The 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People: Which do YOU identify with?

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    Nov 17, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/14-habits-highly-miserable-people?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark

    Seen 'em all at times, either in myself or in others. Have worked hard to get past them.

    HBU?


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    Nov 17, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    That was a weird article. The first paragraph sums up the rest of the article/list. Not really worth the click.

    Most of us claim we want to be happy—to have meaningful lives, enjoy ourselves, experience fulfillment, and share love and friendship with other people and maybe other species, like dogs, cats, birds, and whatnot. Strangely enough, however, some people act as if they just want to be miserable, and they succeed remarkably at inviting misery into their lives, even though they get little apparent benefit from it, since being miserable doesn’t help them find lovers and friends, get better jobs, make more money, or go on more interesting vacations. Why do they do this? After perusing the output of some of the finest brains in the therapy profession, I’ve come to the conclusion that misery is an art form, and the satisfaction people seem to find in it reflects the creative effort required to cultivate it. In other words, when your living conditions are stable, peaceful, and prosperous—no civil wars raging in your streets, no mass hunger, no epidemic disease, no vexation from poverty—making yourself miserable is a craft all its own, requiring imagination, vision, and ingenuity. It can even give life a distinctive meaning.
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    Nov 17, 2013 10:27 PM GMT
    @X - Thanks for saving me from the misery of having to click AND read the article!
  • Oceans_of_Flo...

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    Nov 17, 2013 10:39 PM GMT
    Click and cheer up.

    .........................
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    Nov 17, 2013 10:43 PM GMT
    I guess I'd say I identify with being critical....mainly of myself, but I can find flaws in just about anything else too.
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    Nov 17, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/14-habits-highly-miserable-people

    Gee. I don't do any of that.
    Score 1 for me.
    I found *this* interesting article at the bottom but who knows how true any of these are.

    http://dailyhealthpost.com/5-exercises-you-dont-do-but-should/?utm_source=taboola
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    Nov 17, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    As Nietzsche put it in the 19th century:

    "He who despises himself, nevertheless esteems himself thereby, as a despiser"
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    Nov 17, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    xrichx saidThat was a weird article. The first paragraph sums up the rest of the article/list. Not really worth the click.

    Most of us claim we want to be happy—to have meaningful lives, enjoy ourselves, experience fulfillment, and share love and friendship with other people and maybe other species, like dogs, cats, birds, and whatnot. Strangely enough, however, some people act as if they just want to be miserable, and they succeed remarkably at inviting misery into their lives, even though they get little apparent benefit from it, since being miserable doesn’t help them find lovers and friends, get better jobs, make more money, or go on more interesting vacations. Why do they do this? After perusing the output of some of the finest brains in the therapy profession, I’ve come to the conclusion that misery is an art form, and the satisfaction people seem to find in it reflects the creative effort required to cultivate it. In other words, when your living conditions are stable, peaceful, and prosperous—no civil wars raging in your streets, no mass hunger, no epidemic disease, no vexation from poverty—making yourself miserable is a craft all its own, requiring imagination, vision, and ingenuity. It can even give life a distinctive meaning.
    Also, this seems to perfectly describe internet trolls and the ones who encourage them. icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 18, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    I'll really save everybody the click by paraphrasing the 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People so ya'll can read up on any that you think may apply. The point of the article is to purport that most miserable people, clinically depressed and otherwise, actively and creatively deflect and distract themselves by working to make themselves miserable (with the implication that they're motivated by rewarding themselves with their cleverness), and provides tips to avoid each habit:

    1. indulging fears of poverty
    2. being bored with everything
    3. cultivating a negative self-image to the point of becoming that person
    4. manipulating people and situations by picking fights
    5. assuming the worst of people by attributing bad intentions to anything they do or say
    6. volunteering and helping others only for personal gain
    7. avoiding being thankful for anything
    8. always being actively pessimistic
    9. assigning blame for today to others in your past like parents and teachers
    10. not enjoying the moment by reminding oneself it's fleeting
    11. dwelling on and overanalyzing oneself to avoid considering others
    12. glorifying and/or vilifying the past as an excuse for today's misery
    13. making bad romantic choices by pursuing only partners you think you can fix
    14. being critical of an endless series of perceived annoyances

