Psychopaths

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    http://huff.to/1f5AhNC

    Anyone have any experiences with guys who have these traits? I know someone who's like this. Psychopathic in the charming, easy way. The most dangerous.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 11, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    Got a 404 on yer link there MCB.

    But the answer is *probably* yes.
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    Dec 11, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    Link fixed. Share your stories!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 11, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidFunny but probably true, such as points 5 and 8!

    Actually not funny and definitely true.

    My most recent x (we're talking over a decade ago, understand) definitely had many of those qualities; 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9. 2 & 5 in particular! Other's not listed that showed up included: "Running Away" (literally disappearing for days & eventually weeks at a time); "Cutting" (scratching words & symbols in his skin with knives & razor blades); "Can't Get Enough" (which could be anything from sex to drugs to money). Many more, too, but I seriously don't want to think about it *too much* at the moment.

    Suffice it to say it was love at first sight. I mean bolts of lightening shot across a crowded back yard full of gay guys that we both experienced before we even spoke to one another. Although he approached me right after that 'spark', I put him off for over a month because my previous partner had just passed away from a brain tumor only 3 months before. After that month, though, his charming self would not take 'no' for an answer and we began dating. I will say this: It was intense, passionate and hot and eventually almost drove me over the edge. So much so I've not been in any kind of relationship since because a part of me doesn't trust I won't do *that* kind of thing again.

    Someday maybe I'll write the novel it is worthy of.
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    Dec 11, 2013 5:18 PM GMT
    There's quite a few of these guys online, on this forum. It's a relatively safe place for them to get away with their nonsense. Many of the manipulative types likely have some sort of pathology they deal with.

    I've an adopted nephew with some sort of pathology, most noticeable in his lying, making things up for no apparent reason. He'll argue with you the color of the sky. Brain studies (not of him) show it similar to autism only by a reverse disproportion of white/grey matter. Just as the autistic have trouble comprehending falsehoods, these guys have trouble with truth. There's as yet no known cure. Very difficult to handle.

    And I had an abusive cousin in my life who was one of my closest friends until her final betrayal. I knew it the entire time but I allowed for it because I loved her so that entwined me in an abusive relationship. I didn't realize how damaging it was until it ended. And now it is taking me years to recover.

    You can't avoid them entirely. They are everywhere. At work I had a pathological liar of a receptionist who I didn't discover until I was there about a year. My cousin was put into my life by our parents. My adopted nephew was born to my brother's 2nd wife.

    So they just wind up in your life. I was just discussing this with my brother last week. It makes his life so tough. They don't know what to do. There's no real answer to it. I said to him, well, at least it makes life interesting.
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    Dec 11, 2013 5:30 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said

    of course, there's a few on this web forum but you'll never know though.

    and not everybody that has a symptom of sociopathy is a sociopath. hell, everybody has a symptom of some mental illness but they don't exactly have it. pathological liars aren't exactly sociopaths. i know one too.


    You yourself might not always know it but that doesn't mean someone else might not be able to see it.

    The OP did not specify a pathology. Most often people use psychopathy as a generalized term and precisely because many have a soup of psychology as you suggest.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 11, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    I once dated a psychopath. I still see him from time to time. His life is in tatters, but I don't pity him. He scares me, especially when he's trying to be charming. I've warned others about him, but some people just keep falling for him. He's responsible for spreading HIV, and people have literally committed suicide over him. He's been to prison, but people keep trying to rehabilitate him, even though he'll rob anyone blind. I once visited him in the hospital when he was supposedly on his deathbed, but he recovered. Strangely, he does a lot for the community, like volunteer and promote good causes. But behind his good deeds he is a positively horrific human being.
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    Dec 11, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    thebearerofbadnews said...have you ever read that book...

    ...i bought that book for my mother trying to make her wake up and smell the coffee dealing with my father. if there's one thing that i learned, some people are stubborn and beyond reach....

    ...it makes no sense to stick around with someone who's like that or has a similar personality quirk. they'll NEVER change....

    ...and it's true when they say that their traits can rub off onto their offspring. my brother and me sadly have some of his traits...

    to be honest with you, he's one of the reasons why i'm very angry and am really reluctant to date...


    No, didn't read the book. I prefer getting my information first hand. haha.

