Do long distance relationships (LDRs) work? If so, how did it work out for you? PS. Don't LDRs come with an expiration date?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
    I question if long distance relationships work.

    You know how you meet someone by chance, either by visiting some place or even online, you become mutually attracted but then you and the person live eons apart?

    Has any one has been in a long distance relationship that worked out?

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    Dec 03, 2008 8:38 PM GMT
    I just got out of a long distance relationship, and I thought it really was working...at least on my part.

    The whole relationship was NOT an LDR, we had actually lived together for a year, and I had recently moved for grad school. Long story short, he cheated because I had moved away. On my end, I thought it was working...and at times it sucked being away, we did visit back and forth quite a bit. I think it really just depends on the person.
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    Dec 03, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    My ex and I were together for 6yrs. The first year or so was long distance.
    He lived in another state when we met. So we talked on the phone a lot
    in the beginning. Then we decided to take trips every few months
    to see each other. We visited each others city and for the holidays
    we took a cruise. I think LDR can work. But you have to work
    at it. It can be costly too. ( My advice..date an airline steward
    or a pilot. LOL ! Kidding !! ) Keep you eye out for bargain flights
    and try meeting in places you both would like to go. It's about
    creating a memory as well as developing closeness. Even when
    distance is an issue.

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    Dec 03, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    My bf and I were initially in a long distance relationship. We started dating in October 2007, when I was a senior at college. I went to school 3 hours from where he lived in Maryland near D.C. It worked very well.

    Once a month I would go up to see him for the weekend, and he would come down to see me. We called each other on Wednesday and Saturday evenings like clockwork and would talk for one or 2 hours. No calls in between unless it was to talk about plans for something. It worked for us.

    The real hard part has been the past 4 months, when our LDR was replaced by me living 20 minutes away, and I am adjusting to not being in college anymore and looking for work and a decent place to live. There's definitely been A LOT of growing pains, but I feel that we've grown because of it. So there you go.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Dec 03, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    I've only had LDRs throughout my entire life so I'm more or less accustom to them, my partners however have expressed frustration over the situation. I'm also a bit of a lone-wolf so I've been able to cope with it rather well, although admittedly it would be nicer if I did live closer.

    My previous relationships started building up trouble mainly because of the lack of communication, not saying that we didn't talk but that we weren't open enough to tell each other what we thought was going on. I think this is a problem that can arise in any relationship, but I'd have to say there is a higher possibility in LDRs seeing as you can't simply go 'Alright we have to meet. Now'

    Even the relationship I'm having now is a LDR and I'd have to say it's working out well; we've made sure to be completely open of what we think and not bottle up anything inside. It is one of the keys that have made it possible, and also that I have expressed future plans of moving to him which kind of makes the LDR situation be perceived as rather temporary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
    My current LTR of almost 8 years started out as a LDR. I lived in New Orleans and he lived in Southern California. I remember it being very easy because it was so new and I think we were both so smitten with each other. We did long distance for about a year but there was always the intent for me to move to CA at certain point in time. THAT is a crucial part of making it work, working towards some sort of goal of being together eventually. We were able to see each other once every month or so and it really makes the time you do spend together really special and exciting but I'm sure it's hard to make that situation work with no end in sight. We also had a LOT of phone sex too LOL!
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    Dec 04, 2008 12:58 AM GMT
    Blackstar said My advice..date an airline steward
    or a pilot. LOL ! Kidding !!

    We did that for 5 years with runs from Atlanta to Z├╝rich and back. Between his employment with the airline and me somethimes working in Europe, we spent almost half of each month together. Short visits up to a week on each other's turf were great, but extended visits felt like an invasion and occupation.

    That relationship is one of the highlights of this life with a lot of enjoyment of cultural differences. It ended because he could not get a Green Card and I wouldn't move to Switzerland. Not to prostelitize about the importance of gay marriage, but it would have made a difference for us.

    The bottom line now is that you better live closer than across town with no traffic nightmares to negotiate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    We met online, 1500 miles apart. Chatted for over a year, exchanged photos, talked on the phone.

    Finally I flew to stay with him for 2 weeks. Next month he did the same with me. The month after that I made the trip by motorcycle. Another month and he flew back to my place. Next month it was my turn again. Finally we decided to settle on one place to live together, and did, a new home for both of us.

    We had a wonderful life together until he tragically died suddenly. But that doesn't alter the fact that love can be found at any distance, and can be made to work if it's important enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    yup... they work BUT only of both parties are willing to make the necessary sacrifices.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 06, 2008 12:36 PM GMT
    Yeah ... they work
    in each other's minds

    You can't have a relationship which by definition means that you spend Time together when the TIME TOGETHER is missing

    It's going to have to be some special bond between you two to make it work
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    There's gotta be more success stories of LDRs that did work out.
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Jan 09, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    My friend met a guy in Spain on vacation. They did long distance (Lake Tahoe, California to Barcelona!) for about 2 years I believe.

    Eventually my friend moved over there.