    Of course you don't have to be miserable to engage in any of these habits but presumably that depends on the degree, frequency and number.
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    Nov 18, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    dwelling overanalyzing and being critical...im a perfectionist but it causes me paralysis by analysis
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    Nov 18, 2013 12:53 AM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidas a miserable person, i can tell you that anybody who is miserable doesn't want to be that way.

    not everyone who is miserable has the opportunity to get past that shit. some of us are in some fucked up situations and i would rather say that i'm depressed, say why i'm depressed and vent out my feelings than whoop someone's ass because i'm in a bad mood, rob them, or do some antisocial shit. if you're happy, fine. just keep your happiness to yourself and don't question other people's issues.


    Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step to recovery. I sincerely hope you find happiness one day.
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    Nov 18, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    Being someone who is normally very UP and happy, I can tell you, that it's a swift kick to the pants if you give into any fear that comes your way.
    I recently went through some work stress that really did a number on me mentally.
    I sought help, and look at it from a whole different angle now. Some of us are not equipped to be miserable and unhappy.
    Figuring out how to turn that around and returning to your regular broadcasting system is highly recommended!

    Cheers...icon_cool.gif
  • madsexy

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    Nov 18, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    I do none of that. I can't take credit for figuring it out; my "surrogate dads" when I was first here in the USA for university and their kids (my friends) were so positive and well-adjusted happy people, they led me to it by example.
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    Nov 18, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidBeing someone who is normally very UP and happy, I can tell you, that it's a swift kick to the pants if you give into any fear that comes your way.
    I recently went through some work stress that really did a number on me mentally.
    I sought help, and look at it from a whole different angle now. Some of us are not equipped to be miserable and unhappy.
    Figuring out how to turn that around and returning to your regular broadcasting system is highly recommended!

    Cheers...icon_cool.gif


    I am glad things have turned around for you.

    Hugs.
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    Nov 18, 2013 1:10 AM GMT
    madsexy saidI do none of that. I can't take credit for figuring it out; my "surrogate dads" when I was first here in the USA for university and their kids (my friends) were so positive and well-adjusted happy people, they led me to it by example.

    There's a lot of truth to people who were raised in a positive environment. I work with a chef who's highly critical of her kitchen staff. Corrects them at every turn. Her father was also very critical all his life.
    I think some behaviours are learned while others can be unlearned or modified if you let them.
  • madsexy

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    Nov 18, 2013 1:13 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    madsexy saidI do none of that. I can't take credit for figuring it out; my "surrogate dads" when I was first here in the USA for university and their kids (my friends) were so positive and well-adjusted happy people, they led me to it by example.

    There's a lot of truth to people who were raised in a positive environment. I work with a chef who's highly critical of her kitchen staff. Corrects them at every turn. Her father was also very critical all his life.
    I think some behaviours are learned while others can be unlearned or modified if you let them.

    I think you're absolutely right. The men I mentioned are both retired career air force officers (pretty high up), and their sons and daughter all have incredibly high standards, integrity and heart. So somehow they raised them "strictly" but also with constant, unconditional love. I felt that from the first moment one of them mentioned their dads and always thereafter.
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    Nov 18, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    Don't confuse depression with misery because one person can experience depression while having no reason for misery, while another person might enthusiastically embrace their misery.

    "We all seek happiness, but turn our backs on it. We all wish to avoid misery, but race to collect its causes." ~~Shantideva's Bodhisattvacharyavatara
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    Nov 18, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    madsexy saidI do none of that. I can't take credit for figuring it out; my "surrogate dads" when I was first here in the USA for university and their kids (my friends) were so positive and well-adjusted happy people, they led me to it by example.

    There's a lot of truth to people who were raised in a positive environment. I work with a chef who's highly critical of her kitchen staff. Corrects them at every turn. Her father was also very critical all his life.
    I think some behaviours are learned while others can be unlearned or modified if you let them.


    Miserable people raise miserable children and so on and so on...

    The same came be said for poverty, ignorance, intolerance, etc.

