Is Cuddling Cheating?

  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Dec 04, 2013 5:52 AM GMT
    I have a friend who has a boyfriend. I am really happy for this since, I have trouble meeting gay guys who are really looking for friends without some kind of sexual relationship.

    We have been going out on the town consistently and things, since he lives in the city, I usually stop at his place for a minute before heading back to the suburbs.

    One time, he asked me to stay and watch a movie, and so I did. The next day he texted me saying he would have been more comfortable if we had been cuddling but thought I might be uncomfortable with it. I told him that us "white and up tight people" get uncomfortable about everything and jealous quickly too(He is from another country). He laughed and agreed.

    The next time we went out he asked me again to stay for a movie. This time he proceeds to try and cuddle with me I guess. I didn't reciprocate nor did I push him away, and he pretty much felt up any area that wouldn't be completely inappropriate.

    I have no interest in him romantically and felt uncomfortable about the last visit so I opted out of a movie last time we went out.

    So I guess my question is, am I a homewrecking cuddle whore? How should i treat the situation?
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Dec 04, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    He's a home wrecker. Just don't go back to his place after.
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    Dec 04, 2013 5:58 AM GMT
    I think cuddling is more cheating than actual sex to be honest. Sex can be kept casual and mechanical, but cuddling is something people do when feelings are involved.
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    Dec 04, 2013 5:59 AM GMT
    Yes.


    /thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2013 5:59 AM GMT
    Cuddling with a movie can be ok depending on intentions, but your friend proved that his intentions aren't good.
    Usually, these things come naturally to close friends... girls snuggle together all the time. If he needs to instruct you through text, it's a red flag.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:00 AM GMT
    if you aren't comfortable you shouldn't do it, but try maybe giving him boundaries and letting him know how far is far enough. If he doesn't like that then you shouldn't go over anymore. He might have an agenda you don't want to be apart of.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:02 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI think cuddling is more cheating than actual sex to be honest. Sex can be kept casual and mechanical, but cuddling is something people do when feelings are involved.


    not always, sometimes it's nice just having some skin to skin contact or having a body to lay against.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    Only if the balls touch.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    He's an unfaithful whore.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:44 AM GMT
    He's the one screwing this up but he's dragging you into this. Back in my 30s I lost a whole group of friends after one tried putting the make on me while he was in a monogamous relationship with another friend. Not only was he not my type--like not at all--but I wouldn't have done anything anyway.

    There was this one night when we were drunk and he made a move. Real awkward. I was sober enough to stop it and I think I did so without embarrassing him or anything. We never mentioned it after that. I never did anything to make him feel uncomfortable. I just went on as if nothing happened, maybe that was a mistake, I don't know. But from that point he just start wrecking our relationship and pulling other friends away from me, all kinds of drama. I finally just walked away from the whole group.

    So at this point you might be in a precarious spot because you did allow the cuddling. So now if you continue cuddling, you're a home wrecker. If you stop the cuddling, you're rejecting him. We got drama. Right here in River City.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Dec 04, 2013 8:07 AM GMT
    hmmm thanks for the input. His actions are strange, particularly considering that last time we went out he told me his boyfriend feels threatened by me(which I was unhappy to hear cause I think he is a good guy). I'll have to be more careful with the situation.
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    Dec 04, 2013 9:00 AM GMT
    Make a point to get on great with his boyfriend next time you are all out together, this is a subtle way of telling the friend that nothing is going to happen.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Dec 04, 2013 10:16 AM GMT
    Ohno saidMake a point to get on great with his boyfriend next time you are all out together, this is a subtle way of telling the friend that nothing is going to happen.


    I do get along great with the boyfriend, that's why this development got so weird.
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    Dec 04, 2013 10:58 AM GMT
    why the hell would u cuddle with the guy u dnt like, that is my question. Anyway u did nothing wrong and this friendship thing without benefit might be just one side (n that on your part). This guy is not interested in friendship rather shaging. Run away, before things get complicated.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 04, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    It depends on the intent. In this case, it sounds like cheating. All of the red flags are there.
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    Dec 04, 2013 5:47 PM GMT
    Danger danger Will Robinson. Any sort of physical intimacy is going to lead to amplified emotions.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 04, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidDanger danger Will Robinson. Any sort of physical intimacy is going to lead to amplified emotions.

