and it was mutual. He says he doesn't remember much blah blah blah and didn't remember anything until after I dropped him off. I can't get in contact with him and I really care about him in general he's like a brother to me we've been through a lot together. What do I do now?



    Do it again and get beat up.
    lol very creative and thoughtful.
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    Nov 09, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    What's funny is I didn't want to bring it up the next day. It's usually the "gay guy" that wants to bring it up but I wanted to pretend it didn't happen when I was sober. He brang it up.
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    Nov 09, 2013 2:00 AM GMT
    cj1111 said... What do I do now?


    Use Grindr to find him. It's a geolocation app.