GETTING EVEN...(How would you address a get even-letter to the ex-boyfriend?)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 1:01 AM GMT
    How would you address a letter to the ex- who taught you something? Would you address it to him if he were good to you or if he were bad to you? Me, I would address a specific one to the last fool who chose to be a squirrel chasing nuts, pun intended.

    Well, here's the letter for that ex-bf...

    Warning: The advertisement before you is brought to you by the following statement: The Way It Is, It Is What It Is & I Tell It Like It Is, followed by the letters S, C, R, W & the vowels E, O, U & sometimes Y. It is not for the spineless or for those who love to take cop-outs to avoid hearing the truth. Viewer discretion is advised.



    Dear Loser,

    Yes, you, the last scrub that I gave MY time to. I should have kept in mind that you weren't all that & a bag of chips by the way that you had your picture posted on that tired & tried whack-ass site, talking about, well, correction, had me convinced that you're looking for a relationship. You even stated that you didn't want to post up a face pic because you claimed to not be photogenic, no matter how many pictures you took. I should've came to a conclusion & dropped you the moment that you told me you had guys lined up around the corner to jump on your d&*k. However, I laid up with you (I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking!) & I don't see how ANYONE in their right mind can or would want to lay up with you. You called yourself trying to hurt my feelings by saying that I sucker punched some of the competition by telling them with the boxing gloves on to back off. Silly me. That & your friend, she's just as fake as she described me. She smiled in my face & dissed, as well as tore into me behind my back, typical behavior of a true fag hag who likes drama. If you were to be the tell it like it is kind of guy, you should've just left me alone the moment you realised that I wasn't gonna put out with you. The reason I didn't put out with you is simply because, in my eyes, you were already getting it on the side but you kept running to my beck and call, as if I was gonna drop my guard & give you a little. It's a shame that you had to beg me to give a little neck to you & it made me even more sick to my stomach when you touched me. What really got to me is that you had the NERVE to complain about me being a cold fish with you behind closed doors but being all over you in public. Since you made it your choice to never talk to me again, you go ahead & take care of getting your nuts off & I will continue to do what I do best: Taking care of me & making sure that I get ahead with my goals & plans. There's nothing more sad than seeing a grown man push 40 & the only thing he's worried about is getting a nut. Correction, nothing more sad than seeing a grown man push 40 & he doesn't have his shit together, let alone in the right places. You continue to chase nuts & I'll chase my dreams. When it's all said & done, you never really earned the title of ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend is one who gave, like his counterpart & all you ever did was take. You simply earned the title, aptly put, A Lesson Learned. Come to think of it, I'm going to try to make 2009, as well as the remainder of 2008, my year to happen. I'll be ready to give you that serving of humble pie right after you have your serving of crow. We will see who comes out on top in the New Year to come. Until then, you enjoy doing what you do best & I'll sleep good at night.

    Signed,

    TheWayItIs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 5:43 AM GMT

    Dear CB,

    You were my first. I was 23 and cruising the internet because I didn't want to take a chance of hooking up with any one from school or work. I was very closeted. I was so clean cut then, no plaid; I used to wear those striped polo shirts and starched khakis with a pleated front. I was stalky and had the most immature face. I looked like a little boy, a little boy with an action figure body, so strong on the outside, but so weak and unhappy on the inside.

    I had known I was gay for years and had been keeping myself basically a prisoner. You messaged me and I told you all that. You said to stop being scared, that there weren't nothing wrong with me and that you could show me what sex with a man was all about. I won't deny I wanted it that night, but I gave you the run around for months. You knew you'd captured my interest. I wonder if you knew I burned for you. I loved your confidence, like the way you described yourself, "I'm white, I got blue eyes, I live in a double wide...I ain't no pretty boy, but I'm plenty nuff man fer you."

    You were so rugged and unrefined, that's what really turned me on about you. I love that sort of unabashed lack of sophistication in a man. I guess because I'm such a goodie two shoes.

    I finally agreed to visit, imagine my surprise when the Taxi pulled up to an Alcohal Treatment Facility. I'd love to say I was unhappy about that, but when I thought about how you might be unshaven and smell like cheap whiskey, it really caused a stir in my trouser fronts.

    When I skulked around to the lodging area and saw you, you were that RedNeck god I expected. You had an unevenly shaved head with a huge scar running across one side, a copper colored mustache, and ofcourse, painted on jeans with a Skoll outline in the back right pocket. You were clapping a pack of cigarettes and through your half buttoned Kansas Chief's jacket I could see your hot farmer's tan. You spoke with a thick rural accent, "You ain't gonna play no games." You smiled real big, all yer teeth weren't there, but it was the most handsome and genuine smile I've ever seen. Your Boxer greeted us at the door, very well kept animal, well groomed, which is more than I can say about you. You looked so wild, sizing me up, taking those deep puffs offa yer cigarette.

