Is it a bad idea to be in a friendship where you're both very physically attracted to each other?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    Like you realize that you have nearly identical values and you get along really well, but you know you aren't both in the same place in life to make a relationship work right now. You don't want to do anything to ruin the friendship because of the chemistry. You know that sex would complicate things ridiculously. You also know that you can't be alone together in private because you'll hump each other within seconds.

    Thoughts?
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    Nov 09, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    For me it's a horrible idea; subsequently, why I only have straight friends and why they continually have to remind me of that fact.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 09, 2013 7:52 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidHave sex so there is no regrets.

    Myol saidLike you realize that you have nearly identical values and you get along really well, but you know you aren't both in the same place in life to make a relationship work right now. You don't want to do anything to ruin the friendship because of the chemistry. You know that sex would complicate things ridiculously. You also know that you can't be alone together in private because you'll hump each other within seconds.

    Thoughts?

    +1000
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    Nov 09, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    Could be just that I haven't had anywhere near as much sex in my life as I would have liked ----- but, I've never felt that sex and friendship (without a full-fledged commited romantic relationship) are or need to be mutually exclusive categories. The important thing is for each of the two friends to have enough self-awareness to know if they are or aren't capable of being "friends with benefits." I get that for some folks that's an oxymoron and the."benefits" will harm the "friendship." But I don't think that's a universal given. To the contrary, I believe that sex is, in its essential nature, a friendly activity.
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    Nov 10, 2013 1:22 AM GMT
    I think this is how most gay guys seek out friends. They only open up to guys that they are attracted to, at first. Then they either end up hooking up or get friend-zoned.
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    Nov 10, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    Well this one hits close to home. My best friend and I were in the same situation. We did end up being intimate...and from there, we tried dating. However, we realized we weren't into each other like that and were better off as friends. It's risky...I'm not the kind of guy who has regrets and although everything with us is fine now and back to normal, if I could, I wouldn't have done stuff with him.

  • Nov 10, 2013 8:29 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI think this is how most gay guys seek out friends. They only open up to guys that they are attracted to, at first. Then they either end up hooking up or get friend-zoned.


    +1
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    Nov 10, 2013 8:41 AM GMT
    JonnyMIA said
    xrichx saidI think this is how most gay guys seek out friends. They only open up to guys that they are attracted to, at first. Then they either end up hooking up or get friend-zoned.


    All my friends are pretty much attractive. And some of my best friends began as a hook up. Sue me.icon_confused.gif
    Ahh.. my point is proven. icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 10, 2013 11:22 AM GMT
    No it is fine. It is really not that hard to control yourself. Just remind yourself of what the fallout would be.
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    Nov 10, 2013 11:45 AM GMT
    Ohno saidNo it is fine. It is really not that hard to control yourself. Just remind yourself of what the fallout would be.


    Strongly agree!!!
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 10, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidthis thread depresses me. *sighs*

    you apparently don't know what a friend is.

    Once you hit 30, a friend is someone who will spend time with you, until they meet their future spouse, and then you get together to "catch up" every couple of years or so.icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 10, 2013 4:52 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    thebearerofbadnews saidthis thread depresses me. *sighs*

    you apparently don't know what a friend is.

    Once you hit 30, a friend is someone who will spend time with you, until they meet their future spouse, and then you get together to "catch up" every couple of years or so.icon_lol.gif


    gold star for Joe! certainly sums up my friendships after 30.
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    Nov 10, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    Nothing ruins sex like friendship.
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    Nov 10, 2013 7:15 PM GMT
    I can't be friends with someone I think is hot.its only a matter if time till were alone and fucking..bad idea..unless we gonna be bang buddies
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    Nov 15, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidthis thread depresses me. *sighs*

    you obviously don't know how to be a friend. remember, people treat you the way you want to be treated. if you look @ other gay men as sex objects and are supposed to cater to your self interests as in you're using them for whatever you could get out of them, don't be surprised when people come @ you the same way. the fact that you don't even know how to be someone's friend without contemplating about having sex with them says a lot about you and the guys encouraging you as well... eyyy....


    I want to rip into you but I remember that you posted that you have some stuff going on that makes your responses come out differently than you intended. But having never had sex with 90% of my friends before, male or female, I respectfully will tell you that your response doesn't apply to me. In fact, my discomfort in the terrain of having sex with my friends is precisely why I'm asking this question.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Nov 15, 2013 4:48 AM GMT
    Fuck the shit out of him
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    Nov 15, 2013 6:29 AM GMT
    Ohno saidNo it is fine. It is really not that hard to control yourself. Just remind yourself of what the fallout would be.


    + 1 well said, agreed. I had a situation like this before and the guy ignored me now because I didn't reciprocate the same feelings.
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    Nov 15, 2013 8:28 AM GMT
    Friendship endures (usually). Sexual attraction can fade. If you're both turned on to each other (usually it is one-sided attraction) why not get it on, get it over with, and get on. Sex does not have to mean falling in love, and for most men, it doesn't.
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    Nov 15, 2013 10:05 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidFriendship endures (usually). Sexual attraction can fade.


    Agreed! For me, the friendship is not a bad idea because after getting to know a guy, I'm able to separate my infatuation for him and determine that there is a value in being friends. But in order for this to work, the other guy has to reciprocate the same feelings. Otherwise, the best solution is severing all ties.
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    Jun 29, 2015 2:56 AM GMT
    Lovehidemelody said
    xrichx saidI think this is how most gay guys seek out friends. They only open up to guys that they are attracted to, at first. Then they either end up hooking up or get friend-zoned.


    +1


    +2

    Oddly enough, I'm best friends with the guys I've actually asked out, so in the end despite being rejected, I ended up with awesome friends.
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    Jun 29, 2015 6:39 PM GMT
    Yes, love at first site is rather risky... from my experience anyway. Especially when you two make out for the first time and find out that all he wants you to be is his personal fuck buddy. icon_redface.gif

    That's when you yourself move on and find another guy. But this time you get to know first, making sure he keeps his cock in his pants till you know for sure he can be trusted.