How to know if he wants a serious relationship.

  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Nov 21, 2013 1:12 PM GMT
    I have been seeing this guy now for just over a month. I have told him just over a week ago how i feel and that i want to be in a relationship but he wasn't so sure at the time and wanted to take things slow. Its been over a month now and we've seen each other nearly every day and i've stayed at his house for quite a few nights. My problem is i am really wanting a relationship with this guy but i keep getting the feeling he's not wanting the same as me because hes not really telling me how he feels. We get on so well when we are together but if i bring up the subject of getting serious i feel like i'm not getting much from him.I feel i need to know where i stand and if we are wanting the same thing but i don't want to keep asking him because i don't want him to think im pressuring him. Whats the best thing to do to try and get to know how he really feels without putting him on the spot? Or what are the best signs to tell if he wants to be serious without asking him straight out?

    I've tried to hint things but that doesn't seem to work. I feel i need to know where i stand before i carry on because i haven't got a clue how he feels about me. I know he likes me but i'm not sure if hes as serious about me as i am about him.
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    Nov 21, 2013 2:38 PM GMT
    Passive/aggressive much?
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    Nov 21, 2013 3:59 PM GMT
    Start using Grindr in front of him and see if he complains. If he does....time for the chat
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 21, 2013 4:45 PM GMT
    I have almost the exact same issue. How long has it been since you've talked about it? If u feel like you're always waiting for the other foot to drop it can't be great
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Nov 21, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    Mark87 saidI have almost the exact same issue. How long has it been since you've talked about it? If u feel like you're always waiting for the other foot to drop it can't be great


    We last talked about it about 10 days ago. I know it's not long after, and he needs time to think about things but I feel I don't have a clue how he feels. When we are together it feels right but if the subject comes up of being serious he doesn't really talk much about it. I just want to know where I stand with him and if he sees a future because I do.
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Nov 21, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    He's. Just sent me a text saying that we do need to talk about things but he doesn't want me getting too hyped up about things. Why do I get a bad feeling about this? Or is it just me over worrying about things like usual. When we are together things seem to be going well and we've been together a few weeks now, but he's not showing he's ready to commit to anything. Even though we spend nearly every day together, I feel like he's not really wanting to tell people about me.
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    Nov 21, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    A month is not really a long time at dating - for talkking about being committed to someone (unless this is the kind of relationship- where each of you has been infatuated with the other from the get go.) I can see how he might feel pressured, if he is not at the same place as you are. Maybe he is one of those guys who takes a lot of time before committing to a relationship? Sounds like you are about to find out something. If things continue with each other, I would cool it for a while, and give him time to figure out what he wants. You have already let him know how you are feeling.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Nov 22, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    Mine hasn't messaged me since Tuesday. It had been three days. Even then he had no idea that wasn't cool. I thought I was in the same boat as you but I think I just fell for it again. Giving him space sounds like a good idea. He needs time. The fact that he's communicating is good
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    Nov 23, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    Mark87 saidMine hasn't messaged me since Tuesday. It had been three days. Even then he had no idea that wasn't cool. I thought I was in the same boat as you but I think I just fell for it again. Giving him space sounds like a good idea. He needs time. The fact that he's communicating is good


    Haha same boat. But it has come to a point which I don't care anymore. If he wants to text me, text me, or else, I won't text him. And... now even though we don't text as much everyday, he is always the one who initiates the conversation.

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    Nov 23, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREWe get on so well when we are together but if i bring up the subject of getting serious i feel like i'm not getting much from him.


    That's your answer. If the roles were reversed and he asked you if you wanted to get serious, would say, "Hmm, well, I don't know... it's a lot to think about..."?

    If he wanted a serious relationship, it wouldn't take "time to think about"... he'd say "yes". This isn't hard. You just don't want to hear that he is, essentially, saying "no".
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    Nov 24, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    leo_ saidDear OP- what happened after that? He wanted to talk.. What he said? icon_neutral.gif


    We had the talk, wasn't what I wanted to hear but it's his decision and I can't force a relationship. He said he really likes me and his head is telling him yes but his heart his saying no and he always follows his heart because that's where "love" comes from. I feel he hasn't really given us a chance to work because we haven't been together that long. But saying that I'd rather be let down now than get to emotionally involved with him. I justc ant get my head around it if I'm honest because of the amount of time we spent together and I did feel a spark was there and nothing he did made me think he felt any different. I just say to myself that's its his loss at the end of the day. I was willing to commit myself to him but it wasn't meant to be.
  • JustDoYou

    Posts: 4

    Nov 25, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    Relationships come with so many complexities. This is what I first need you to understand. Just because you're willing to be in one somewhat quickly doesn't mean he ought to feel the same way. I like to look at the "getting to know someone" phase almost the same way I view myself driving behind the slowest driver. It's easy to become impatient with the driver ahead, but just because you're in a hurry doesn't mean that they are! Just because you want this or that doesn't mean that he does and you will have to respect it.

    Somewhere in your mind you feel like you guys will make a wonderful couple. I'm sure you guys do many things couples would do, perhaps act the way a couple would act together but you just can't understand why he's not willing to commit. This guy loves himself very much and he understand that it's not always glitter, cupcakes and rainbows with relationships so obviously he is in no rush. Take the time to understand him. You're only feeling this way because you set yourself up. You went into this with an expectation (even if you weren't expecting to be with him) and now that nothing is going your way you feel at lost. You put the initial phases of this relationship on a pedestal and that's not fair to you nor him. Take it slowly. If this doesn't work out with him, use the opportunity to gain this as another lesson learned for future endeavors. icon_smile.gif
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Nov 27, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    Relationships are a partnership. You should never feel obligated or in a position where you can't talk to one another. You should be able to have this conversation with him without fear.

    Have a talk with him and lay down how you feel and your expectations. Now, I'm not saying, propose your love for him and have him tell you the names of your (near) future children. No, just tell him how you feel about him and what you would like to come about between you two. If he doesn't want that, then you know your answer and should possibly think about moving on. It sucks, but you should never be in a 'relationship' or 'whatever' where you can't communicate and your feelings aren't being returned. It will only lead to resentment and self confidence issues on your part and no guy is worth your own self worth.

    Key to any relationship is communication and that standard is set at the very beginning of the said relationship. Talk to each other, not at each other. Understand his point of view as well as let him understand yours.

    Like I said, worse case scenario, he doesn't return the favor.
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    Nov 27, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    I went through the same thing with my ex. So I will tell you what I did.
    I told him flat out: "Do you wanna be my boyfriend? Don't feel pressured to say yes. If you need time to think, let me know."

    Don't tell him you can't continue having sex with him anymore if he says no. He may say yes for the wrong reasons and it usually goes without saying that if he says no things would change.

    It's best to just be direct, it makes you look like someone who knows what they want. If he is scared of that, then it's time to find someone else who has the same interests.

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    Nov 30, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    Just over a month may still be too soon. You're having sex, I mean staying at his house everyday...lol. I take it you're not seeing anyone else either? Slow it down, and stop giving up the dick/ass everyday. If he's only using you for company vs. actually wanting to develop something you will know.
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    Nov 30, 2013 7:27 AM GMT
    Once you guys have that serious boyfriend talk.