    You put up yer dog and came back, you put these two hard weather beaten hands on me. We got undressed and except for your satin hot pepper underpants you were naked and had pitched the biggest tent I could have hoped to see, you being my first and all. X rated details aside, you treated me to the hottest most sensual sex. For such a hard man, you were so soft and accomadating. I was so nervous but you displayed that same unwavering confidence. You controlled me and I liked it. Our time together ended with a big hug and a promise that I'd return ASAP.

    I got home. I was filled with sunshine and hearts, I was happier than I had been in years. The next morning when I woke up, the guilt hit and a complete meltdown followed. You kept trying to contact me and I remained dispondent. I couldn't deal that I was gay, that I had felt so good with you, and that I was so comfortable being submissive. I thought that if I had to be gay, I atleast should be the dominant one. I couldn't face that I liked being overpowered by you and that I was a bottom. I stayed that way for weeks and when I finally made it back to you, graduation day was coming and you were leaving, completely clean and sober. You said you couldn't deal with a guy that was so unwieldy and that one day I'd grow up and learn to be okay with it. You were a bit angry, but I know you really meant that stuff you said.

    You walked away and ever since I have been working on becoming a more confident person and I've gotten rid of all those old insecurities about a bottom not being manly; I feel even more manly because I am one these days. Actually, I'm vers leaning toward bottom, but that mostly only means: I'm a bottom. I still remember your rough stubble rubbing across my lips, you called that a kiss. I remember your laugh and your confusion and anger that I couldn't just relax and enjoy how you made me feel.

    I can now. I thought you were so awful because of what you made me realize about myself, those facts were most unwelcome. Now, I really am glad you were my first. I'm sorry the way I treated you, but I know if I search around here and in Altus or OKC, I might bump into you again. I bet we won't even fuck, probably just laugh (fuck).

    Sincerely, JS

    P.S. Stay sober.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:07 AM GMT
    i wouldn't. my ex's are dead to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:38 AM GMT
    Wouldn't brushing it off and moving on be the more mature thing to do? C'mon, guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:57 AM GMT
    The saying goes hell hath no fury like that of a woman, unless, it's a gay fairy.

    This is one of those things that is amazing about gay folks. The descendsion into infantile behavior, as demonstrated daily in these forums.

    I,I,I,me,me,me. Lies, name calling, personal insults, fake pics, lies about fake pics, poor, poor, me, the lashing out.

    If you dump someone, just move on. CHRIST. There's 7 BILLION folks in the world. Spend your energies in a positive direction instead of forever pleading the victim in a self-absorbed, self-centered, melodrama. Start acting like men instead of tear jerking 10 year olds.

    Lost a job? Get a new one. Meet a jerk? Find a new friend. Tired of being tiny? Eat and lift. Hurt by the boyfriend? Find a new one. Have some skinny gay guy lashing out at you because you weigh twice more than him? Put him on ignore. Scared to go to the gym? Get up and go, and meet some folks, and make some friends. Feeling hurt because someone told you to get up and help yourself? Get with the program and quit being a loser.

    All the negative, I,I,I,me,me,me is non-productive.

    This whole thought process (or lack thereof) is pretty sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 7:54 AM GMT
    Jesus.

    i feel a little bit better not giving into the temptation to "call someone out". but yall sound CRAZY.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 8:59 AM GMT

    I think some of you may be missing the point of this forum. The way TheWayItIs (heh) describes it, the letter can address a positive or negative aspect of a past-relationship.

    And for everyone who says "just get over it", maybe writing a letter like this - without sending it - is a way for the letter-writer to get over that ex. The written word can provide a powerful release.

    As a side-note:
    GuiltyGear, that was a mighty-fine letter you wrote. I'm sure your redneck friend wouldn't mind reading it, and hopefully you guys will be able to laugh (fuck) over it sometime. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 10:14 AM GMT
    Agree with aerovaulter. This is, in a way, another step to getting over the ex.

    That said though... TheWayItIs... I remember your post when you broke up... wasn't that months ago? Dude, I hope you get over the bastard soon. He sounds like he's not even worth it.

    And GG... icon_cry.gif That letter made me tear up a bit! icon_cry.gif And I really hope that you do get a chance to talk with him again someday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    aerovaulter saidAnd for everyone who says "just get over it", maybe writing a letter like this - without sending it - is a way for the letter-writer to get over that ex. The written word can provide a powerful release.


    Good point, a possibly constructive use for this kind of thing. But I also have to wonder about whether it can sometimes also be a symptom of NOT getting over it.

