open relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    idk if someone has posted this already but if they have, this champion is posting it again lol.

    have u ever been in an open relationship? how did it go for u?
    or if u havent, could u be in an open relationship?

    me personally, my very first relationship was an open relationship. but i didnt get much out of it. i was 15 and i was more so doing it to please him. he messed around with other guys cuz he couldnt stand the thought of being with just one person, but i never messed around with other guys while he and i were together, except the one time we had a 3 way lol

    but what are ur thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:34 AM GMT
    I would never want to share the one I love, so no.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:38 AM GMT
    ... work best behind closed doors.
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    Nov 12, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    Haven't been in one, but I'm open to it (ha).
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    Nov 12, 2013 8:00 AM GMT
    I'm too selfish to share sex with someone I really care about. I let a relationship degrade to being open. Worst experience of my life. Never doing that again.
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

    Posts: 393

    Nov 12, 2013 8:06 AM GMT
    It would be like - fucking your roommate. You guys, ya know, play, and then the next day he goes and gets baked with his friends who aren't your friends and bangs someone else. You could also compare it to those Life Time chicks who find out their spouse lives another life. Except in this case, you know and ...- you're .. ok, with it. That could be empowering for some and your more emotionally subdued types could get into it. How awesome to be fucking your hot roommate - forever...icon_sad.gificon_surprised.gif

    Hmmmm, beneficial friends and roommate humping should come and go early in life, my opinion, but the older I get also the more tradition seems like a fetter or a ghost of your mother who's always with you saying, "Now, now, Guilty, you CAN'T_" CAN'T? Wasn't that word supposed to be burned out of the adult mind. Is it not our life to live and do and be whatever pursues our happiness?

    Thinking of it now that the sun of my thirties is rising, I can't condemn open relationships and I can't say I'd never be in one.

    SHARING a loved one - you could look at it that way, but we share them anyways. Our boyfriends desire other people, and has friends who aren't our friends, and thinks thoughts he doesn't tell us, and maybe some of the best things about him we don't know. He's a vast universe and we can lay claim to only a fraction, the part he's sharing with us.

    Time to except that he's not giving the whole pie, not that he can. I think it would take some sorta psychic X-Man shit for that to happen.

    Awwww, what's a guy with a wanting dessert cart to do? Oh honey, it's a big Public Market - you can get goodies to fill your universe with and secrets to enjoy yourself. I can't fault open enders (open rear enders icon_surprised.gif) from doing that. icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 8:38 AM GMT
    everyone instinctivily realizes open relationships are a sad state of affairs, but some people aren't satisfied by one person and need an open relationship or resort to cheating (which is also a sad state).

    myself, I would never want an open relationship or cheat
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Nov 12, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    Oh hell to the no. If anyone so much as flirts with my boyfriend or me, they have another thing coming... Ok, not really... (But kind of...)

    My boyfriend and I actually talked about this before we even started dating. He asked me if I would ever be ok with it, and I answered honestly, that it's not something I'm into but that if the person I love wanted it I'd at least consider it. Well lucky for me, that question was only a test, and he felt exactly the same way. I was a little nervous that it was more of a loaded question, but thankfully we were and are still on the same page.

    I think if we were ever to have a threesome or anything, it would have to be in another country or something with a person we'd have little chance of ever seeing again and would not keep in touch with. The biggest downfall of anything open is usually the emotional bond that forms with the third person and trust issues that follow from there, so that's the only way I can think of to effectively eliminate it.
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    Nov 12, 2013 1:50 PM GMT
    open relationships are for people who cannot face the truth about their own relationship not meant to be
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 12, 2013 2:19 PM GMT
    Never have been in or considered one. I think they can be trouble if both guys don't approach it the right way. But.. I'm not going to throw stones. I say, if it works and the guys want to pursue it, it is their business to do so. I just think it be filled with issues. I've seen friends who had open relationships blow up because of problems.

