How to out a guy without even trying

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 10:19 PM GMT
    I am curious if any of you have a method of definitively determining if a guy is gay without letting your own sexuality be completely exposed or outright asking and possibly insulting him. This is not intended to be a discussion of closeted vs out or anything of the sort.
    For example, I recently hired a guy to helpme build an outbuilding on my property and something about him makes me wonder if he is into guys, though I cannot place my finger on it. It doesn't help that his name is Cory and I've yet to hear of any straight dude named Cory. Anyway in a small, conservative religious town like this one, just being direct about it is likely to get your house burned down.
    I'm not actually interested in the guy, but I was thinking about this earlier and I thought it would be fun to see what y'all have to say on the matter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 10:28 PM GMT
    You've heard of the tired old phrase 'nothing ventured, nothing gained,' right? Well, sadly its true. It's almost impossible to determine if another guy is gay without at least putting yourself out there at least a bit, short of talking to the guy and developing a bit of a relationship over time.

    And please don't judge the guy gay based on his name, for goodness sakes, unless we're now assuming parents know the orientations of their children the moment they pop out of the womb, or names have the power to influence the sexuality of their bearer. icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 04, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    First of all, I'm not actually interested in the guy, this is entirely hypothetical. Also I realize that if I really wanted to find out, I would have to take a risk of some sort, but the question is more of what is the minimum amount of risk I can put out in the effort to learn more? Again, where I live, "coming out" is pretty much a guarantee of doom. And I've never been involved in the "gay scene" enough to know the secret handshake, so I was just curious what techniques were used by the members of this site.

    I was actually joking about the name thing. (Well his name really IS Cory and I really haven't ever met any straight Corys.) I think it would be absurd to try and determine anything useful about somebody's personality based solely on their name.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    If you're not interested in the guy, then let it pass. It's a moot point and not worth your interest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 11:25 PM GMT
    Again I was just curious about what other people would do in the situation. Call it intellectual curiosity if you wish. Similar situations have occurred to me in the past that may have prevented me from getting to know a guy better, and it's always nice to hear about other peoples' techniques.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2008 11:47 PM GMT
    haha love it....

    Um my friends use me to find out if someone is gay. When I go to a party that is a mixed crowd of gays and str8 my friends leave it up to me to find out if someone is gay. Usually it goes down with a guy that seems str8 but seems way to odd around gay people. That guy and I talk and i pretend to be str8. Once he is comfortable with talking to me i bring up how there are gays and str8s. THen i spring it on them that Im gay. At first they can't belieave it, not all the time but most of the time the guy I talked to follows me around the whole time like we are buddies.

    My only purpose was to find out they are gay for someone else. Its fucked up because these guys end up telling me they are curious and ask to hang out with me. This is when my friends get mad at me like I stole someone away from them. I don't even do anything with the guy and yet I get bitched at when the guy digs me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 12:39 AM GMT
    I don't think any method is fool proof. But one that's proven pretty reliable is to take him to any place with lots of foot traffic and very subtly notice whether his eyes tend to follow or settle on men or women he sees passing.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Dec 05, 2008 12:47 AM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle saidI don't think any method is fool proof. But one that's proven pretty reliable is to take him to any place with lots of foot traffic and very subtly notice whether his eyes tend to follow or settle on men or women he sees passing.
    Very reliable in my opinion. Of course, if he is still closeted, he may deny it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 12:50 AM GMT
    A women hairdresser that I know had a test that she said was very accurate.. If you introduce a women to a guy and the guy looks at the women's face first rather than her tits then he is gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    While the two of you are outdoors working on the building...take along a boombox with a mix CD of some of the gayest songs of the past 10 years and see if he knows more of the words than a straight boy should.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 05, 2008 1:11 AM GMT
    RunintheCity saidWhile the two of you are outdoors working on the building...take along a boombox with a mix CD of some of the gayest songs of the past 10 years and see if he knows more of the words than a straight boy should.


    I'd fail that test. The Clash. Yes. Metallica. Yes. Led Zeppelin. Yes. Abba. Who? (Seriously, it was 6 months ago and someone had to explain Abba to me.)
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 05, 2008 1:25 AM GMT
    ACowboy saidFirst of all, I'm not actually interested in the guy, this is entirely hypothetical.


