Is there really someone out there for everyone?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 9:57 AM GMT
    It's something that us single people are told all the time ---that there is someone for everyone, but when I read on here how many of you are wanting that one special person and are just not finding him, i find it hard to believe there is someone out there for each of us. Personally, I find it an utterly impossible notion that any man on the face of the Earth will EVER, ever choose me before anyone else, that it is not humanly possible for a man to be atttracted to me to want to be intimate or to spend his life with me at all, other than maybe just a friend. This has always been my experience...'you are a nice guy and there is someone out there for you, but that person is not me'...you get the picture. To me, it is almost a given that I will never even get close to ever losing my virginity let alone actually doing it and even less so with someone who thinks the world of me and I of him. Sorry for being so morose...just in one of those frames of mind I guess. Does anyone else feel this way too?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 4:39 PM GMT
    I'm sure there are lots of people out there for everyone but, considering the size of the planet, there is no guarantee you will find them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 4:48 PM GMT


    I was told that, oh, probably a couple of hundred times back in my single years. It was fine. I'd made it a point to meet as many people as I could, so rather expected.
    As it turned out, eventually, they were right.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 09, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    The first thing you have to do is make yourself available. Start with a profile that is filled out. You're expecting others to do all the work. You've got to put something into it, too.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Dec 09, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    no
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    I would have to say no. Personally, my time has run out so I've resigned myself to this.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Dec 09, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    you always have yourself
    in the words of Oscar Wilde - To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance..
    if you learn to enjoy your own company you will never need anyone again....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    secondstartotheright saidyou always have yourself
    in the words of Oscar Wilde - To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance..
    if you learn to enjoy your own company you will never need anyone again....

    Funny you should write that because I had a strange dream last night where I split myself into Special-John and Hyper-John and the two wanted to get married.
    Maybe I should try that in real life. If that doesn't work, I'll just ask out Freedom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    I believe that there is, at least for people who want someone special. But, unless you have a hopeful attitude and make a good effort, you aren't going to find that person. Lasting love takes hard work and half of that work is in finding it, which requires a lot patience, which in turn is a virtue.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Dec 09, 2013 5:28 PM GMT
    I'd rather wait 5 years for someone who is really meant for me rather than meet a guy tomorrow and become bfs when he is just OK or not truly meant for me
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 09, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    I don't know if I buy into the 'romantic' (magical) thinking that there is some "one" for everyone. I've been in 3 LTRs, remained close friends with the 1st and have outlived the latter 2. I've had these relationships despite not being either super hot, well endowed or rich. I do have some very good qualities but basically I'm just an "average" guy (now an average OLD guy). (Yes, VR, I am also white but I know being single isn't exclusively a racial issue.)

    The question in my mind is, how is it you've gotten to be 42 years old and are still (apparently) a virgin? Clearly there is more going on here than 'not finding *the one*'.

    Destinharbor has it right, you have to be *available* -- and what that means entails a lot of different things on different levels. For example, you have to be willing to put yourself out there--which may mean confronting your fear of doing so; you have to be in or near a RL environment where you *can* put yourself out there--there may be plenty of fish in the sea but if you're nowhere near the shore, let alone out in a boat, that won't help you; you have to be willing and able to take an honest look at yourself--perhaps changing certain things that limit your availability. Etc.

    I don't mean to be rude but, seriously, whining about being lonely and not finding 'the one' isn't going to get you anywhere. What you need to do is a real and as close to objective assessment of yourself and your availability as you can. And believe me, I realize that isn't easy, especially if you have self-worth and self-image issues. When that is the case, our negativity only perpetuates itself and takes us further down the hole of 'NOT AVAILABLE'.

    Sometimes the very first thing we have to do is begin to, if not love, at least LIKE ourselves before we can allow anyone else to do the same.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    Yup there is someone out there for everyone and if your statistically 'really really goodlooking' (zoolander voice) there's more than just one someone ! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI don't know if I buy into the 'romantic' (magical) thinking that there is some "one" for everyone. I've been in 3 LTRs, remained close friends with the 1st and have outlived the latter 2. I've had these relationships despite not being either super hot, well endowed or rich. I do have some very good qualities but basically I'm just an "average" guy (now an average OLD guy). (Yes, VR, I am also white but I know being single isn't exclusively a racial issue.)

