Met a great guy

  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 18, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    Met a great guy. Hit it off from the first sentence. It's been four weeks and we meet up once a week (we live at opposite ends of the city and are both waiters) to spend the night and cuddle. Like 10 hour dates. He's spotty as hell with texting though and he's told me that and that others have complained in the past. This past week we talked about what we were doing. He said he's very cautious and takes things slow but he really likes me and it might not take that long. He was depressed earlier this year and wants to take it slow.

    My thing is I keep feeling doubt. I know I have a bad self image and I'm trying to work on it. I'm much better than before and I'm trying to be patient. I've only started dating this year so I guess I'm playing catch up. He says he doesn't mind me texting him but I know I can't just keep updating him on paint drying. I just need a handler to make sure I don't blow it by being a clingy mess. Something about ppl needing space?
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    Nov 18, 2013 4:43 AM GMT
    Romance existed and thrived for centuries before cell phones, even the telephone itself, were invented. Keep your thumbs off of that thing. It sounds like there's awesome energy between you guys. "Reconnecting" over and over again is something you've already put your finger on. You're being clingy and neurotic, not that that's a terrible thing much less understandable. Limit your check-ins to one or two a day. It gives you - both of you - something to anticipate between live meetings. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 18, 2013 4:45 AM GMT
    Just take it slow sit back and enjoy the ride. Don't be doubtful!!!I understand where you are coming from about the clingy part, just keep in mind that everything is still new and exciting and that the best part is to honor his wishes by giving him a little space. After all, you're still getting to know each other. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you, it just means that taking it slow will only strengthen the bond between you guys in the long run!!!
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    Nov 18, 2013 4:50 AM GMT
    I think you don't need to doubt yourself. You have had great long dates with him and that is hard to fake if he didn't like you. I stick with the motto "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" Maintain the confidence within yourself that you are worth being cared for and being loved.

    It is my opinion that things in the gay world can be a bit fast paced,and to me it says alot that he wants to take things a bit slow. This guy likes being with you, if he didn't you would know! In terms of his behavior with texting he sounds like me, at times I am a bit spotty (I blame it on my attention span and try but failing miserably at multitasking).

    It sounds like he may have been hurt in the past and has learned to take it slow from those experiences. My advice is just take it one step at a time with him. Try to text him every once in a while (you don't want to just text to text or to feel like you are fanning the fire). If it is meant to be it is meant to be, don't try to force anything. Maybe it would be a good idea to hash it out with a friend that is a good LISTENER (you don't need someone giving you advice about what to do), that way you can get things off your chest about how you feel about him without overwhelming him. I know it can be a little unnerving but this is only a momentary feeling and things will get better when you just go with the flow and not think to far into it.

    Hope this helps icon_biggrin.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 18, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    act aloof and uninterested. It totally works. seriously.

    if u seem thirsty, he'll know it. and be like "fuck this thirsty bitch, im hot" and then he'll go go with someone else.

    U need to act like you're kind of a big deal.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 18, 2013 5:48 AM GMT
    I'm insecure about a lot of things and I know that. So does he. I've gotten a lot better and it's honestly a big boost that he finds me so attractive. He's a gym rat and I guess at times I doubt someone like him could find me attractive. Christ that's pathetic but it's true. I'm not stupid enough to say that to him but I think he picks up on it. Anyway I've deleted his info so I can't contact him. Hell have to contact me. It's not a game I just don't want to chase him
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 18, 2013 5:50 AM GMT
    Mark87 saidI'm insecure about a lot of things and I know that. So does he. I've gotten a lot better and it's honestly a big boost that he finds me so attractive. He's a gym rat and I guess at times I doubt someone like him could find me attractive. Christ that's pathetic but it's true. I'm not stupid enough to say that to him but I think he picks up on it. Anyway I've deleted his info so I can't contact him. Hell have to contact me. It's not a game I just don't want to chase him


    u should like, start dating other guys as a back up. Just in case he never contacts u again, u need to make sure u have a plan B. Like a "go-to" person who u can fall back on for various types of self-esteem issues.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 18, 2013 7:52 AM GMT
    I don't think I should be encouraging my behavior.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 20, 2013 3:10 PM GMT
    Update: So over the weekend my grandmother was in the ICU and I texted him that. He replied saying he was sorry to hear that. I sent him another and he did not reply. I texted him again on Sunday. Then Monday I told him to text of he wanted to see me. Nothing. I caved last night and asked what was up and he replied instantly that he had been doing exams. We chatted. I asked if he wanted to hang out and he said he made plans days ago and that he was sorry.

