Monogamy: Gay vs. "Straight"

  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 07, 2008 11:04 PM GMT
    Ok. I have seen enough "gay guys only want one thing" posts in here, so we will do a non-scientific poll of RJers who choose to participate. Here is how it will work.

    You will post how many homosexual relationships you have had, and in how many of them there was cheating (this will let an individual admit to cheating for statistical purposes- without saying to the RJ community, "I am cheater").

    Then, if you have been in heterosexual relationships, list the same information. How may relationships, how many relationships had cheating occur during the relationship.

    Lastly, the number of fuck buddies you have had over the years (independent of the first two categories)

    Please be honest. Cheating is defined on a relationship by relationship basis. "It's like porn, difficult to define, but you know it when you see it." See the second post in this thread for an example. I will compile the statistics here:

    41 Total Homosexual Relationships

    11 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    26.8 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    13 Total Heterosexual Relationships

    2 Total Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    15.3 % Percent of Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    65 Fuck Buddies.

    *Updated through my last post
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 07, 2008 11:05 PM GMT
    I've had 1 gay relationship, 3 straight and the only cheating was in one of the straight relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 07, 2008 11:12 PM GMT
    Define relationship. . . I've had alot of fuck buddies (of course I wasn't monogamous, that's why it's a fuck buddy).

    So relationship meaning you've been together for a X# of years/months.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 07, 2008 11:21 PM GMT
    debussy81 saidDefine relationship. . . I've had alot of fuck buddies (of course I wasn't monogamous, that's why it's a fuck buddy).

    So relationship meaning you've been together for a X# of years/months.


    Relationship meaning YOU call it a relationship. You just said "fuck buddies", so you clearly don't consider it the kind of relationship where cheating is even possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 07, 2008 11:28 PM GMT
    2 Total Homosexual Relationships

    0 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 Total Heterosexual Relationships

    0 Total Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % Percent of Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    Tah-Dah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    1 Homosexual Relationship, 0 cheating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 1:18 AM GMT
    0 relationships

    Why not do the stats for those with fuck buddies versus relationships as well--fuck buddies both gay and straight male and female. Honestly i'm curious about that--how many gay guys would rather have fuck buddies than a relationship based on monogamy. Maybe those stats will help my own ignorance/biased suspisions/stereotypes.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 08, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 said0 relationships

    Why not do the stats for those with fuck buddies versus relationships as well--fuck buddies both gay and straight male and female. Honestly i'm curious about that--how many gay guys would rather have fuck buddies than a relationship based on monogamy. Maybe those stats will help my own ignorance/biased suspisions/stereotypes.


    Good idea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    4 homosexual relationships.

    0 heterosexual relationships.

    3 homosexual non-relationships (fuck-buddies [though no anal] and 1 one-nighter).

    0% cheating on my part in any of them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    1 Total Homosexual Relationships

    0 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    1 Fuck buddy (but he eventually became my one relationship)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    oh crap, we gotta answer honestly? including fuck buddies AND one nighters?

    8 Total Homosexual Relationships (well the ones I consider real relationships that lasted longer then a few fun nights)

    0 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    umm like 30 Fuck buddies (currant one is the best though)

    This is not one nights right? fuck buddies are the ones you go back to again and again but just for a fuck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 8:56 AM GMT
    1 Total Homosexual Relationships

    0 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 Total Heterosexual Relationships

    0 Total Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % Percent of Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 Fuck Buddies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    1 homo relationship

    0 cheating

    Ummm....maybe 3 or 4 fuck buddies over the years?
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 08, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    1 relationship.

    no cheating on either side.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 08, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    2 Total Homosexual Relationships

    0 Total Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % of Homosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    2 Total Heterosexual Relationships

    0 Total Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating

    0 % Percent of Heterosexual Relationships to Experience Cheating
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 7:16 PM GMT
    Something to consider:

    A relationship does only 2 things, moving toward one another or away

    All choices then determine the outcome

    If you're eating a meal are you looking over the menu for other meals?

    Sharing a meal? (Perhaps this is an open-relationship then)

    Sampling meals? (Maybe we call this fuck buddy)

    Each behavior chosen away from a holistic relationship with someone is moving away from the individual

    The holistic relationship is a fully involved desire of focus on another (not dependent but freedom to choose the relationship each and every moment)

    When determining "cheating" one can ask, does flirting move away from the relationship? Does sexualizing other men move away from the relationship? Does porn move away from the relationship?

