Thinking of joining a fraternity...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 7:48 PM GMT
    Hey fellas. I'm a freshman at my University and I'm considering whether or not I should join a fraternity in the spring. A couple things about me are that I'm not out and I don't drink. But I've been doing some continuous recruitment dinners with one of the fraternities on campus (Delta Sig) and am learning a little more about greek life. Do u guys have any advice to give about going through this consideration process?
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Dec 08, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    I might suggest visiting as many Fraternities as you can, beginning now. Many houses will have informal rush throughout the year (for Kappa Sigma, rush is 365 days a year icon_smile.gif ). This will allow you to find guys that have similar interests as you.

    Don't let your sexual orientation hold you back from looking around. It's not the only thing that defines who you are. However, there will be some houses more accepting than others.

    Alcohol is not more common in Fraternities than it is on campus as a whole. This is even more so now with the current push to have dry campuses, including all student organizations. The only thing that will limit you on this issue is how the Fraternities you are looking view drinking. Some houses don't really care, some houses suggest drinking more, and still others don't drink at all.

    Personal plug: Kappa Sigma has a lot to offer. Philanthropy, Academics, Brotherhood, Leadership to name some. http://www.kappasigma.org/ For more information. icon_biggrin.gif

    Good luck, and have fun!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 8:59 PM GMT
    they are all filled with gay boys (most in the closet), UT Austin has the best looking ones, i think. anyway, join up, but just dont join in when they get drunk and act stupid. also, join the one with the hottest guys, you WILL have sex with some of them...drunken or otherwise, so at least hook up with the hottest ones you can.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    msw1 saidthey are all filled with gay boys (most in the closet), UT Austin has the best looking ones, i think. anyway, join up, but just dont join in when they get drunk and act stupid. also, join the one with the hottest guys, you WILL have sex with some of them...drunken or otherwise, so at least hook up with the hottest ones you can.


    Your college should hire you as a recruiter icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    Just make sure you're joining for the right reasons. If you're doing it for the brotherhood, the community service, and the social opportunities, great.

    If you're doing it to prove your masculinity, you'd be best off saving all your effort in that department for the introspection required to come to terms with your sexuality in a healthy way.

    Also, if I can recommend one way to spend your college life, it's to come out and have fun being gay BEFORE you have to start a life in the real world. I've seen so many gay adults fuck up their lives because they didn't have a healthy adolescent sexual/social life. Now is your time to have one and not have to worry about the responsibilities of adulthood. Ideally, you can do this and also join a frat, but only if you're doing it for the right reasons (and join the right frat). A good friend of mine was openly gay and the president of his fraternity.

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:23 PM GMT
    I was president of my Fraternity and I didn't drink at all. In fact, the only time I ever drank at a fraternity event was my rush party. First and last time. I just don't like alcohol that much.

    Like one poster has said, join if you want brotherhood, community service, and if you generally like the crop of guys you see at those recruitment events.

    Don't join because you think you have to.

    Nonetheless, I loved it. Also remember though that it is a financial commitment.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 08, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    I would suggest calling it a Fraternity to begin with. The term Frat often comes with negative connotations and stereotypes.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:35 PM GMT
    I was in a fraternity at the Univ. of Virginia, a bastion of good times, beautiful people and historic places. I joined for the brotherhood, companionship, and a sense of place in a big university. I was in the closet -- until one of my frat brothers came onto me at a party. He was handsome, popular, athletic, smart, fit -- and, I came to find out, hung. He was a mentor to me for about 2 years, and encouraged me to move to DC to meet other like-minded men. I didn't do that. I got married, had three kids and a great life. But I never forgot the mentoring he offered to me, and have tried to mentor other young men, in doing what I said, not what I did. I agree, it's now much easier and overall much healthier to come out sooner. People in general are much more accepting, especially that generation, and you can find your niche without the fear of being outed, as I eventually was...

    I often wonder where I'd be if I'd followed his advice. My best years are, in some ways, behind me. But when I hear from young men looking for the mentoring and training in how to be good gay men, I realize that my best years may be ahead of me.

    Who knows.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    BoardRider53 saidI would suggest calling it a Fraternity to begin with. The term Frat often comes with negative connotations and stereotypes.

    Plus you will offend a lot of Fraternity guys who hate that word.

    You don't say cunt for country.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    one of my biggest regrets was waiting to rush until my Junior year.

    the Brothers had encouraged me during my Freshman year, and I didn't think that a fraternity was right for me.

    some of my closest friends, even 10 years from college and with thousands of miles separating us, are my brothers.