    As far as I know, they seem happy.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 8:19 AM GMT
    Ive had three long distance relationships that did work and 4 that did not. It really depends upon the individuals in the relationship and it really takes a lot of work. I think if you go into the relationship knowing the pit falls and knowing that you have to get over the rough spots like not seeing each other for periods of time AND the communication is there then I think youll stand a decent chance. Its when the communication stops or fails. What is all boils down to is what YOU make it.
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    Jan 09, 2009 12:51 PM GMT
    End it.
    You deserve to be happy...now.icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 1:12 PM GMT
    I've had two LDRs. Both ended in less than 6 months.

    I met my first lover in law school in Boston. He graduated first and moved to Philadelphia. At first we were together very weekend, then every other weekend, then occasionally, then we admitted we were both seeing other people, then nothing.

    My second LDR was with someone from Dallas, a great charismatic guy. Same trajectory.

    Unless you have tremendous patience and tact, and a total lack of local opportunities, an LDR will not be a LTR.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 09, 2009 1:18 PM GMT
    It dont work for me. My ex was living in my house (that I pay installment) , while I am at work in another city 300km away. In my absence he bring other guys (and girls) back ,and have sex on my bed. I find evidence of his indelity such as a bottle of lube (that was empty but was full the last time we use it), he complain of tiredness when I ask for sex., cigrattes butt and stuff that dont belong to both of us. He finally admitted to it and that when I know I will never have a long distance relationship again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    i think just about anything "can" work - "will it work" depends entirely on the two people involved. whether it's distance, age, ethinicity - whatever the factors - both people have to be committed to it, which means working through whatever challenges or obstacles present themselves.
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    Jan 09, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    I had a LTR that turned into a LDR at the end and frankly, that killed the "R" eventually. We had been together for 11 years when an unwanted change of career occurred (the place he worked laid him off -- he has a **very** specialized job) and the only option for him was to take a job in DC.

    We commuted back and forth and saw each other every 2-3 weeks and spoke often on the phone, but one day when he came back (the day after out 12th anniversary), he said he could not do the LDR thing anymore and we broke up. We're still good friends, though.

    It may be because we spent so much time together that the distance thing killed "us" (in fact, that is pretty likely).

    Intellectually, I like to think that for two adults knowing what they are in for, an LDR could work, at least for a while. But my heart says it would be tough for anything more than about 6 months (and I do tend to be a lone wolf type).

    Your mileage may vary.
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    Jan 09, 2009 3:25 PM GMT
    aagerry saidI had a LTR that turned into a LDR at the end and frankly, that killed the "R" eventually.


    I have a similar story but ended up back together with my partner. My partner eventually moved back after we realized that a LDR was not the way we wanted to live. There is just so much we missed about each other on a daily basis that could not be made up on a weekend visit.

    Also, people assumed it was the end our relationship. That and many other factors made it no fun at all.

    A really hard part was when he moved back. For a long time we had troubles getting back into couple mode. So, in my experience I would not recommend it.

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    Jan 09, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidI met my first lover in law school in Boston. He graduated first and moved to Philadelphia. At first we were together very weekend, then every other weekend, then occasionally, then we admitted we were both seeing other people, then nothing.


    Ally...? Ally McBeal... is that you?! icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jan 09, 2009 4:15 PM GMT
    I'm in one right now and it's killing me cuz I miss him so much. Regardless, so far anyway, it seems to be working really well because we have great chemistry and awesome communication between us. We talk almost every day, and we're working towards our next vacation together in a few months. I think when we do spend time together, like our last vacation together, it will be really special and we won't take it, or each other, for granted. Long distance relationships come with their own special, and significant, pitfalls due to the distance, but like any relationship, if you work at it, it can be rewarding and it can work. I do think that at some point there needs to be some light at the end of the tunnel where you will both be together living in the same place. For now though, I'm just taking it one step at a time, enjoying the ride, and feeling very blessed to have this amazing man in my life -- even if most of the time it is from a distance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    Ughhhh of course they work. Look at the military jeez. I've never seen so many happily ever afters in all my lifeicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    They work if you have a long term plan to eventually be together in the same place.

    If there's no way or plan for you to eventually be together, then it will dissolve.
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    Jan 09, 2009 9:34 PM GMT
    We met while we were on vacation in Greece. BF and I did the LDR between Cologne and Amsterdam for 6 years. Saw each other on most weekends, vacations and would talk on the phone several times per week. Enjoyed that period a lot, I had my freedom during the week and visits to Amsterdam always felt like short vacations. In the beginning we kept the expectations very low, wanted to do this only as long as it is fun. Spending longer time together like 3 week vacations took getting used to, we fought a lot during the first few vactions. When he moved back to the US we decided that I would come along, we would live together and I try to get a workvisa or greencard. We've been living together for 9 years now in the US, I'm still on a work-visa, no green-card in sight, he's been co-insured on my health benefits for the past 6 years, our families love us, so I'd say things have worked out great..
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    Jan 09, 2009 10:13 PM GMT
    LDR's can work, however two of my three best relationships hit the rocks after career changes made us go the *bi-coastal relationship* route. Oh, things were good for awhile - each of us flying back and forth - making the magic happen on weekends and holidays. After a time though, the distance got in the way, unfortunately. I think for a LDR to work, one guy should give up his career and make the other guy his priority - moving closer - - - the only question is, which guy?