He downloaded grindr while on break

  • canadianguy93

    Posts: 5

    Dec 03, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    Please read

    So my boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for a year and two months. Recently we have been fighting a lot. It is his first relationship ever. I am his first everything. He decided we needed some time apart instead of totally ruining our relationship. I agreed. Then because i have little trust issues, i downloaded grindr and found him on there with a shirtless pic of himself. I love him so much but I do not know what to do.
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    Dec 03, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    Dump his ass. Sounds like he wants to move on to the next one.

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    Dec 03, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    I think its time baby :'( if you hold on things will only get worse, i'm so sorry . I've felt that pain too many times
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    Dec 03, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    Well, why did you download Grindr?


    I'm sure just to "investigate"...right???? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Dec 03, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    Did you define the boundaries for your break? He may have been operating under the assumption that it was allowed since you were on a break. I'd bring it up to him and get his side of the story before making your own assumptions about it. I know if I were in your shoes I'd be pretty upset as well, but if you didn't make clear what was and wasn't ok while on a break then you can't really blame him.
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    Dec 03, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    lgg5819 saidDid you define the boundaries for your break? He may have been operating under the assumption that it was allowed since you were on a break. I'd bring it up to him and get his side of the story before making your own assumptions about it. I know if I were in your shoes I'd be pretty upset as well, but if you didn't make clear what was and wasn't ok while on a break then you can't really blame him.


    He's a cheating whore, dump him. But seriously the above^ advice sounds like the way to go.
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    Dec 03, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    #EndOfTheStory
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    Dec 03, 2013 11:40 PM GMT
    Well, RJ's default position, no matter the situation, is that you dump the guy and join us in our singleness

    Unless he's old, in which case there's a lot of "life experiences" that you can stand to gain by "giving it another shot".

    IMO, there isn't enough information. Grindr alone isn't a deal-breaker; people have their weak moments.
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Dec 04, 2013 12:47 AM GMT
    I would say that downloading grindr after deciding to take a break is not something to be alarmed about, I think it could make sense...

    You want to talk to people and see what's going on where you are, not necessarily to hook up with them, but let's be honest grindr is ubiquitous in our community, especially if you're feeling lonely.

    Equally fair is that he would post a shirtless pic. Why? Because he probably wanted people to talk to him/respond if he reached out to them. People are such asshats that you pretty much are resigned to whore yourself out to have decency, unless you are comfortable enough to just have your pretty face as your profile pic. Right?

    I'd say that if this happened to me, I'd be pissed at first, not gonna lie, but I think contextually it makes sense, especially if you were truly on a break and there weren't any guidelines.

    Also if you're his first everything he just is turning to whatever he knows, presumably he was on grindr before you (maybe you met there) and so this is just old hat. I'd say be honest with him, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but downloading grindr and putting your best foot forward is not a sin.

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    Dec 04, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    waynepenner saidPlease read

    So my boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for a year and two months. Recently we have been fighting a lot. It is his first relationship ever. I am his first everything. He decided we needed some time apart instead of totally ruining our relationship. I agreed. Then because i have little trust issues, i downloaded grindr and found him on there with a shirtless pic of himself. I love him so much but I do not know what to do.


    It sounds like your relationship is already ruined because of two reasons: 1) your trust issues and 2) your bf is not into you anymore because he wouldn't be flaunting his shirtless self on grindr, if he did.

    Break it off and go your separate ways!
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    Dec 04, 2013 12:58 AM GMT
    Never understood: "taking a break".
    Doesn't it mean: "I want to see what else is out there and if I don't like it then we're good"?

    There is a reason being the "First" is a big red flag.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 04, 2013 5:01 AM GMT
    Dumping someone for downloading or using Grindr is tremendously immature. You were on a 'break'. He was free to do as he pleased. Don't be a fool.
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    Dec 04, 2013 4:03 PM GMT
    I think it's bullshit to turn these things around like "oh you have trust issues and snooped, YOU'RE the one who needs work".

    It's obvious both parties have some things to work through. The OP did not give background into what the fights are about, so if his boyfriend has been having doubts about "spending life together when all these hot guys are walking about begging to be fucked making me resentful and wistful about what could have been" then that's something worth addressing.

    Break-ups are not a bad thing, they are the products of unhealthy dynamics between people at particular times in their lives. Relationships are hard to match to get just right.

    Waynepenner, even though everyone says it and it's annoying, you're young. Learn from this experience. If it's unsalvageable, break it off so good terms can remain.
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    Dec 04, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    leo_ said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, why did you download Grindr?


    I'm sure just to "investigate"...right???? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    INORITE?!

    I was thinking the same thing. ......


    EXACTLY! Both are guilty. The court is adjourned


    119vsz9jpg.gif

    same reaction.
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    Dec 05, 2013 7:12 PM GMT
    You've been trolled ?
  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Dec 07, 2013 7:42 PM GMT
    I don't think it's right for him to be on Grindr, especially with a shirtless pic which heavily implies he's not just looking to 'chat'. The fact that you were suspicious enough to add grindr to see if he was on there tells a lot about your relationship with him. Maybe you need to re-evaluate whether he is really ready for a relationship, and the same for you.
  • OddlyOrdinary

    Posts: 7

    Dec 07, 2013 11:24 PM GMT
    This battle is over. Withdraw your fleet and surrender, Or wait and watch soundlessly as the empire you built collapses before you like a sandcastle on the shoreline.