  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 08, 2008 10:11 PM GMT
    msw1 saidthey are all filled with gay boys (most in the closet), UT Austin has the best looking ones, i think. anyway, join up, but just dont join in when they get drunk and act stupid. also, join the one with the hottest guys, you WILL have sex with some of them...drunken or otherwise, so at least hook up with the hottest ones you can.


    ... and what Fraternity guarantees gay sex exactly? icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2008 10:36 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the responses guys.

    One thing I want to mention is that the reason I am looking to join one is so that I can have a group of guys that I'm close with. I've been here at my university for a semester already, and though I've made some good friends, there are none that I'm really close with right now. I guess I'm sorta just trying to find a place where I can feel like I fit in.
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Dec 08, 2008 10:44 PM GMT
    Pinny said
    BoardRider53 saidI would suggest calling it a Fraternity to begin with. The term Frat often comes with negative connotations and stereotypes.

    Plus you will offend a lot of Fraternity guys who hate that word.

    You don't say cunt for country.


    LOL, I can't believe that is still said!!! I don't take offense to having fraternity shortened to frat. Afterall, I refer to my family as 'the fam' on occassion. icon_biggrin.gif For some can be an endearment.
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Dec 08, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    SpartanJock saidI might suggest visiting as many Fraternities as you can, beginning now. Many houses will have informal rush throughout the year (for Kappa Sigma, rush is 365 days a year icon_smile.gif ). This will allow you to find guys that have similar interests as you.

    Don't let your sexual orientation hold you back from looking around. It's not the only thing that defines who you are. However, there will be some houses more accepting than others.

    Alcohol is not more common in Fraternities than it is on campus as a whole. This is even more so now with the current push to have dry campuses, including all student organizations. The only thing that will limit you on this issue is how the Fraternities you are looking view drinking. Some houses don't really care, some houses suggest drinking more, and still others don't drink at all.

    Personal plug: Kappa Sigma has a lot to offer. Philanthropy, Academics, Brotherhood, Leadership to name some. http://www.kappasigma.org/ For more information. icon_biggrin.gif

    Good luck, and have fun!


    Good way to get your rush on Brother! icon_biggrin.gif


    Kappa Sigma also doesn't tolerate hazing at all. Plus, they are very open to gay people. Gay bashing was not tolerated at our house either.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 08, 2008 10:48 PM GMT
    I think you need to ask yourself why you're joining and what you're looking to get out of it. Let's face it, with many (most?) fraternities, I'd say that if you don't drink now you will soon. And I'm not a big fan of closets, so I'd say many frats are not conducive to gays. Or at least not closets. Are you going to pretend to date/sleep with women to get the guys off your back?

    I think there are good reasons to join a frat. And I think there are good frats to join. Definitely look to the more socially conscious and humanitarian frats at your school. There are those that are doing great work in their communities and drinking is not big on the priority list.

    Whether you think you might come out or not, I'd look to see what their attitude towards gays are. Do they have any openly gay members? You can maybe call the undergrad gay group on campus to see if they can make recommendations, though it may still be the case where frats and gay groups have a somewhat adversarial relationship. You might be able to call or email the frat council to find which are the most progressive. Because, even if you don't expect to come out, you need to ask yourself what might happen if you do. These guys are supposed to be your brothers. Are they going to be with you regardless, or are they going to be douchebags?

    Definitely do your research!
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Dec 08, 2008 10:49 PM GMT
    SpartanJock said
    Pinny said
    BoardRider53 saidI would suggest calling it a Fraternity to begin with. The term Frat often comes with negative connotations and stereotypes.

    Plus you will offend a lot of Fraternity guys who hate that word.

    You don't say cunt for country.


    LOL, I can't believe that is still said!!! I don't take offense to having fraternity shortened to frat. Afterall, I refer to my family as 'the fam' on occassion. icon_biggrin.gif For some can be an endearment.


    Yes, some people do get offended by the word, "Frat". We say it at our house when we are joking around and acting stupid and purposely acting like douche bags, then we say, "I'm such a frat boy!" or whatever. haha

    I don't like the way it sounds personally. So I never use it, but I don't get offended.
  • luvs2travel

    Posts: 94

    Dec 09, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    msw1 saidthey are all filled with gay boys (most in the closet), UT Austin has the best looking ones, i think. anyway, join up, but just dont join in when they get drunk and act stupid. also, join the one with the hottest guys, you WILL have sex with some of them...drunken or otherwise, so at least hook up with the hottest ones you can.


    great advice
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 2:18 AM GMT
    board...
    well, the gay bars in austin have always been filled with them, so the chances are pretty high...of getting laid