    His sexuality isn't really any of your business, and since knowing isn't going to change anything anyway, why not just let it go? If he wanted you to know, he'd tell you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 1:25 AM GMT
    The only Cory I have known was the most Alpha straight male I have known. Had he read this, you would be smacked by a hockey stick.icon_lol.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 05, 2008 1:30 AM GMT
    Luckydog76 saidThe only Cory I have known was the most Alpha straight male I have known. Had he read this, you would be smacked by a hockey stick.icon_lol.gif


    Do you know how much I have to pay for that?

    /Why do I always go for the laugh?
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Dec 05, 2008 1:31 AM GMT
    A couple days ago, I saw a guy wearing one of these in the gym:

    combinedtees.jpg

    I'm pretty sure that he is gay. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 1:39 AM GMT


    Hey ACowboy, both our votes are to do nothing. If we lived where you are and tried to find out about you, and you didn't know us, you'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable, especially if you were working for us and thought we were straight.

    You're his employer and hold a lot of power. Best to keep using it wisely, which we're sure you already do.

    Now let's reverse roles:
    If we lived there and were working for you, we'd be worried about you trying to find out about us, because we wouldn't know you, you'd be our boss, and you'd have the power to get us run out of town, or worse..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 1:48 AM GMT
    ACowboy said Anyway in a small, conservative religious town like this one, just being direct about it is likely to get your house burned down.


    ACowboy saidAgain, where I live, "coming out" is pretty much a guarantee of doom.


    If this understood in your community there is no way this guy would offer this sort of information without you putting yourself out there first or the generous application of booze. The best you could hope for is to see his profile on ManHunt.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 05, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    metta8: I always wear my Real Jock shirt to the gym, hoping someone might notice it and say something to me icon_smile.gif (no one has so far icon_neutral.gif)

    How to out a guy? Kiss him and see what happens.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Dec 05, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said, "A women hairdresser that I know had a test that she said was very accurate.. If you introduce a women to a guy and the guy looks at the women's face first rather than her tits then he is gay."


    This is highly accurate. All the other ideas are based on lame stereotypes. Seriously, a name given at birth makes someone gay? "Gay music" is exclusively gay and vice versa? Come on now.


    Is Cory Feldman gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidA women hairdresser that I know had a test that she said was very accurate.. If you introduce a women to a guy and the guy looks at the women's face first rather than her tits then he is gay.


    Then why do I like to look at women's breasts? icon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 2:46 AM GMT
    My friend taught me something years ago that has worked like a charm but the window of opportunity is brief.

    Upon first eye contact, if there is a lingering extra second of eye contact then he is into guys.

    Anything longer than that accompanied by a confused facial expression means he is straight and is wondering why you are looking at him like that. At that point try and find a way to clean it up and change the interaction.

    Has worked for me.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 05, 2008 3:16 AM GMT
    ssguy69 saidMy friend taught me something years ago that has worked like a charm but the window of opportunity is brief.

    Upon first eye contact, if there is a lingering extra second of eye contact then he is into guys.

    Anything longer than that accompanied by a confused facial expression means he is straight and is wondering why you are looking at him like that. At that point try and find a way to clean it up and change the interaction.

    Has worked for me.


    Not sarcastic: Do you leave the US much? I know it's not relevant to the OP, but I would strongly suggest you not try that overseas.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 3:22 AM GMT
    It's just sexual orientation, not the plans to the hydrogen bomb.

    How folks get so self-involved over this amazes me.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 05, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    In college, I'd ask my friend Becky. She'd give them "the eye." She'd get back a once over, a "maybe, but i'm kinda into boys" or a, "Sorry girl, you lack a dick." look.

    I never saw her fail.

    Now I'm reduced to the far less amusing method of, you know, talking to them, and mentioning my sexuality. It's far less fun, but quite effective.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2008 4:26 AM GMT
    Why not mention something like it's hard to imagine we just voted in our first african american president, but we institued jim crow laws with prop 8. See what he says.