He's in the closet how do I bring him out....

  • RogerW19

    Posts: 37

    Dec 05, 2008 8:33 PM GMT
    I recently met a Frat boy on campus and we have really hit it off well. We have been hanging out and he knows I like guys and i'm pretty sure he knows he is one of those guys. I have a feeling he likes me too, just by the way he acts around me when we hang out. Everyone tha knows him thinks its odd how he acts around me and thinks he mght be able to date me. I know for sure he is gay cause the dar spins out of control when he walks up. So how do I help escort him up out the closet??? I don't wanna do it in a way that causes him to freak and grab a coat on the way out. So any advice will help Please and Thank You!!
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    Dec 05, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    I'd try and talk to him about it. I know that if I wasn't ready to come out and someone was trying to force me out, I likely would have stayed in the closet longer. Everyone comes out at different times and for some it takes longer than others. If he's open to talking about his orientation with you, then you're making progress. Bringing someone out of the closest is definitely not the way to go. Just being there for him and talking to him about it is likely the best thing you can do right now. Sharing your past experiences will likely help. I'm assuming you want him "out" so you can start dating him? Just because he's not out doesn't mean you guys can't date, although make sure he isn't in denial otherwise you're gonna have problems.
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    Dec 05, 2008 9:40 PM GMT
    If you like him why don't you just ask him out. Or you could just get him stinking drunk. Whatever you do I hope you will respect his space.
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    Dec 05, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    You're not responsible for bringing him out. You'll probably just hook up with him a couple of drunk nights and nothing else. Enjoy yourself! It's college.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 05, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    Yeah, coming out has to be on his terms. You have to accept him as he is, if you should pursue him. But, if you choose to, you can start with something, "Hey, I don't know if you're gay or not, but I'd really like to know you better. Would you like to go out some time?"

    Or you could go straight to the "would you like to go out some time?" and if he says yes, maybe something will come out when it's just the two of you.
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    Dec 05, 2008 10:25 PM GMT
    go drinking with him but don't ask directly, just have eye contact and be touchy, but not too touchy

    or

    go swimming and horseplay, always remember the eye contact
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Dec 05, 2008 11:45 PM GMT
    You knock on his door and wait for HIM to open it or you just move on and knock on someone else's door.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 05, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    You're gonna have to go out on the limb on this one and see if he's ok with it
    ask him out for a drink sometime and talk to him
    If you get a resistance ...... LET IT GO

    There are many emotionally bruised and battered bodies that have gone downb that road !
  • RogerW19

    Posts: 37

    Dec 08, 2008 2:30 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone for your comments. I guess things happen naturally cause we ended up getting drunk the day i posted this and then i stayed the night with him. We are still hanging out and he has been considering asking me out for a while and finally (while drunk) I decided to tell him thought he was cute and everyhting has been good since. Hopefully everything will stay the same.
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    Dec 08, 2008 2:33 AM GMT
    RogerW19 saidThanks everyone for your comments. I guess things happen naturally cause we ended up getting drunk the day i posted this and then i stayed the night with him. We are still hanging out and he has been considering asking me out for a while and finally (while drunk) I decided to tell him thought he was cute and everyhting has been good since. Hopefully everything will stay the same.


    um, YAY icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 08, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    Thats good to hear RogerW19. Glad it worked out for you. Hope it continues. Keep us posted.
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    Dec 08, 2008 2:36 AM GMT
    Everyone has to come out on their own.

    One thing about the guys ive dated, they did like that I didnt push them to come out. I didnt care if they were out, who cares if people know.


    You dont wonder what is going on in your parents or siblings bedrooms so why should they know. Only when things are serious does coming out come in to play.

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    Dec 08, 2008 2:39 AM GMT
    That's great to hear Roger.... So was he able to kiss you or was it just horseplay mostly?
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    Dec 08, 2008 2:39 AM GMT
    That's a start, but don't get too close. If he's just peeking out the door and seeing the world, he may be frightened off and go back in. Don't put any undue pressure on him. He has to come to grips with who he is himself before he tells the world.
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    Dec 08, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    oops i miss-read the post....

    so you want him to come out to you because you like him huh?


    he knows your gay right?

    if he knows that then i dont see why he doesnt at least tell you
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    Dec 08, 2008 4:17 AM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT saidoops i miss-read the post....

    so you want him to come out to you because you like him huh?


    he knows your gay right?

    if he knows that then i dont see why he doesnt at least tell you


    OOH hunny, your behind the times... read the thread ;)
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    Dec 08, 2008 4:23 AM GMT
    I live in a college town and got caught up in this situation. Actually, we ended up having a relationship while he maintained that he was 'not gay'. He eventually freaked out and doesn't speak to me anymore. Ultimately, I'm glad it happened, since the sex was out-of-this-world...but, it broke my heart. Just decide what it is that you expect out of this.
  • GoodPup

    Posts: 752

    Dec 08, 2008 4:26 AM GMT
    I hate how guy think they have to help people out of the closet. What was best for you is not always best for other people. For some people, family is very important... I had guys trying to talk me into coming out because in their opinion I must have been so terrorized having all of that bottled up inside. But do they have any clue how my family would react and if it is really best for me? Or just for them at that time. Well those guys are no longer around, so I am glad I did nothing for them... and I still have such a close relationship with my family and nothing has changed. So I seriously think its gotta be their decision, no pressure... when or IF they wanna do it is up to them. I don't see myself coming out anytime soon if at all. Yeah, might be tough if I had a BF... but I'll get to that if I ever become the dating type. ha!
  • RogerW19

    Posts: 37

    Dec 09, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
    Yeah everything has been great we are going to dinner together tonight and yes we most definitely kissed and fell a asleep holding hands it was hott
  • RogerW19

    Posts: 37

    Dec 09, 2008 12:08 AM GMT
    oh and by the way i think i'm using the term coming out too loosely. i just wanted him to tell me not everyone else. Sorry for the confusion!!
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    Dec 09, 2008 12:33 AM GMT
    Whatever the case, you need to be wary. He's probably still in the early phases of coming to terms with his sexuality, and that means a lot of emotional messiness. Think back to how you were when you came out. There's a lot of internal drama involved. Often internal drama translates to external drama.

    If you guys get involved, it could be great. Or it could become disastrously complicated and messy. More likely the latter. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen.

    Just be careful.
  • GoodPup

    Posts: 752

    Dec 09, 2008 5:43 AM GMT
    RogerW19 saidoh and by the way i think i'm using the term coming out too loosely. i just wanted him to tell me not everyone else. Sorry for the confusion!!


    It took a long time for me to admit it to myself.... I spent a lot of time thinking it was just a phase, trying something new... when people would try to help by making me say outloud that I was gay, I just resented them. Not saying everyone is like that.... but just don't pressure him into anything at all. It is what it is and just enjoy the time and let him figure things out.

    I'm sure other people would disagree, but that is what I wish I had friends doing for me when I was figuring things out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    Force him out!

    (joking)

    Closeted gay people need time. If you force them, they will resent you. Everyone responds in their own way.
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    Dec 03, 2013 12:09 AM GMT

    YOU DON'T! It's not your place or anyone else's too bring a guy out of the closet. People need to come out on their own terms. This is something i strongly disagree with and dislke about many in the gay community who feel it's their duty to help someone out or force them out. Everyone needs to come out when the time is right for them. If his being in the closet is an issue for you then find yourself a gay man otherwise you NEED to accept and respect where he's at in life.
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    Dec 03, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    Christ dude, this thread is 5 years old! Why bother even rehashing it?