    Even just making eye contact can be considered home wrecking to people with straw houses.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 04, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Lumpyoatmeal saidDanger danger Will Robinson. Any sort of physical intimacy is going to lead to amplified emotions.

    Even just making eye contact can be considered home wrecking to people with straw houses.


    We have a community of extremely insecure people here. Cuddling certainly doesn't qualify as cheating. Sticking your cock in someone does. What a extremely silly notion that cuddling--extended hugging of another human being--is cheating!

    Such foolish nonense. I guess the cat that cuddles next to you in bed 'cheats' on your when he cuddles with someone else. Or when you cuddle your child then it's incest? Saddens me to say it, but if you think cuddling is cheating, you're emotionally idiotic.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 04, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidIt depends on the intent. In this case, it sounds like cheating. All of the red flags are there.


    In the case of the OP, there's a hint of emotional cheating going on. It's not the cuddling that's the issue, it's the intent behind it. yes.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:49 PM GMT
    SKM2 saidwhy the hell would u cuddle with the guy u dnt like, that is my question...


    Could simply be that he was just being nice. A friend wanted to cuddle up with his body and he allowed that. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. It's actually quite generous. It's the relationships involved that complicates this, of course.

    OP, you do need to be real careful in extracting yourself from this situation. And who knows the other guy's intent at this point, particularly as you said he knows his boyfriend is somewhat jealous of you. So on some level--whether entirely conscious or somewhat instinctual--he might be playing that.

    And it could be that even as careful as you might try to be of other people's feelings, this could still fall apart on you. Sometimes even when we do all the right things, things still fuck up. Welcome to life.
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    Dec 04, 2013 6:53 PM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    HottJoe said
    Lumpyoatmeal saidDanger danger Will Robinson. Any sort of physical intimacy is going to lead to amplified emotions.

    Even just making eye contact can be considered home wrecking to people with straw houses.


    We have a community of extremely insecure people here. Cuddling certainly doesn't qualify as cheating. Sticking your cock in someone does. What a extremely silly notion that cuddling--extended hugging of another human being--is cheating!

    Such foolish nonense. I guess the cat that cuddles next to you in bed 'cheats' on your when he cuddles with someone else. Or when you cuddle your child then it's incest? Saddens me to say it, but if you think cuddling is cheating, you're emotionally idiotic.



    You act as if love is nothing but mechanics. It's so easy to get a blowjob through a gloryhole and never have any feelings for the person in the least. However cuddling up on the sofa and stroking and petting each other is quite another story. Cuddling is difficult to do without showing affection, however casual sex is not. And equating cuddling with a cat or a child to cuddling with another adult is a disingenuous way to make your point.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 04, 2013 6:59 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    PR_GMR said
    HottJoe said
    Lumpyoatmeal saidDanger danger Will Robinson. Any sort of physical intimacy is going to lead to amplified emotions.

    Even just making eye contact can be considered home wrecking to people with straw houses.


    We have a community of extremely insecure people here. Cuddling certainly doesn't qualify as cheating. Sticking your cock in someone does. What a extremely silly notion that cuddling--extended hugging of another human being--is cheating!

    Such foolish nonense. I guess the cat that cuddles next to you in bed 'cheats' on your when he cuddles with someone else. Or when you cuddle your child then it's incest? Saddens me to say it, but if you think cuddling is cheating, you're emotionally idiotic.



    You act as if love is nothing but mechanics. It's so easy to get a blowjob through a gloryhole and never have any feelings for the person in the least. However cuddling up on the sofa and stroking and petting each other is quite another story. Cuddling is difficult to do without showing affection, however casual sex is not. And equating cuddling with a cat or a child to cuddling with another adult is a disingenuous way to make your point.


    I agree that it's the intent behind the cuddling that makes it cheating. In the OP's particular case, I think cuddling qualifies as emotional cheating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2013 8:29 PM GMT
    Makes me think of the hotel bed fully clothed spooning scene between Angela Basset and Wesley Snipes in "Waiting To Exhale." He had a sick wife, she was rebounding while divorcing her cheating husband. Did finding comfort in each other's arms make it all right?
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    Dec 04, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidwell... looking @ this thread, i guess here won't be the place to look for relationship advice if i were to get into one.



    Don't worry. You won't. icon_cool.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 04, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews saidwell... looking @ this thread, i guess here won't be the place to look for relationship advice if i were to get into one.

    It's really between you and your bf. The advice here is interesting, but there are no absolutes.