Would you like to have kids ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 2:13 AM GMT

    I'm a nurturing type of guy ,so at times I often find myself picturing my future life with kids , dog, great husband, big house and a stable super well paying job.

    But when I tell my Gaybies (Gay friends )about it they just laugh at me and call me Martha Stewart. Whereas my bf just goes along with it,even though personally I cant see him as the fathering type (too much drinking ,bars,football trips and possibly the 17years age difference between us etc ).


    So my Questions are:

    Would you like to have kids?
    For those who do ,whats it like ?and how do the socially constructed gender roles affect the parenting styles ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 5:11 AM GMT
    I still have mixed feeling about having kids. On one hand, when I see a father and son interacting lovingly, I get this warm, fuzzy feeling mixed with jealousy and desire to have that too.

    On the other hand, I feel I still haven't even figured out myself yet (still closeted). Why complicate it even more and potentially ruin a kid's life.

    For now, no. Maybe some day...
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Nov 17, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    Do I like to have kids?
    No.

    Would I like to have kids?
    No.


    I have nieces and nephews. They're awesome and all, but no.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    Get a dog
    better yet get two dogs: a big Siberian for your man, chew-toy one for you.
    then get back to us in a year.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 6:39 AM GMT
    Yes!
  • NHLFAN

    Posts: 370

    Nov 17, 2013 6:53 AM GMT
    I always wanted kids, but realize it's not going to happen. I like kids, but having nieces and nephews gave me an opportunity to experience it without having them. Best of both worlds..I got to spoil them and give them back at the end of the day, weekend or vacation. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 17, 2013 6:55 AM GMT
    I have three teenagers. They are way more aggravating at times than I ever dreamed of when I pictured my future self as a Dad. I've decided that kids are genetically programmed to slowly kill their parents from constant low grade stress. If they were Mini-Me's my life would be so-o-o-o much easier. Alas, they think I'm the epitome of un-cool and would be horrified that anyone might think we're similar so they try to avoid being like me. Sigh.

    I love them to death but they sure know how to yank my chain and love doing it. All said, though, I am glad I had them.
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    Nov 17, 2013 7:30 AM GMT
    I would like to adopt yes, probably a little 3 yr old orphan boy from somewhere. I want to do this with a partner! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Nov 17, 2013 7:36 AM GMT
    Import saidDo I like to have kids?
    No.

    Would I like to have kids?
    No.


    I have nieces and nephews. They're awesome and all, but no.


    Marry me.
    Now.
  • ursa_minor

    Posts: 566

    Nov 17, 2013 8:54 AM GMT
    Yes. I want kids. I want more of my species out there. One with mine or my hubby's genes.

    I can dream, right?
  • Philip101

    Posts: 101

    Nov 17, 2013 9:04 AM GMT
    I would love to have 2 kids. I think I would make a good father and would do so with a loving, caring and responsible husband.

    But what nags me is the question "Is it responsible?". The world population is growing at an alarming rate and the LAST thing we need on this planet are more humans (despite how nice it is to have biological children). This website here got me thinking. http://www.vhemt.org/. I don't believe that humans should go extinct as this website claims, only that we should responsibly control our population so as not to overtax our planet.

    Which then leads me to consider adoption. This is probably the better course of action in comparison to surrogacy, but when I last investigated this in countries such as Brazil which allow a gay man or gay couple to adopt, they will only allow you to receive children who are minimum 3 years of age. This was a concern to me, since I am worried "How would it feel like for the 3 year old child to be taken away from his country by two foreign men?". Freaking scary I would expect, particularly given that a 3 year old child will probably already have formed normative notions about a father and a mother forming a family unit. In addition, there is a part of me that strongly wants to have a biological connection to the child. I wish I did not have this feeling, but millions of years of evolution have planted this within most of us and it is hard to ignore (as much as I would like that it not be important to me).

    Which then gets me to consider: Shall I simply have my pets (dogs and cats) which are in many ways like my children already?

    So I am still wrestling with these issues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    No, I do not want kids because your entire life changes once you have children. Your kids become a priority. I enjoy the fact that I can take a vacation, go see a movie, hang out with friends, etc without having to worry about kids and their needs.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 1:31 PM GMT
    Philip101 said
    Which then leads me to consider adoption. This is probably the better course of action in comparison to surrogacy, but when I last investigated this in countries such as Brazil which allow a gay man or gay couple to adopt, they will only allow you to receive children who are minimum 3 years of age. This was a concern to me, since I am worried "A.How would it feel like for the 3 year old child to be taken away from his country by two foreign men? Freaking scary I would expect, particularly given that a 3 year old child will probably already have formed normative notions about a father and a mother forming a family unit. In addition, B. there is a part of me that strongly wants to have a biological connection to the child. I wish I did not have this feeling, but millions of years of evolution have planted this within most of us and it is hard to ignore (as much as I would like that it not be important to me).

    Which then gets me to consider: Shall I simply have my pets (dogs and cats) which are in many ways like my children already?

    So I am still wrestling with these issues.