    The question in my mind is, how is it you've gotten to be 42 years old and are still (apparently) a virgin? Clearly there is more going on here than 'not finding *the one*'.

    Destinharbor has it right, you have to be *available* -- and what that means entails a lot of different things on different levels. For example, you have to be willing to put yourself out there--which may mean confronting your fear of doing so; you have to be in or near a RL environment where you *can* put yourself out there--there may be plenty of fish in the sea but if you're nowhere near the shore, let alone out in a boat, that won't help you; you have to be willing and able to take an honest look at yourself--perhaps changing certain things that limit your availability. Etc.

    I don't mean to be rude but, seriously, whining about being lonely and not finding 'the one' isn't going to get you anywhere. What you need to do is a real and as close to objective assessment of yourself and your availability as you can. And believe me, I realize that isn't easy, especially if you have self-worth and self-image issues. When that is the case, our negativity only perpetuates itself and takes us further down the hole of 'NOT AVAILABLE'.

    Sometimes the very first thing we have to do is begin to, if not love, at least LIKE ourselves before we can allow anyone else to do the same.


    "there may be plenty of fish in the sea"


    http://www.pof.com/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    I haven't tried either of these, but I suspect

    www.meetup.com

    might produce some results

    I've also been tempted in re the below.

    http://www.christianmingle.com
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:03 PM GMT
    #ForeverAlone icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    Even Hitler had his Eva Braun, so if you ain't got nobody what does that say about you? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Joking! I'm just joking!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:15 PM GMT
    xrichx said#ForeverAlone icon_sad.gif


    Exactly, and I don't even care about gender.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    I believe that most people can find someone. Not quite the same as some one for everyone.

    I think there are several considerations that impact your ability to find a partner/lover/boyfriend/etc.

    1. being attractive (or what society deems attractive) increases your chances significantly.

    2. Having a great personality helps. This includes being likeable, outgoing, kind, etc.

    3. Taking care of yourself is important. In other words, be the best person you can be. exercise, eat healthy, practice good grooming techniques, etc.

    4. Learn to love yourself. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that is emotionally healthy.

    5. basically, be the best person you can be.

    If you are out of shape, practice poor grooming and health care habits and have a crappy personality, finding someone will be very difficult.

    Also, men in general are very visual, Gay men in particular. So frankly, being in the shape of your life won't hurt.

    Based on my experience, when I'm at by best, in great shape and feeling confident, I had no problems attracting guys. I think the vast majority of guys someone if they take care of themselves first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidI'm sure there are lots of people out there for everyone but, considering the size of the planet, there is no guarantee you will find them.


    well said!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    xrichx said#ForeverAlone icon_sad.gif


    Exactly, and I don't even care about gender.


    What about age?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    I think I stay in pretty decent shape for someone as elderly as me.

    I think the thing that cause me more problem than anything else are my hobbies and musical tastes, which the latter is really really important to me. Finding that compatibility has proven illusive. My tastes are pretty whacked out I will admit. None of the pieces fit as I'm all over the place.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3575278
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidYup there is someone out there for everyone and if your statistically 'really really goodlooking' (zoolander voice) there's more than just one someone ! icon_lol.gif

    This statement openly promotes cheating icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    freedomisntfree said
    xrichx said#ForeverAlone icon_sad.gif


    Exactly, and I don't even care about gender.


    What about age?


    Of what I consider my two best buddies, one is 19 and the other 79 so that's a pretty wide range too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    I really amazes me how many guys suffer the same cinderella/princess syndome that girls/women do - waiting for pronce charming to charging in on his white steed and whisk them away to a happily ever after. As most have already said you have to make yourself available and expect a human being with imperfections and not some ideal that nobody is capable of fulfilling.

    YOU have to go out there and be that SOMEONE for SOMEBODY.

    As an aside: I'd hate to have to be the someONE for EVERYone! I mean I have A high sex drive and all but I don't think I can keep up with everybody!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 09, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    UndercoverMan said
    freedomisntfree said
    xrichx said#ForeverAlone icon_sad.gif


    Exactly, and I don't even care about gender.


    What about age?


    Of what I consider my two best buddies, one is 19 and the other 79 so that's a pretty wide range too.


    Buddies ain't lovers.