How to get over the "ONE"

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    Nov 20, 2013 3:29 PM GMT
    So what do you do, when someone who you love, when someone you have given your everything too goes and break your heart into a million tiny pieces. Pieces so small that you finding it impossible to put together.

    Been with Jay for almost two years now, he was my all and everything and i to him or at least i thought so. He's been sleeping with another guy, or so i suspected until recently, when someone cleared the speculation for me. The cunt he's been sleeping with made it perfectly clear for me, what's worse is that i work with this cunt.

    So i'm asking advice on what to do. I want to ring the cunt's neck and take my " man" back, what's wrong with me be course i should be thanking him for opening my eyes to a dirty cheating lying son of a mother..... i really just want to move on and find me again. The how is a bit of a problem.
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    Nov 20, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    You have to decide if it's worth your effort to make the relationship work, then it's discuss and move forward. Of course he must want the relationship too. If he was with someone else, then there has to be a reason, whether you like the reason or not. If the other person is only a convenient FB, then maybe the relationship is worth salvaging.

    If he doesn't want to try or you don't feel it's worth it, then you need to move on, grieve the loss, look forward to when the pain doesn't dictate your day and learn from the entire experience. Think about the relationship, what was good, what wasn't, what might have changed it and use that information to improve the next one when it comes. Good luck.
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    Nov 21, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    Well the 'how' is when you truly convince yourself the one person you truly love is not the right one.

    Now i'm always down for messing up a home wrekin' ho's weave..but at the end of it you would have gained yourself a cheating boyfriend..

    Did you two have a face to face since this incident?

    Take yourself a break..let go of the anger and get back out there.. icon_biggrin.gif

  • BryUSC88

    Posts: 198

    Nov 21, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    As far as getting over "the one"...there's only ONE way. And that's time. I once thought I had lucked into THE guy also. Was never happier in my life. Then one day the world was ripped out from under me. It's just one of those things that you think will NEVER get better...until it does. Took me a long time. Even though he made it clear it was over, I had a really hard time accepting it. I held out hope for a LONG time that things would return to where they were. They never did. This all happened FOURTEEN year ago, and to this day I still remember vividly how painful that was. Also, I sometimes wonder if it's why I'm still single today.

    I said to myself all of the clich├ęs...time heals all wounds...this too shall pass...that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger...blah, blah, blah. But it turns out those things were right.

    But if you're with a cheating guy...it's definitely time to move on. People have their own opinions on this subject...but I'm one of those that believe that people don't change. I heard a saying once that I try to live by. "When people show you their true colors, believe them the first time."
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    Nov 21, 2013 5:59 AM GMT
    Time will help you move forward,...meanwhile, continue to be the person you want to attract.
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    Nov 21, 2013 7:02 AM GMT
    I know i will eventually get pass this and move on its just that they dont allow me to move on. I work with the home wrecker day in and out and occasionally my ex come visit him at work try not to let this bother me but it does. It happened about 2 months ago stills feel like yesterday tho.
    Thanks all for the advice much appreciated.
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    Nov 21, 2013 7:37 PM GMT
    BryUSC88 saidBut if you're with a cheating guy...it's definitely time to move on. People have their own opinions on this subject...but I'm one of those that believe that people don't change. I heard a saying once that I try to live by. "When people show you their true colors, believe them the first time."

    Time does heal - but if you are constantly in their presence, it will be very hard. Think of getting a new job? Move to Cape Town? Nothing like a totally new enviornment to help one get over a broken heart.
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    Nov 21, 2013 8:10 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    BryUSC88 saidBut if you're with a cheating guy...it's definitely time to move on. People have their own opinions on this subject...but I'm one of those that believe that people don't change. I heard a saying once that I try to live by. "When people show you their true colors, believe them the first time."

    Time does heal - but if you are constantly in their presence, it will be very hard. Think of getting a new job? Move to Cape Town? Nothing like a totally new enviornment to help one get over a broken heart.

    And leave my job that i love nah, i have work my ass off to get where i am today packing that all up and moving is not an option. I will stick it out, for i know this will only make me stronger in more ways then one. Im kinda doing something to make me feel bit better hehe but Cape town does sound good tho for a long ass holiday might just do that.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Nov 21, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    Remember, too, that there is no ONE. There is not a single person whom you are meant to be with and who will be the only person to make you happy. There will be more "ones." So in the meantime, surround yourself with friends, and let time work its magic.
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    Nov 21, 2013 8:52 PM GMT
    This is really very simple, gron. Sit yourself down, in front of a mirror if you like, and ask yourself:

    'Why do I think of this guy (who fooled me, led me along, cheated on me, and did it with someone I work with) as The One?'