    A. You can teach the child that there's nothing to fear about having same sex parents, through your love and actions.
    I know a member here in RJ who adopted a 10 year old boy; and the last time I heard of him...they both love each other.
    B. If you want to get rid of this feeling...
    1. Get rid of your ego (the feeling of 'I' or 'mine' that prevents us from seeing the bigger picture: 'Us', 'we' and 'ours')
    2. See how an orphan lives...try to imagine yourself as an orphan (it's quite painful)
    3. Realize that our 'ego', our 'personal desires' will not let us do humane activities.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 1:35 PM GMT
    I accidentally ended up raising my brothers kids for a few months and let me tell you, kids are fun and terrible. I will always be their favorite uncle, but I will never spend more than a weekend with them again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    My nieces and nephews are the best but no I don't want kids of my own at this point in my life
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    Nov 17, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidNo, I do not want kids because your entire life changes once you have children. Your kids become a priority. I enjoy the fact that I can take a vacation, go see a movie, hang out with friends, etc without having to worry about kids and their needs.



    no, kids become your ONLY priority. Kudos to those who know they don't have the stuff to change your life, because that's what you have to do. Those of you considering it, understand they're not like a teacup poodle. They are not the latest gay fashion accessory.

    My last one goes to college next fall, and I'm looking forward to some "me" time, for the first time in 20+ years. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, and I will and do miss them terribly when they're not here, but I did my part (well, I might add)and it's time for a little R&R on the kid front.
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    Nov 17, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    so many diverse opinions :-) :-)

    I love dogs and i have had them in the past and they tend to have a short lifespans and It doesn't match up to a child's love

    Like :
    -the first steps
    -first words
    -first day of kindergarten
    -first day of primary
    -first day of high school
    -first injuries
    -the sleepless nights and the diaper changes
    -the sicks day which make you freak out
    -the crazy teenage years
    -the arguments
    -the calls from the school

    And Simply knowing that you shaped or created life and having someone to leave something behind for ,even if its just a pen or a 10 billion dollar house for your kids


    Like you cant get all that from a dog and dogs don't talk unless your like Cesar Millan the dog whisperer then yeah
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    Nov 17, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Sometimes I feel like I would like to have one, yet this feeling hits me, kids are not for me or I am not ready to have one. Part of what makes it worst, you see all your former high school friends around you having children and you are starting to become the odd one out. The other day, this guy I had a crush on, had his first and was posting pictures of his child all over FB, so you get a jealous feeling.

    I do well with kids in a boring way I guess. If you want them to fall asleep, just give them to me. My colleague at work brought hers to work and I had to baby sit throughout the day and the minute he came into my arms he just fell asleep.

    Women at work who saw me said they need to bring their babies to me because I seem to have some effect. Some started with 'you need to get one' comments. (If they only knew)

    I would like to have yes, maybe out of curiosity, just see what my off spring would look like and to in someway continue my lineage. Then again, this requires inserting a hard penis into a vagina and thrusting to the point where you have an orgasm. Last time I checked, I am not into that kind of thing and I don't know any women who would be interested in doing a Ricky Martin style kinda thing either.

    Yes, the child needs to be biological in my case, nothing wrong with adopting.

    Then again, do I even want children - not really. I like that freedom that comes with being single and/or gay. Children are a responsibility, you can't just put them in a closet when you don't want to raise them anymore and you don't want to end up raising a psycho, twisted, dysfunctional child either or be an absent father. The minute you have one, a lot of your priorities take a back seat. Its all about them, even when they become grown adults.

    What I want is a guy I can spend the rest of my life with so we can take care of each other. Let me work on that.
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    Nov 17, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    PaulDee saidSometimes I feel like I would like to have one, yet this feeling hits me, kids are not for me or I am not ready to have one. Part of what makes it worst, you see all your former high school friends around you having children and you are starting to become the odd one out. The other day, this guy I had a crush on, had his first and was posting pictures of his child all over FB, so you get a jealous feeling.

    I do well with kids in a boring way I guess. If you want them to fall asleep, just give them to me. My colleague at work brought hers to work and I had to baby sit throughout the day and the minute he came into my arms he just fell asleep.

    Women at work who saw me said they need to bring their babies to me because I seem to have some effect. Some started with 'you need to get one' comments. (If they only knew)

    I would like to have yes, maybe out of curiosity, just see what my off spring would look like and to in someway continue my lineage. Then again, this requires inserting a hard penis into a vagina and thrusting to the point where you have an orgasm. Last time I checked, I am not into that kind of thing and I don't know any women who would be interested in doing a Ricky Martin style kinda thing either.

    Yes, the child needs to be biological in my case, nothing wrong with adopting.

    Then again, do I even want children - not really. I like that freedom that comes with being single and/or gay. Children are a responsibility, you can't just put them in a closet when you don't want to raise them anymore and you don't want to end up raising a psycho, twisted, dysfunctional child either or be an absent father. The minute you have one, a lot of your priorities take a back seat. Its all about them, even when they become grown adults.

    What I want is a guy I can spend the rest of my life with so we can take care of each other. Let me work on that.


    Exactly!
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    Nov 17, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    Once a child comes into your life, it's no longer about you, it's all about the child.

    It's a big commitment and many people are not able or willing to handle that amount of responsibility. It's actually admirable to see people on here admit that it's not for them.


    I do see myself being a father in the future. For whatever reason I tend to have paternal instincts with child rearing lol
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    Nov 17, 2013 4:00 PM GMT
    Human kids?
    Rainbow_for_Web.jpg
    Ain't nobody got time for that.

    PS: adopt the homeless.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Nov 17, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    No with a capital N!
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    Nov 17, 2013 4:29 PM GMT
    sometimes i get the same thought of having in my head but i am to young'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    Maybe in the distant future, maybe..
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    Nov 17, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    Nope!!! Kids are nice to babysit for an aunt, uncle or brother but also nicer when you can give them back to their parents after a day or two.

    Too much responsibility and a lot of patience in which I don't have. NO THANKS!!!