    It takes A LOT of work to overcome your family history. Children raised by happy, well adjusted parents start life at an advantage.
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    Nov 18, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    My boss just gave each of us a book about filling our and others buckets. It's all about what we do and say and how it affects others. Really makes me think when I'm very positive with someone how their joy (filling their bucket) also fills my bucket (reward for being nice) and when my bucket is full, I'm on a high. When I'm the typical grouchy old man, my bucket is nearing empty and I've nothing to give therefore I get nothing in return. An amazing concept, sort like the old 'when you smile, the whole world smiles back at you'! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Nov 18, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidMy boss just gave each of us a book about filling our and others buckets. It's all about what we do and say and how it affects others. Really makes me think when I'm very positive with someone how their joy (filling their bucket) also fills my bucket (reward for being nice) and when my bucket is full, I'm on a high. When I'm the typical grouchy old man, my bucket is nearing empty and I've nothing to give therefore I get nothing in return. An amazing concept, sort like the old 'when you smile, the whole world smiles back at you'! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Buckets---joy buckets????

    Oh hell.
    lol
    it's called Xanax where I work.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Nov 18, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidMy boss just gave each of us a book about filling our and others buckets. It's all about what we do and say and how it affects others. Really makes me think when I'm very positive with someone how their joy (filling their bucket) also fills my bucket (reward for being nice) and when my bucket is full, I'm on a high. When I'm the typical grouchy old man, my bucket is nearing empty and I've nothing to give therefore I get nothing in return. An amazing concept, sort like the old 'when you smile, the whole world smiles back at you'! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I'd love for you to fill my "bucket" with "joy" ANY time! icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 19, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    i was thinking 'well maybe #6..." but no, not really. i used to be some of these things. not anymore baby!!
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    Nov 19, 2013 8:50 PM GMT
    madsexy said
    eb925guy saidMy boss just gave each of us a book about filling our and others buckets. It's all about what we do and say and how it affects others. Really makes me think when I'm very positive with someone how their joy (filling their bucket) also fills my bucket (reward for being nice) and when my bucket is full, I'm on a high. When I'm the typical grouchy old man, my bucket is nearing empty and I've nothing to give therefore I get nothing in return. An amazing concept, sort like the old 'when you smile, the whole world smiles back at you'! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I'd love for you to fill my "bucket" with "joy" ANY time! icon_twisted.gif

    Meet you at the well….I'll fill your bucket icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 19, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    I don't identify with any of these "habits". I like being happy, at all times. Being miserable is not on my personal agenda.

    That doesn't mean I won't criticize things, nor want to improve my own circumstances. But my husband would tell you that at the end of each day I recount all the things I think went well, to essentially "count our blessings".

    And almost every day there are more blessings than mishaps, so that we go to bed content and not miserable. I find no enjoyment or entertainment in amassing misery.
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    Nov 21, 2013 9:21 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidI'll really save everybody the click by paraphrasing the 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People so ya'll can read up on any that you think may apply. The point of the article is to purport that most miserable people, clinically depressed and otherwise, actively and creatively deflect and distract themselves by working to make themselves miserable (with the implication that they're motivated by rewarding themselves with their cleverness), and provides tips to avoid each habit:

    1. indulging fears of poverty
    2. being bored with everything
    3. cultivating a negative self-image to the point of becoming that person
    4. manipulating people and situations by picking fights
    5. assuming the worst of people by attributing bad intentions to anything they do or say
    6. volunteering and helping others only for personal gain
    7. avoiding being thankful for anything
    8. always being actively pessimistic
    9. assigning blame for today to others in your past like parents and teachers
    10. not enjoying the moment by reminding oneself it's fleeting
    11. dwelling on and overanalyzing oneself to avoid considering others
    12. glorifying and/or vilifying the past as an excuse for today's misery
    13. making bad romantic choices by pursuing only partners you think you can fix
    14. being critical of an endless series of perceived annoyances

    Of course you don't have to be miserable to engage in any of these habits but presumably that depends on the degree, frequency and number.


    Well oops, I saw myself in a few of these...
    Thanks for this. I'm definitely gonna work on not perpetuating these habits.