Dating older men

  • Arabbottomln

    Posts: 19

    Dec 01, 2013 6:28 PM GMT
    Hi guys. Just wanted to get an objective opinion on something.
    I've never really been on a date with a guy before, only really messed out and had random hookups.

    I'm sick of that now and just wanna date someone, but all the guys under 30 who are my type (tall, athletic etc) seem to only want random hookups.
    As a result, I've been talking to a 35 year old on Grindr who wants to go on dates.. but im a bit reluctant to pursue that any further because of the 15 year age difference. It just strikes my as a bit unnatural to potentially connect emotionally and sexually with someone that much older. Even more so because this would be the first time I do something like that.
    Its weird that I'd have no trouble hooking up with this guy, but its the dating bit which seems a little weird.

    Sorry for rambling on, but the question is "is it unnatural to date someone much older than yourself, particularly with it being the first time you date?"

    Cheers
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    Hey, man. This topic has been brought up numerous times, but the general idea from most people is that if you guys are both comfortable with each other, then age doesn't matter.

    My last boyfriend was 40 when I was 20, and now I'm dating someone who is 33 and I'm 21. I wouldn't sweat it at all if I were you, and what you think about it is all that really matters anyway. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2013 6:35 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with being attracted to a specific type of person but gays are few and hard to come by. It can certainly be unproductive.
    I'm much more attracted to men half my age.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 681

    Dec 01, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    Experience tells me that if they find you hot, they'll do/say anything to appear compatible; if you wanna hookup they'll hookup; if you're looking for LTR, they'll pretend to be LTR minded. They'll even tell you how mature you are for your age, just to lessen any discomfort about the age difference. I like learning from others' life experiences, that's why I have older friends (not lovers).
  • aguyinbrist

    Posts: 98

    Dec 01, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    My advice to you would be DONT!

    Just wait around till a good bloke comes along. There's NOTHING wrong with meeting a date off an app. I met my boyfriend on Grindr too incidentally. He's 26, a stunning looking bloke, and a great guy at heart too. I never thought I'd meet a guy more masculine and handsome than myself on Grindr who wanted to commit as much as I did too ever, since it's full of camp queers that are not happy to settle with each other; but guess what, I have and you'll too, because the world is not just filled with ugly scrawny skinny fem camp queers, but goodlooking fit handsome masculine guys with good hearts and stable decent jobs (or students) that want to settle and even contemplate a family life, and many are your age man.

    You need to be very very patient and be clear with guys your age that you're only after dates.


    With an older guy, nothing will work out. You can't introduce him to family, you'll feel weird being out with him, and he wont introduce you to friends nor family, and probably it'll only be confined to sex between you too - so you might as well just hookup eh. And he'll most likely leave you for someone his age down the line,or some other young thing anyways (how perverse eh).

    Also, he should be dating someone his age. I have a huge gripe against older blokes dating much younger guys as if there's something wrong with blokes their own age. This distorts the dating pool massively. Young guys should be with young guys, and older with older, grow old together gracefully.

    So that's my advice, be patient, keep looking, be a good person, and you'll catch a guy your age's attention, and you'll be as lucky and happy with a bloke your age as I myself am right now. You'll thank me later man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    If you're 20 and he's 35, you'll be able to get the benefit of his experience (if he has any!) and he's still just young enough that you'll have some overlapping interests. Wouldn't count on a long term relationship though as you'll grow out of him when your priorities and gay identity evolve. This is especially true if this is the 1st guy you've dated. He would be wise to realize the same thing.
    A 15 year age difference matters much less if you're, say, 35 and he was 50 since it would be more likely that you'd have a similar level of maturity, with similar life & career goals. Just an opinion.
  • Citrushills

    Posts: 56

    Dec 02, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    aguyinbrist saidMy advice to you would be DONT!

    Just wait around till a good bloke comes along. There's NOTHING wrong with meeting a date off an app. I met my boyfriend on Grindr too incidentally. He's 26, a stunning looking bloke, and a great guy at heart too. I never thought I'd meet a guy more masculine and handsome than myself on Grindr who wanted to commit as much as I did too ever, since it's full of camp queers that are not happy to settle with each other; but guess what, I have and you'll too, because the world is not just filled with ugly scrawny skinny fem camp queers, but goodlooking fit handsome masculine guys with good hearts and stable decent jobs (or students) that want to settle and even contemplate a family life, and many are your age man.

    You need to be very very patient and be clear with guys your age that you're only after dates.


    With an older guy, nothing will work out. You can't introduce him to family, you'll feel weird being out with him, and he wont introduce you to friends nor family, and probably it'll only be confined to sex between you too - so you might as well just hookup eh. And he'll most likely leave you for someone his age down the line,or some other young thing anyways (how perverse eh).

    Also, he should be dating someone his age. I have a huge gripe against older blokes dating much younger guys as if there's something wrong with blokes their own age. This distorts the dating pool massively. Young guys should be with young guys, and older with older, grow old together gracefully.