    But, I know of two couples that have open .. and it works.
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    Nov 12, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Incredible stuff as always


    Missed you GG
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 2:35 PM GMT
    Some guy's can compartmentalize, look at it as just sex, some can't; they get all emotionally attached.
    Some guy's want to kill themselves if there man even jacks off with out them.
    -feel there is a self-esteem issue involved here, but not sure who has it?
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    Nov 12, 2013 4:06 PM GMT
    I think the attitude about open relationships is dynamic and tends to be more acceptable, if only in theory, as you age. Not that all older guys would embrace or be a part of it, but I think the idea, reasons and decision tends to be more accepted by those who are or have been in serious long term relationships. This has been discussed at length in many many other posting and it always seems like the younger the person posting, the more adamant they are about not accepting it.

    It's something that requires serious consideration and definitely very open communications between the parties involved. It's easy to say you'd never do it but if you were suddenly in a relationship with limited or no enjoyable sex, then you might reconsider versus ending the relationship. If you're in a relationship where you have great sex with your partner and your love is strong, communications exists and everything is great, then you have what, I believe, we all strive for, a single partner that fulfills our emotional and physical needs. That doesn't always happen, I don't believe, so if opening up the relationship for sex works….I say it's a personal issue between the two guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    Never had one, but never have been asked to try it either; so who am I to judge. I play with Open Relationship men, not with secretly committed ones; if I can help it.
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    Nov 12, 2013 4:43 PM GMT
    I've had 3 lover (live in/co owned property). They were all monogamous, except the first who cheated on me. None lasted very long.....3 years each +-. I've seen open relationships that have lasted decades.

    I personally don't want an open relationship but they can and often DO work!

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 12, 2013 5:04 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI think the attitude about open relationships is dynamic and tends to be more acceptable, if only in theory, as you age. Not that all older guys would embrace or be a part of it, but I think the idea, reasons and decision tends to be more accepted by those who are or have been in serious long term relationships. This has been discussed at length in many many other posting and it always seems like the younger the person posting, the more adamant they are about not accepting it.

    It's something that requires serious consideration and definitely very open communications between the parties involved. It's easy to say you'd never do it but if you were suddenly in a relationship with limited or no enjoyable sex, then you might reconsider versus ending the relationship. If you're in a relationship where you have great sex with your partner and your love is strong, communications exists and everything is great, then you have what, I believe, we all strive for, a single partner that fulfills our emotional and physical needs. That doesn't always happen, I don't believe, so if opening up the relationship for sex works….I say it's a personal issue between the two guys.


    This is really perceptive. My partner and I move back and forth between a degree of open and monogamous just depending on mood (and probably periods of randiness vs insecurity). I feel like "It's just sex" sometimes and want my partner to have some crazy experiences (like I did) but then sometimes I want him to want only me. We're monogamous right now but we still call ourselves "open" because we are "open" to the possibility. We find that so long as we are totally honest with each other and communicate, and also sensitive and non-judgmental to the needs of the other that the moniker of "open" keeps stress down and also keeps sex playful. We only "make love" to each other. But there are some things he likes that I don't especially and vice-versa. So the only iron-clad rule is that we only love each other and we never stop communicating. Everything else we'll figure out as we go along.
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    Nov 12, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    i have no problem with open relationships.
  • DJW525

    Posts: 65

    Nov 12, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    Uh...some judgmental bitches in some of these posts. Every "Open relationship" is defined by the couple. As long as they are both ok with it, who has the right to judge??

    As for degrading a relationship, that's not always the case. After 7 years, we opened to playing together. It actually increased communication and sex without a third is more intense.

    I can't judge how anyone runs their relationship, nor should anyone else.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:09 PM GMT
    Could I be in an open relationship? I can honestly say no. To me, being in a relationship is something special, giving myself to my partner, something I can only share with one. It is not something that I could do to hurt somebody else or that I would be comfortable doing.
    I am an all or nothing guy. Too bad it took some pain for me to realize this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:15 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    eb925guy saidI think the attitude about open relationships is dynamic and tends to be more acceptable, if only in theory, as you age. Not that all older guys would embrace or be a part of it, but I think the idea, reasons and decision tends to be more accepted by those who are or have been in serious long term relationships. This has been discussed at length in many many other posting and it always seems like the younger the person posting, the more adamant they are about not accepting it.