    Hadn't my psychopathic cousin become incomprehensibly abusive right as I mourned my mom, betraying me literally on my way to the cemetery (and at that time I was not just mourning the loss of my mother but also of my partner and even my dog, all dying concurrently--as if that alone wouldn't knock me for shit), I'd have remained her friend and helped her along life (invite her into my family life, help her with her personal issues, etc) as was my history and as I was able.

    She's the one who destroyed that. I don't throw away the people in my life. Not even the pains in the ass. That's now my brother and sil's issue. They have this kid and they try to give him all the tools required to be as independent as possible but the havoc he creates is dreadful. Who knows if he might hurt himself. Or God forbid someone else so you can't just throw him out into the world. Yet keeping him around gets hairy too. He's of age so you can't tell him what to do, society won't put him away as he hasn't hurt anyone. And you'd feel guilty as hell if he did.

    Not all of life is happy. Sometimes we are confronted with these types of no win situations. From there we decide, based upon our own make up how to handle that. And that's telling of our own lives, of what sort of person we are.

    And even as they affect us--being damaged by trusting makes it tough to trust--you must keep in mind that the situation could have been anything, that we ourselves ultimately are responsible for our own reactions. So while you might have some genetic chemistry passed down--and I suspect you do though you seem high functioning and that's why I've said numerous times that you should seek professional help to give you that edge to get over that edge--you can neither blame anyone for that (though I blame mom for my arthritis, but only in fun) nor do you favor yourself by shrugging off the responsibility for your own life.

    He rubbed off on you? No dear. That's only how you became black (RJ racism home free all). Most of your other traits are all your own doing. Don't let them be your undoing.
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    Dec 11, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    Actually, the line between Psychotics and Geniuses is staggering. Most of these are actually tendencies of those with high IQ's.

    Although some behaviors will point toward which one the person leans toward most.
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    Dec 11, 2013 8:11 PM GMT
    Someone posted this link earlier. He has a free pdf book you can download.

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    Dec 11, 2013 8:18 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidActually, the line between Psychotics and Geniuses is staggering. Most of these are actually tendencies of those with high IQ's.

    Although some behaviors will point toward which one the person leans toward most.


    Though someone might be dealing with numerous conditions, one is not the other.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201103/psychotic-is-not-the-same-psychopathic

    "Psychosis is an umbrella term to describe the mental state of losing touch with reality. A number of things can cause psychosis, from schizophrenia to depression to sleep deprivation.

    Psychopathy, is a personality disorder which consists of a lack of empathy, impulsivity, recklessness, scrupulousness, callousness, and lying.
    "

    So certainly what you say is not applicable to all of psychopathy and here's a quickly googled study on that http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23551975 though you can have highly intelligent people with personality disorder.

    And someone can use that to their advantage. A narcissist might go into show biz. A sociopath might become a CEO.

    My nephew in school got A's or F's. It was real obvious something was going on. He can do the work when he wants to, but the disorder might prevent improvements beyond a point certain.

    He's a smart kid in some respects but he gets stuck. I noticed it real clearly when he was in high school. We were discussing space travel and he couldn't understand that someone would weigh more on a larger planet, insisting that we'd weigh more on Mars than on Earth.

    Even after reminding him of images of jump floating on the moon, once he had it in his head that people are heavier on Mars than on Earth, nothing could show him otherwise.

    Some things, many personality disorders, psychiatry simply can't yet fix--they're structural, physical problems--whereas the psychosis & schizophrenia stuff often can be successfully treated or controlled. As to the correlation you note, here's a quick google on that

    http://www.livescience.com/20713-genius-madness-connected.html
    Kay Redfield Jamison, a clinical psychologist and professor at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, said the findings of some 20 or 30 scientific studies endorse the notion of the "tortured genius." Of the many varieties of psychosis, creativity appears to be most strongly linked to mood disorders, and especially bipolar disorder
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    Dec 11, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    For me, worse than psychopaths are what some call manipulative control freaks.

    The control freak part of the term manipulative control freak is sort of a misnomer. It's a person who needs to always win, get their way, or be on top in power situations (in all cases, when it matters to them). And they'll be manipulative, dishonest, and scheming to get their way. Especially manipulative.

    I'm not sure I've ever had to deal with a psychopath. I've definitely experienced manipulative control freaks.

    This is a good book on manipulative control freaks, although he calls them character disordered, where character means moral character.

    http://goo.gl/1ocWlY
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    Dec 11, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    I got a few minutes into that vid. I didn't know we're supposed to sensationalize psychology.

