Are you okay with a discreet relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    Or does your lover has to be open about your relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:22 AM GMT
    No.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    No! My relationships have always been open and honest.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:26 AM GMT
    Shawnathan saidFuck discreet. I'm not 16.


    RIGHT!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:27 AM GMT
    Lol I pity the man who thinks he has to settle for living a life in the shadows.
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    Dec 02, 2013 6:28 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidNo.


    Unless a free range Black Amex is involved...icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 02, 2013 7:22 AM GMT
    discreet works for me
  • LilScottie41

    Posts: 14

    Dec 02, 2013 7:25 AM GMT
    I totally get that a discreet boyfriend is often seen as childish but we don't all have such simple lives ;D.

    A discreet boyfriend is more manageable in a busy life and forces you to make the best of when you see each other so sparks fly quickly. I only have discreet boyfriends and I can tell you if you're with the right type of guy who understands you situation and isn't gonna get all upset, you can have a better time than many open relationships will offer.

    Just think about it. Low time wasting, quick chemistry, and lots of hooking up makes things passionate. I like role playing with guys, where we exaggerate how secretive we need to be and run around town being goofy and hooking up in public ally's or in the back of a park haha. I don't do it because I'm not out I do it because my gay life is my second life icon_smile.gif.
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    Dec 02, 2013 7:27 AM GMT
    Fuck. No.
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    Dec 02, 2013 8:14 AM GMT
    HellNo saidOr does your lover has to be open about your relationship?
    What do you mean by discreet?
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    Dec 02, 2013 8:20 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    HellNo saidOr does your lover has to be open about your relationship?
    What do you mean by discreet?


    He means having a relationship on the down low where nobody else knows you are in a relationship together.

    I think that if I were to have a relationship, for some reason I always have this inkling it's going to be discreet because I'm not the kind of guy you would want people to know you're seeing.
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Dec 02, 2013 8:43 AM GMT
    it depends on the circumstances,If u were living in a homophobic community and more than homophobic of course it will be discreet relationship,if being openly gay will threaten your career of course it will be discreet.
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    Dec 02, 2013 10:04 AM GMT
    meezo saidit depends on the circumstances,If u were living in a homophobic community and more than homophobic of course it will be discreet relationship,if being openly gay will threaten your career of course it will be discreet.


    This is why discrete has to be a fact in my life , i totally agree
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    Dec 02, 2013 12:22 PM GMT
    Hell to the No! icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 1:33 PM GMT
    Discreet is fine with me.
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    Dec 02, 2013 1:44 PM GMT
    If discreet means closted then I'd rather not. Did that twice with BFs, guys who were in the closet to their family and most of the local community, not something I enjoyed.

    At least they were out to the gay community, so we were able to go to gay clubs and gay house parties. But living a double life with them, having to watch what I said, how I acted, even how I looked at them, always on guard in public, was very restrictive & stressful.

    I obviously liked each of them a lot to put up with it, and I kept hoping in each case that they'd eventually come out, but neither ever did, even to this day I believe. The irony was that nearly everyone, including their families, did in fact know they were gay, and that we were a couple, but they refused to accept that reality, insisting they had everyone fooled.

    Sometimes I felt like I was in the middle of some old I Love Lucy episode, trying to deceive everyone around us, concealing the big secret of our true identities, but not having nearly as many laughs about it. In fact, it was downright unpleasant. I'm not built to play Ethel Mertz, in more ways than one.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Dec 02, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    no
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    Dec 02, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Depends how discrete.

    I would question someone who forbids me from telling anyone we are together. It would seem weird.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    Likely not. I've done it before and I always hated it. I can't imagine having a 'serious' relationship with someone who doesn't even want others to know y'all are together.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidThis is fine in the beginning but depending on each person's circumstances it is likely that at least one would want more and eventually lead to being together openly or termination of the discrete relationship.


    This.


    How are you defining 'relationship' anyway? Monogamous? FWB?

    Discrete relationships, no matter how hot/great the partner is, would most likely have a pretty short/medium term shelf-life.

    I'm naturally a pretty low-key/discrete person in general anyway, but, it would still really depend on the extent of how discreet in practice, and the reason why it was deemed necessary for it to be discreet.

    The 'why' is very important.

    Even then, if I was satisfied with the why, the person in question would have to be more than pretty damn tempting on several levels of attraction. And pragmatic enough to know that I will eventually walk away from it once the initial excitement wares off and/ I require something more substantial in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    In general, no.
  • BuggEyedSprit...

    Posts: 920

    Dec 02, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    Discreet if fine, if compelling...
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    Dec 02, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    It depends how discreet and why.

    I'm not out to my family yet so I can relate, but I lead a normal gay lifestyle otherwise. I dated a discreet guy once who wouldn't even hug in public, which was a turn off to me.

    Also I won't date someone discreet because he is married or has a gf on the side, obviously.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 02, 2013 3:59 PM GMT
    Having nothing, I could settle.

    Having a choice, I'd prefer not to settle.
  • blueandgold

    Posts: 396

    Dec 02, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    I've done it, and it sucks. your relationship exists only in secret behind walls. other than that in public you're buddies. a lot of people are at leasta little suspicious, and you just look silly and weak.

    that was a no.