    So that's my advice, be patient, keep looking, be a good person, and you'll catch a guy your age's attention, and you'll be as lucky and happy with a bloke your age as I myself am right now. You'll thank me later man.


    I don't agree with you at all. I see people all the time dating intergenerationally and I do not see any reluctance about introducing a significant other to anyone, including family. I think way too much attention is given to age. If you're comfortable with someone, it makes no difference at all what their age is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    Individual results may vary. So just go for it, and see how things turn out.

    Or not, and keep wondering what could have been.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:03 AM GMT
    Generally speaking I prefer dating a bit older, but not too much older (ideally 5 years older).

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    highforthis saidExperience tells me that if they find you hot, they'll do/say anything to appear compatible; if you wanna hookup they'll hookup; if you're looking for LTR, they'll pretend to be LTR minded. They'll even tell you how mature you are for your age, just to lessen any discomfort about the age difference. I like learning from others' life experiences, that's why I have older friends (not lovers).


    THIS

    Also, when reading the responses in the thread, check the age of the profiles to see whether the posters have a stake in changing public opinion. You don't have to try everything to know what is harmful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    highforthis saidExperience tells me that if they find you hot, they'll do/say anything to appear compatible; if you wanna hookup they'll hookup; if you're looking for LTR, they'll pretend to be LTR minded. They'll even tell you how mature you are for your age, just to lessen any discomfort about the age difference. I like learning from others' life experiences, that's why I have older friends (not lovers).


    I didn't read this but it's a wise note.

    Why would a 35 yo wanting LTR wanna date a 20 yo? Guys are tricky and will say anything to get in your pants.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    brodyg said
    highforthis saidExperience tells me that if they find you hot, they'll do/say anything to appear compatible; if you wanna hookup they'll hookup; if you're looking for LTR, they'll pretend to be LTR minded. They'll even tell you how mature you are for your age, just to lessen any discomfort about the age difference. I like learning from others' life experiences, that's why I have older friends (not lovers).


    THIS

    Also, when reading the responses in the thread, check the age of the profiles to see whether the posters have a stake in changing public opinion. You don't have to try everything to know what is harmful.


    This? Since when is agreeing with yourself a THIS?

    Jesus fucking Christ. You come in as one sock, change sock and then sock up the forum some more.

    How many fucking socks do you have? You make the southbeach octopus look like a biped.

    I swear, it reeks of dirty hamper in here!

    child-wicker-laundry-hamper-fb.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:52 AM GMT
    ^^Talk about low class. Notice I'm not the only one agreeing with him, and until your false accusations, people managed to discuss the topic like adults, without adhominem attacks.

    Are we to assume from your ranting that as an old man, you didn't like his opinion?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    brodyg said^^Talk about low class. Notice I'm not the only one agreeing with him, and until your post, people managed to discuss the topic like adults, without adhominem attacks.

    Are we to assume from your ranting that as an old man, you didn't like his opinion?


    You're a complete scumbag. I don't give a flying fuck what people do or think as long as they don't hurt each other.

    But, that aside, you're a complete fucking scumbag. Fuck you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    highforthis saidExperience tells me that if they find you hot, they'll do/say anything to appear compatible; if you wanna hookup they'll hookup; if you're looking for LTR, they'll pretend to be LTR minded. They'll even tell you how mature you are for your age, just to lessen any discomfort about the age difference. I like learning from others' life experiences, that's why I have older friends (not lovers).


    I guess "THEY" are all the same.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    brodyg said^^Talk about low class. Notice I'm not the only one agreeing with him, and until your post, people managed to discuss the topic like adults, without adhominem attacks.

    Are we to assume from your ranting that as an old man, you didn't like his opinion?


    You're a complete scumbag. I don't give a flying fuck what people do or think as long as they don't hurt each other.

    But, that aside, you're a complete fucking scumbag. Fuck you.


    Hard to believe you're in your 50's. icon_smile.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 02, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    Arabbottomln saidHi guys. Just wanted to get an objective opinion on something.

    No such animal. It's an oxymoron. If you like the guy, go on a few dates. My advice (regardless of age dif), when "dating" do *not* have sex on the first date and maybe not the second, either. Not a solid rule but generally if the point is to get to know someone, sex right off isn't the way to do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    brodyg said
    theantijock said
    brodyg said^^Talk about low class. Notice I'm not the only one agreeing with him, and until your post, people managed to discuss the topic like adults, without adhominem attacks.

    Are we to assume from your ranting that as an old man, you didn't like his opinion?


    You're a complete scumbag. I don't give a flying fuck what people do or think as long as they don't hurt each other.

    But, that aside, you're a complete fucking scumbag. Fuck you.


    Hard to believe you're in your 50's. icon_smile.gif


    Many of my relatives live well into their 90s, and that's from two generations past, so I just might see 100 plus. I've got another 50 or so years to tell you fuck off. How 'bout I start now: Fuck off.
  • Breeman

    Posts: 339

    Dec 02, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    Just go out casually at first and feel things out. You can learn a lot from someone older as they would from you. I had a much younger guy interested in me. We went out for coffees and dinners and just kept it to casual meet ups and good conversation. Keep an open mind .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    Citrushills said
    aguyinbrist saidMy advice to you would be DONT!