    I found particularly idiotic at about 2 minutes in where the narrator's talking about empathy whereupon he declares psychopaths to be not human. And he wasn't kidding.

    I certainly consider my cousin to be a bit of a narcissistic monster. But it would not be very empathetic of me to denounce her as nonhuman. She's at least a hybrid, a humonster.

    If I'm absolutely empathic, then how would I be capable even of self defense? If someone was hell bent on destroying this country but if I could feel every pain of all my enemy then how could I fight him?

    So where do you draw the line between actually relating to emotion and the mimicry of that. Does that person feel that emotion during that so-called mimicry?

    That vid points out some obvious things, anyone should know, but seems to me that generally it way over simplifies the issues, turning it into a cartoon to sell. The small amount I watched I thought ridiculous.
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    Dec 11, 2013 11:47 PM GMT
    OMG YES! The last guy I was talking too.. haha

    Good thing I ended that thing before my only way out......................................................................... Was Death! icon_eek.gif

    icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 12, 2013 4:47 AM GMT
    Short version. A guy offers to buy me a drink. I decline and give no further thought. Next morning I find him passed out in my back yard. Eventually he broke into my house stole my coats, bikes, and the tv remote. Left the U-Haul receipt. I call police. He tells them we were lovers and that I kicked him out. Promised to return anything not his. Emptied my checking account, stole my mail, changed my phone number, sugared my gas tank, blah blah blah. He tormented me for 6 years. Eventually he got arrested and called me from jail and threatened to kill me. Yes on the jail phone with the sheriff as witness. He went to jail I moved to Colorado. If I see him again well....

    Some people should be stamped with a warning like poison.
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    Dec 12, 2013 5:09 AM GMT
    I have the protective order to prove it.

    None of what I had to go through to obtain it was fun.

    I am a survivor.
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    Dec 12, 2013 3:07 PM GMT
    MCB_ saidhttp://huff.to/1f5AhNC

    Anyone have any experiences with guys who have these traits?


    If there's anyone out there who has never experienced another person who was a psycho, then they must be living in a cave. There are tons of psychos out there! They're easy to find!
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    Dec 12, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    JimiB saidShort version. A guy offers to buy me a drink. I decline and give no further thought. Next morning I find him passed out in my back yard. Eventually he broke into my house stole my coats, bikes, and the tv remote. Left the U-Haul receipt. I call police. He tells them we were lovers and that I kicked him out. Promised to return anything not his. Emptied my checking account, stole my mail, changed my phone number, sugared my gas tank, blah blah blah. He tormented me for 6 years. Eventually he got arrested and called me from jail and threatened to kill me. Yes on the jail phone with the sheriff as witness. He went to jail I moved to Colorado. If I see him again well....

    Some people should be stamped with a warning like poison.

    That's pretty fucked up icon_eek.gif
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    Dec 12, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
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    Dec 13, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    Yes, I've known one or two people like that. I shiver when I think back about knowing them.
    I had a friend at work once where people would do anything in order to be his friend. It was unsettling for me because I knew there could be no friend or lover I could have that he couldn't take away from me. He had such power over people. The office hated me for being the closest to him. The scariest part was that he really enjoyed when people fought over him. We had a big argument over it and thank God we went our separate ways.
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    Dec 13, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    ^Oh! My favorite video!
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    Dec 14, 2013 1:42 AM GMT
    Is there forgiveness for psychopaths?

    Suppose you had a friend in a wheelchair. He goes off balance and you help lift him up. Then while ice fishing, you fell in. Your friend couldn't get you out. You're eventually saved by someone else but damaged. Wouldn't you forgive him for not being able to help when you were in trouble? Wouldn't you assure him that he was not at fault because he simply was unable?

    Suppose you were gay and finally came out to your str8 friends. Wouldn't you expect them to forgive you for living that lie for so long?

    Now suppose you have some sort of psychopathy. You are structurally damaged but the damage isn't necessarily visible. It's in the brain. You develop a friendship, say, with a generous person who enjoys helping others. That works just fine because you love the attention and they love giving attention. Now something happens to that person so that the relationship is tested. Some love is diverted. The psychopathy kicks in because needs (having that invisible wheelchair pushed) are no longer being met.

    The psychopath comes out of the closet in full force.

    Forgiveness?