    If you are NOT free to NOT do any of these behaviors, then the health of the relationship does not exist or exists only at certain levels.

    Health = Freedom. The more you have of one, the more you have of the other.

    Think of the alcoholic who perhaps cannot NOT take a drink, even if the drink is one a day, this wouldn't be freedom.


    5 relationships (more than 4 months each)

    5 cheating (as defined by the above criteria)






  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    That previous post looked like an extra long disteration why there is no such thing as a relationship to me... sounds like someone justifies their desire to cheat by saying its not healthy to be with only one person????

    For me -
    4 Homosexual relationships
    4 episodes of cheating
    100% of homo relationships resulted in cheating

    2 heterosexual relationships
    0 episodes of cheating
    0% of hetro relationships resulted in cheating

    # of FBs in total?????
    25-35 depending on if you count both hetro and homo....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    Well, certainly you don't have to agree and clearly you don't; no worries.

    As pointed out by the author of the poll, in addition to any poll taken, unless a specific criteria is outlined then attempting to vet out information is often times inaccurate because everyone subjectively defines everything in life from only their own personal perspective.

    Science is measured by objective information toward data; polls attempt to do this quite often to point data toward a conclusion (hypothesis to theory).
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Dec 08, 2008 8:09 PM GMT
    10 Total Homo Relationships
    3 Total Homo Relationships w/ cheating (30%)

    3 Total Hetero Relationships
    1 Total Hetero Relationship w/ cheating (33.3%)

    4 Fuck Buddies

    Wow! Thankfully, you're not asking for total number of sexual relationships. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 8:12 PM GMT
    "Wow! Thankfully, you're not asking for total number of sexual relationships"


    LOL! Agreed! icon_smile.gif
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 08, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    0 homosexual relationships

    3 heterosexual relationships
    No cheating

    0 fuck buddies.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 8:51 PM GMT
    1 homosexual relationship
    0 homosexual relationship cheating

    0 heterosexual relationships

    and... define fuck buddy. are we only talking repeat offenders or do hit-and-runs count too?

    also, if i may make an observation -- this poll seems skewed in many strange directions. the primary of which being: this is a site full of gay men. if you're a gay man (or even if you consider yourself bi), it doesn't seem to me that homo-heterosexual relationships would be the same as hetero-heterosexual relationships, at least as far as cheating goes. i'd think that homo-hetero relationships would be FAR more prone to instances of cheating than hetero-hetero or homosexual relationships. so keep that in mind.

    and if i can predict correctly, i'm inclined to think that this thread will turn into a series of posts that can be paraphrased as such: "look how masculine i am, i was in a heterosexual relationship. i have serious issues with being gay." let's avoid that if possible! haha
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 08, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    iconicscooter saidSomething to consider:

    A relationship does only 2 things, moving toward one another or away

    All choices then determine the outcome

    If you're eating a meal are you looking over the menu for other meals?

    Sharing a meal? (Perhaps this is an open-relationship then)

    Sampling meals? (Maybe we call this fuck buddy)

    Each behavior chosen away from a holistic relationship with someone is moving away from the individual

    The holistic relationship is a fully involved desire of focus on another (not dependent but freedom to choose the relationship each and every moment)

    When determining "cheating" one can ask, does flirting move away from the relationship? Does sexualizing other men move away from the relationship? Does porn move away from the relationship?

    If you are NOT free to NOT do any of these behaviors, then the health of the relationship does not exist or exists only at certain levels.

    Health = Freedom. The more you have of one, the more you have of the other.

    Think of the alcoholic who perhaps cannot NOT take a drink, even if the drink is one a day, this wouldn't be freedom.


    5 relationships (more than 4 months each)

    5 cheating (as defined by the above criteria)








    I am assuming those are homosexual relations.


    ..and as for the question.. no one night stands, just regular fuck buddies. Since I didn't answer the fuck buddy question... none here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 10:01 PM GMT
    SpartanJock said
    Wow! Thankfully, you're not asking for total number of sexual relationships. icon_eek.gif


    Ignorant here.icon_redface.gif What's the difference? I though fuck buddies were sexual relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 said
    SpartanJock said
    Wow! Thankfully, you're not asking for total number of sexual relationships. icon_eek.gif


    Ignorant here.icon_redface.gif What's the difference? I though fuck buddies were sexual relationships.


    Well, fuck buddies are someone you go back too in hopes of seconds, one night stands you hope to never see again...