    It's something that requires serious consideration and definitely very open communications between the parties involved. It's easy to say you'd never do it but if you were suddenly in a relationship with limited or no enjoyable sex, then you might reconsider versus ending the relationship. If you're in a relationship where you have great sex with your partner and your love is strong, communications exists and everything is great, then you have what, I believe, we all strive for, a single partner that fulfills our emotional and physical needs. That doesn't always happen, I don't believe, so if opening up the relationship for sex works….I say it's a personal issue between the two guys.


    This is really perceptive. My partner and I move back and forth between a degree of open and monogamous just depending on mood (and probably periods of randiness vs insecurity). I feel like "It's just sex" sometimes and want my partner to have some crazy experiences (like I did) but then sometimes I want him to want only me. We're monogamous right now but we still call ourselves "open" because we are "open" to the possibility. We find that so long as we are totally honest with each other and communicate, and also sensitive and non-judgmental to the needs of the other that the moniker of "open" keeps stress down and also keeps sex playful. We only "make love" to each other. But there are some things he likes that I don't especially and vice-versa. So the only iron-clad rule is that we only love each other and we never stop communicating. Everything else we'll figure out as we go along.


    I find it really interesting that as I've gotten older and have been in a stable relationship for nearly 14 years, I've come to discover a number of acquaintances in long term relationships are open. I used to find it strange but have came to think that in some circumstances it makes sense. If a long term relationship is strong but there is a disconnect where it comes to sex, does it make more sense to end the whole relationship versus opening it up?
  • Regina_Guy

    Posts: 406

    Nov 12, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    15 and already having threesomes and open relationships? Wow! I was still skateboarding, sneaking booze, and enjoying movie nights with my buds. How times have changed!
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    You people do realise that it's pretty judgemental what you write here, right? Why is it, that you think, by knowing the couple, you'd know anything about their relationship dynamics?

    My husband and I are together for 14 years now, married too. After a few years, we found that the concept of jealousy was just absurd to us. We love each other with all our heart and know that the other will always be there.
    It's not that we could share easily, being the spoilt youngest children in our families. It just doesn't feel like sharing. It's more like one going on a hike with friends, when the other doesn't feel like it.

    Just why is it, that people who are forced their whole lives to reinvent relationships and love, because they themselves are nothing like the norm, i.e. straight, are filled with so much hate and disgust when there are relationships, that work differently from what they want?
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:40 PM GMT
    somersault saideveryone instinctivily realizes open relationships are a sad state of affairs, but some people aren't satisfied by one person and need an open relationship or resort to cheating (which is also a sad state).

    myself, I would never want an open relationship or cheat

    yeah, what he said. ^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2013 6:52 PM GMT
    I seen plenty of open vs monogamy threads. From my standpoint I believe many would view monogamy as the "ideal" and open as "practical"

    To me I believe that all couples should strive for w.e makes them happy etc etc.


    In an ideal world both relationships would be treated as equal, but I think a successful monogamous relationship would probably be idolized only because it's extremely rare

    but i think all successful relationships should be celebrated.
  • ueatzit

    Posts: 174

    Nov 12, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    I agree with the posters pointing out the judgmental tone in many responses above. I think it's totally cool to not want one or can't see being in one. That was a mindset that I too shared over a decade ago. I thought open relationships were weird, empty, or a the men involved were living a lie.

    That's different now. I don't care what relationship you aim to have, who am I to apply a value? I don't get some of my acquaintances relationships, but if it is working for them they let it be. The first five years of my relationship with the love of my life were monogamous. I still feel he is THE love of my life and cannot be replaced but I am actually now closer to him after having an open arrangement than before. We've had to hear and confront one another's deepest insecurities about sharing our lives together. We have rules, and we're honest about them. I personally would find it disconcerting to assume that we would be together over a decade and not been confronted by the spectre of cheating or having him lose interest in me. It may seem counter-intuitive, but being open has made us closer! What we did was let our relationship evolve. We are together to be together after all, and we are invested in one another.

    So I'll just say it, when you've been together with the love of your life for 5, 10, 20 years or more and you two haven't cheated and share all your thoughts honestly, you can MAYBE sit in judgement (or at least explain the dynamic to me). An open relationship isn't "sad". It certainly isn't as sad as being limited by the concept of what one would consider a successful relationship.