    Just wait around till a good bloke comes along. There's NOTHING wrong with meeting a date off an app. I met my boyfriend on Grindr too incidentally. He's 26, a stunning looking bloke, and a great guy at heart too. I never thought I'd meet a guy more masculine and handsome than myself on Grindr who wanted to commit as much as I did too ever, since it's full of camp queers that are not happy to settle with each other; but guess what, I have and you'll too, because the world is not just filled with ugly scrawny skinny fem camp queers, but goodlooking fit handsome masculine guys with good hearts and stable decent jobs (or students) that want to settle and even contemplate a family life, and many are your age man.

    You need to be very very patient and be clear with guys your age that you're only after dates.


    With an older guy, nothing will work out. You can't introduce him to family, you'll feel weird being out with him, and he wont introduce you to friends nor family, and probably it'll only be confined to sex between you too - so you might as well just hookup eh. And he'll most likely leave you for someone his age down the line,or some other young thing anyways (how perverse eh).

    Also, he should be dating someone his age. I have a huge gripe against older blokes dating much younger guys as if there's something wrong with blokes their own age. This distorts the dating pool massively. Young guys should be with young guys, and older with older, grow old together gracefully.

    So that's my advice, be patient, keep looking, be a good person, and you'll catch a guy your age's attention, and you'll be as lucky and happy with a bloke your age as I myself am right now. You'll thank me later man.


    I don't agree with you at all. I see people all the time dating intergenerationally and I do not see any reluctance about introducing a significant other to anyone, including family. I think way too much attention is given to age. If you're comfortable with someone, it makes no difference at all what their age is.


    I'm w/ you, Citrus, based not only on my own personal experience but that of others, both older and younger than I. Brist[ol?] casts his net too wide w/ his pessimism, which comes across as just as "ugly" - and intellectually "scrawny" - as those whom he derides. One of the pleasant surprises about growing older is that there ARE younger guys who like older men, just as there are older men like myself who like younger guys, and when two like hearts combine, it's just as legitimate whatever their age, regardless of Brist's regimented and distorted views of how "the dating pool" should function.
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    Dec 02, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    Arabbottomln said but im a bit reluctant to pursue that any further because of the 15 year age difference. It just strikes my as a bit unnatural to potentially connect emotionally and sexually with someone that much older. Even more so because this would be the first time I do something like that.
    Its weird that I'd have no trouble hooking up with this guy, but its the dating bit which seems a little weird.



    If this is how you feel, then you should stick to being single.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    I dated an older guy (he was 38, I was 24 at the time) this past year. He was a great guy, really attractive, settled in his life and career. We were great for a while, but for whatever reason I just lost my attraction to him. It seemed more and more like he was acting like my father rather than boyfriend, and the age difference became noticeable. I don't mind an age difference in either direction, but that was too big of one for me. Definitely a learning experience though.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Dec 02, 2013 5:44 AM GMT
    Arabbottomln saidHi guys. Just wanted to get an objective opinion on something.
    I've never really been on a date with a guy before, only really messed out and had random hookups.

    I'm sick of that now and just wanna date someone, but all the guys under 30 who are my type (tall, athletic etc) seem to only want random hookups.
    As a result, I've been talking to a 35 year old on Grindr who wants to go on dates.. but im a bit reluctant to pursue that any further because of the 15 year age difference. It just strikes my as a bit unnatural to potentially connect emotionally and sexually with someone that much older. Even more so because this would be the first time I do something like that.
    Its weird that I'd have no trouble hooking up with this guy, but its the dating bit which seems a little weird.

    Sorry for rambling on, but the question is "is it unnatural to date someone much older than yourself, particularly with it being the first time you date?"

    Cheers


    The bottom line is does the older guy get your dick hard? Do you get turned on talking to him? If so, give it a try. If it doesn't then it probably won't be a fit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    shut up and go on this date already. you're a bottom - you are meant to date older man. older, not old... so good luck with that 35 year-old. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:33 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    brodyg said
    theantijock said
    brodyg said^^Talk about low class. Notice I'm not the only one agreeing with him, and until your post, people managed to discuss the topic like adults, without adhominem attacks.

    Are we to assume from your ranting that as an old man, you didn't like his opinion?


    You're a complete scumbag. I don't give a flying fuck what people do or think as long as they don't hurt each other.

    But, that aside, you're a complete fucking scumbag. Fuck you.


    Hard to believe you're in your 50's. icon_smile.gif


    Many of my relatives live well into their 90s, and that's from two generations past, so I just might see 100 plus. I've got another 50 or so years to tell you fuck off. How 'bout I start now: Fuck off.


    Still not sure what I said that made you target me in particular... only thing I can think of is the part where I advised forumers to check the profile age of posters to see if they have a reason to encourage younger guys to date older...