    At this point for fuck sake. I told him I know you're busy no worries. I really should have said dude you obviously don't want to see me. Bye

    I'm seeing other ppl. Done
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 23, 2013 4:28 PM GMT
    And now I've deleted his number. We haven't talked since Tuesday. Fuck him. We saw eachother for four weeks. I wasn't a one night stand. I don't need an explanation but I deserve acknowledgment and a good bye. I was believing he would text at some point and then I would lay it out there and tell him to come correct or go home. But now I think more and more he's just smoke bombed. Who the fuck does that?! Met someone else? Fine don't even need to tell me. A simple sorry
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    Nov 23, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    Strong and wise jrad saidI think you don't need to doubt yourself...

    This is true. Unfortunately, this is the way most gay romances seem to go.
    Many of us end up suffering tremendously hurt feelings without knowing why. It's almost like most of us only want men we can't get.
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    Nov 23, 2013 5:41 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter said
    Strong and wise jrad saidI think you don't need to doubt yourself...

    This is true. Unfortunately, this is the way most gay romances seem to go.
    Many of us end up suffering tremendously hurt feelings without knowing why. It's almost like most of us only want men we can't get.


    It's also the way a lot of straight romances go as well.
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    Nov 23, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    This is for Mark and JohnSpotter *winks warmly* :


    il_570xN.514037208_lzaf.jpg
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 23, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    No idea. A valiant heart?
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    Nov 23, 2013 6:26 PM GMT
    Mark87 saidNo idea. A valiant heart?


    Yep. With a valiant heart, nothing is impossible. If we all feared being hurt, and so stopped or refused to do anything that might hurt, none of us would have ever ridden a bicycle, for example. *eye twinkle*

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    Nov 23, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    Let me give you some advice...if he can't make Time for you he's not worth your time .. when you are into someone ( in my case ) u think about them a lot and yes I gotta hold back from texting all the time but they sure as hell better show me attention too
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    Nov 23, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    Text Schmext!!! What a silly-ass thing.
    Dial his number and actually carry on a conversation.
    If he or anyone else in your future wants to spend any kind of time with you, they will. If not, drop him like a hot potato and move on. Plenty more fish in the sea.
    Putting all your eggs in one basket is a recipe for hurt feelings.

    Texting, is no way to get to really get to know anyone.
    I have peeps that try and text me from time to time.
    Sooo not into it. Call me if you want to chat.
    Endless texting is for 18 yr. olds.
    There, I said it.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 24, 2013 2:02 AM GMT
    Easier to text to set up a date while working
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 24, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    Mark87 saidEasier to text to set up a date while working


    why dont u text him dirty pictures and sexual texts. . . let him know you're a tiger in the sac.
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    Nov 24, 2013 2:20 AM GMT
    The whole "act uninterested" thing is a game, and games are for immature players. I know it's over blahblah but for future reference, in my opinion, if you are into a guy, be flirtatious with him but not clingy. If he's down, he'll reciprocate. You shouldn't have to beg for a guy's attention though.
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    Nov 24, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    Avsigkommen saidThe whole "act uninterested" thing is a game, and games are for immature players. I know it's over blahblah but for future reference, in my opinion, if you are into a guy, be flirtatious with him but not clingy. If he's down, he'll reciprocate. You shouldn't have to beg for a guy's attention though.


    I think many people struggle with this part...
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 24, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    He knows I'm good in bed. Besides the point. I go back and forth as to whether it's over and he just went AWOL for a bit and will contact me again and the other option being he smoke bombed. Seeing as every interaction has been affectionate and intense so the possibility that I'm being a crazy woman is strong. If that's the case I'll have some decisions to make. Till then it's made
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    Nov 24, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    Mark87 saidHe knows I'm good in bed. Besides the point. I go back and forth as to whether it's over and he just went AWOL for a bit and will contact me again and the other option being he smoke bombed. Seeing as every interaction has been affectionate and intense so the possibility that I'm being a crazy woman is strong. If that's the case I'll have some decisions to make. Till then it's made


    Honestly, I never thought I was a clingy person. I thought those people were weird and unattractive, until I was seeing this last guy. He didn't text me all day and I thought it was the end of the world. After I got over that, my brother told how clingy and weird I had been being, and it was a wake up call. Basically, don't make a new guy the center of your world.