    Guess what? He isn't; he just led you to think so.

    ...and as another poster has said, there is no 'the one'. There are several potentials, at least. They become The One AFTER all is said and done. icon_wink.gif

  • Apparition

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    Nov 22, 2013 5:57 AM GMT
    go fuck someone hotter...if it doesnt work, at least it will be fun.
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    Nov 22, 2013 11:04 AM GMT
    meninlove said This is really very simple, gron. Sit yourself down, in front of a mirror if you like, and ask yourself:

    'Why do I think of this guy (who fooled me, led me along, cheated on me, and did it with someone I work with) as The One?'

    Guess what? He isn't; he just led you to think so.

    ...and as another poster has said, there is no 'the one'. There are several potentials, at least. They become The One AFTER all is said and done. icon_wink.gif



    Wise
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    Nov 22, 2013 11:49 AM GMT
    next time dnt make a guy your everything. That where the problem starts.
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    Nov 28, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    Sad to say that i was wrong about him being the one, so far hes the greatest pain i have ever known. Guess hes not the guy i thought i knew the fact that he could walk away from what we had so easily makes me wonder if he ever loved me at all so, you can go and fuck off and stop viewing my profile, plz like i cant see who views my profile on RJ. What you need to do is come and get the rest of your shit, well the shit that i have not burned yet.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Dec 01, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    Time heals all wounds
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    Dec 01, 2013 8:03 PM GMT
    Grow up.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Dec 01, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    Do nice things for yourself while the pain is strong. Those things can be as easy and simple as taking yourself out to eat, going to a movie, allowing yourself to take a break from mundane daily routines such as laundry, picking up the house, etc. One thing to be mindful of is how much time you spend sleeping or sedentary. Try and make yourself get up and out, even if for a quick walk around the block or down the road. Stop and get yourself your favorite non-alcoholic drink and a snack....

    Spend time with a friend who understands. I have even asked if I could sleep over at a friends house in their guest room for a few nights to help. Something about changing the scenery can help. Knowing that someone else was in the house who cared about me as a friend was helpful in those instances.

    Allow yourself to be pissed, sad and as they say... grieve the loss.

    If circumstances allow, consider seeing a counselor. The times I have seen a counselor have helped me see insights to my life that I wasn't aware of before... Not for everyone, but if you are open to it- think about it.

    Try and eat healthy, do some exercise and minimize how much time you spend alone at home... Hang in there, man. It WILL get better, though it doesn't seem like it now.
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    Dec 03, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidRemember, too, that there is no ONE. There is not a single person whom you are meant to be with and who will be the only person to make you happy. There will be more "ones." So in the meantime, surround yourself with friends, and let time work its magic.



    Well stated. I was just going to say something just like this. When you get a few years older, you realize how many "ones" you've had. When something ends, you think you'll die, but you don't. You move on and soon someone new captures your eye. You might always remember a few of the top "ones" you had during your life, but they are just a memory - a chapter you once read.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Dec 09, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw

    I think this sums it about up... How do you get over "the one" well, internalize the relationship. What worked and what ultimately didn't work in the relationship that lead to the breakup. Did this person compliment you... not compliment like "oh, you look nice today", no, I mean, was this person in essence the other half of you in that you got along pretty well and never had to argue over even the most mundane of things?

    Take some time for yourself, embrace the single life again and figure yourself out. No one guy (unless you were together for a life time) should have you on the outs. Understanding yourself and your limitations will better prepare you for your next relationship and realize, there isn't a "one".
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    Dec 09, 2013 10:25 AM GMT
    It comes with time, if he cheated on you, then he wasn't the one to begin with. I agreed with a couple guys here, time heals all wound and you should go out and fuck/date someone hotter/better than him. Lol, it took me a while to get over my ex *even though I broke up with him, then I started dating on and off again! And I realized that geesh, he had like 2-3 back up boys and I can do much better ! Lol boost my ego and confidence too! Now I'm all fine, dandy and great!!! I like the opposite type now, I'm not dating anyone like my ex type ever!! icon_lol.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_eek.gif
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    Dec 10, 2013 1:03 AM GMT
    Forgive but don't forget, cuz karma will definitely catch up to them; and when that time comes around, it would feel sooo good icon_twisted.gif