Do you have a "coming out "plan or strategy ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    Some people are already out and some have been accepted and some haven't been accepted at all

    So Since I'm somewhat dependent on my parents in terms of Financial support for things such as University fees etc .I have kinda figured it would be best coming out when I have moved out ,Finished studying and have a professional career just in case in turns really bad or I get kicked out of home .

    Dad isn't as religious as Mum but that's my plan just be on the safe side .like personally my sexuality is not that much of big deal for me and I sorta dislike it when my Gf's make it seems huge

    "girl you wanna go shopping ?etc " lol typical straight girl stuff

    Like im just gay not the Easter bunny's half child like ....

    Do you have a "coming out "plan or strategy ?
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    Dec 11, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    theresa-o.gif

    flip the dinner table if coming out go wrong.
  • prototype

    Posts: 194

    Dec 11, 2013 6:27 AM GMT
    Each person I told I said "give it a week and if you have anything to say, tell me in a week".

    Everything was positive and everyone who didn't accept it no longer contacted me. So it was fairly easy but when they asked me about being gay they made real thought-out questions which was great.

    I gave them time to compose themselves and me as well and it worked out.

    ...just a thought! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 11, 2013 8:57 AM GMT
    Out to my friends and family. Came out and nobody has any problems or had any problem to begin with..
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 11, 2013 1:40 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said^^^If that's really true, you need better (and different) friends.


    The people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care. If your friends reject you, they were never your friends to begin with. Period.
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    Dec 11, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    I came out to my family when I was 15. I was very confused and noticeably depressed. They were always asking whats wrong and saying how I am acting differently, until one day I just blurted it out. They were shocked, didnt accept it at first, but then they came around. Even though they told me they did not support this when I first told them, I asked if they were going to kick me out and they thought I was crazy for asking.
    We are a very close family and even though they don't like that Im gay, they want me to be happy and will always love me.
    I think if you and your family are very close, they will not kick you out of your home. (I come from a religious home also.) They will not like it at first but they DO love you and WILL come around.

    As for my friends... Ive told a bunch of girls and no one has a problem with it, obviously. I told a close guy friend and we still talk but aren't that close anymore. Im scared to tell my other guy friends but I know one day it will happen, and the way I see it, if a preference really makes that much of a difference to them, we clearly weren't as close as I thought we were and I don't need them in my life.

    Come out to your family! The feeling you get of the weight coming off of your shoulders is amazing!

    Goodluck
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    Dec 11, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    Came out at 19 to my friends, family, co-workers. Just recently came out on Facebook with a picture of me and my boyfriend.

    I've gained nothing but overwhelming love and support from everyone. The people who have cared weren't my friends to begin with so it doesn't bother me in the slightest! I'm super happy :-)
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    Dec 11, 2013 5:55 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Aristoshark said^^^If that's really true, you need better (and different) friends.


    The people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care. If your friends reject you, they were never your friends to begin with. Period.


    Not sure that I buy this statement. It's like saying that if your parents reject you then they weren't your parents to begin with.

    I think it can be painful to be rejected by people who have been an important part of your life for many years. We can't be caviler about loosing friends or family. I know of one guys who was ostracized by his family after they found out he was gay. There isn't always a happy ending to coming out. I think each person has to weigh the consequences and come out in his own time.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 11, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    nope when i am ready. i will be ready
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    Dec 11, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    lol. didnt know i needed oneicon_confused.gif
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    Dec 11, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    EchelonHaze saidSome people are already out and some have been accepted and some haven't been accepted at all

    So Since I'm somewhat dependent on my parents in terms of Financial support for things such as University fees etc .I have kinda figured it would be best coming out when I have moved out ,Finished studying and have a professional career just in case in turns really bad or I get kicked out of home .

    Dad isn't as religious as Mum but that's my plan just be on the safe side .like personally my sexuality is not that much of big deal for me and I sorta dislike it when my Gf's make it seems huge

    "girl you wanna go shopping ?etc " lol typical straight girl stuff

    Like im just gay not the Easter bunny's half child like ....

    Do you have a "coming out "plan or strategy ?


    In answer to your question I am doing exactly the same thing as you. I am going to wait until I graduate from university and have a full time job to support myself, to come out. My parents are homophobic (given the comments I have heard from them) but they pay for my university. I have no idea how they will react to be honest. They might be completely supportive given that I am their son or they might disown me. I think that their reaction will probably be in the middle of these two options but since the option exists that they might cut me financially I am not willing to take that risk just so they know the truth. Eventually they will find out once I am in a position to support myself.
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    Dec 11, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    Having being out by the time I was six, meant one was not old enough to have formed any such plan, only straightforward truth, and OMG did I pay for it, being in the mid 1960s.

    In fact a bisexual, not a gay had been molesting me; if I had of been a girl it would of been rape. When this come to light because of my open truthfulness. All hell was to break loos. sadly it was I who payed for it more than my perpetrator, because I did not then see what wrong in what he got me to do. being born a Bonafide Homosexual, must of meant that even from a young age it felt right, and I was to defend that no matter what they did to me.

    But I now get to look back on my life with absolute pride, knowing I had the balls to do what I did, at such a young age, where grown men said nothing. In fact I was to even stand by and fight to even protect my porpatrator, and how I paid for that for not standing down.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 11, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    In this day and age, in this country, you're a weenie if you don't come out immediately after you graduate school. And you'll be unhappy with yourself until you do. It's just not that big a deal anymore. It may cost you some in some ways but at least you're in control of your life, not hiding in shadows.
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    Dec 13, 2013 1:05 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidIn this day and age, in this country, you're a weenie if you don't come out immediately after you graduate school. And you'll be unhappy with yourself until you do. It's just not that big a deal anymore. It may cost you some in some ways but at least you're in control of your life, not hiding in shadows.


    If someone comes out because you personally believe they should, who is really in control? Certainly not the one who is quilted or shamed into coming out.

    I'm in control because I make my decisions based on what will work for me. Not someone else's opinion of what will work for me.

    Everyone's situation is different. I wouldn't pretend to make a general statement suggesting that an individual does what I personally think is correct. That's tantamount to me trying to control the lives of others.
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    Dec 27, 2013 8:49 PM GMT
    I told my parents.... they told me not to tell others for now, for very similar reasons. They want to make sure Im on my own two feet and have my masters so that if people don't accept me for it, I will still be able to support myself no matter where i am. I felt pretty pissed when they told me to not tell anyone because it basically came out to me as "we don't want others knowing we have a gay son"... But I listen to them because I depend on them completely financially. Like you, my sexuality is not a huge deal and I can keep it separate from my home life. I think the plan you got works, as long as you have some sort of outlet.
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    Dec 27, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    I planned on telling my parents over holiday break but it just didn't happen. I went out to eat with my parents and planned on telling them there ... but it just didn't feel right. My dad was being really cranky / rude to the waiter. I decided that location wasn't the best spot.

    I had opportunities to tell them at home ... but I just decided the timing wasn't right. I kind of feel like if I was in a relationship I'd have more reason to tell them, but I don't right now.

    Either way ... I'm in the boat where I'm 95% certain they know, but just hasn't been talked about officially.
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    Dec 27, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    I figured I'd come out with an erection and stick it in my dad's mouth, if that's what you mean.