    I had an ex who dumped me for another guy, actually started cheating with him while we were still together. Which I suspected just from my ex's change in behavior, and then he finally admitted it.

    It didn't last very long, the new guy being a player and a user. So my ex said he was dumping this guy, too, but kept dragging it on and on and on. And he asked me for help in getting over him.

    And I said the best way is to just go cold turkey, walk away, forget all about him. Oh no I can't, insisted my ex, not until I make him feel bad about what he did to me. I've gotta get even, make him feel guilty & bad.

    And this "getting even" went on for nearly 2 years, an obsessive quest that never really worked. And cost my ex many lost opportunities with other guys. Even when he dated others, he'd start on the subject of this ex with them, and totally turn them off, and lose them.

    Insisting on having the last word, a kind of revenge with our exes, often ends up being their revenge against us instead. We suffer more from it than they do.

    It's sometimes wiser to cut our losses and walk away quickly & cleanly. Enough damage has already been done; lingering to have that last word usually only extends the damage longer. If you're a quality guy, then their loss is you yourself, even if they don't appreciate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 3:52 PM GMT
    Use this website:
    http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

    You may need to say it. You may want others to hear it. But the ex doesn't always need to hear it, pro or con.

    We must always make out own peace with the past, no matter the method.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    I say take your time writing this letter. Re-write it so that it is perfect and expresses what you feel.

    Then don't send it.

    Your hurt. Anything you say will be brushed off by the other guy. If you send it, it will just be more of the same arguments and conflicts.

    There are valid reasons why you guys broke up. It may be nobody's fault.

    MOVE ON!

    Did you ever consider writing a thank you letter for the good times you remember with him? I know that sounds crazy, but THAT will get his attention, leave him speachless and make you look like the better man.

    Never write and send a letter that you might be ashamed of later on. Is this how you want to be remembered?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 4:13 PM GMT
    Just go sleep with any of his hot ex bfs he still has feelings for, or go after the new bf. Sadly when none of these are hot you're left with few options for revenge. Not even best friends were hot wtf! Haha.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Dec 09, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    "Get even" letters say more about the sender than the receiver usually, and more often than not only reveal hurt and bitterness rather than anything positive. I'd say the simple words "Don't Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya" to the ex, then proceed to show with actions rather than words just how easily you have moved on in your life without HIM in it. Nothing stings more than when an ex comes to the realization that HE wasn't the center of your universe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    Anytime I broke up with a boyfriend I moved on right away. I did not want to linger too long on regrets, so letter-writing was never on the cards.
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    Dec 09, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    Yeah, I would have to agree with most of the others here.
    Writing those letters can be cathartic but they are best kept to yourself lest you want to sound like Alanis Morisette.
    Then, months or years from now you can look back and read it... and cringe..and be thankful it never saw the light of day. It is good to have a "what was I thinking" moment every now and then. It means you are growing up.icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 09, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    If you want therapy write the letter to yourself not to your ex.

    The problem I have with the venting approach is that it reeks of the victim mentality. “You did this to me”! The truth is we make our own choices and unfortunately many of us choose to see the fantasy of who we think someone is instead of the reality. We also are reluctant to look at the role we plaid in teh demise. You have to learn to be acutely aware of all the relationship choices you make and why you remain single. How many times do guys turn someone down because they don’t like their body type, or their race, or their age etc There are so many posts on these subjects. I think most of us here, myself included, get involved with someone because of a sexual attraction. The stronger the sexual attraction the more likely we are to ignore the reality checks. When their personality turns out not to be what we bargained for we have two choices. Accept them for what they are or move on. Interestingly enough, I’m sure most of you have met someone and said, this guy I should date I just wish I felt a stronger sexual attraction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said"Get even" letters say more about the sender than the receiver usually, and more often than not only reveal hurt and bitterness rather than anything positive. I'd say the simple words "Don't Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya" to the ex, then proceed to show with actions rather than words just how easily you have moved on in your life without HIM in it. Nothing stings more than when an ex comes to the realization that HE wasn't the center of your universe.


    Curious - brilliant and insightful! I've done the same thing with and ex - and guess what? I came-out the better person and feel great about myself for doing so.
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    Dec 09, 2008 5:26 PM GMT

    aerovaulter said,

    "The way TheWayItIs (heh) describes it, the letter can address a positive or negative aspect of a past-relationship. "

    To All Those Guys I've Loved Before,

    This is to say thanks for being part of my learning experience. Some of those lessons were difficult and the knowledge gained hard-won, but I thank each and every one of you. You taught me, unawares, what to watch out for. You taught me how to love in the face of adversity, of which there were many. You gave as best you knew how at the time, and so did I. Sometimes some of you failed me, and sometimes I you.

    In the end, I chose to react and remember as I chose, that is, I couldn't change what happened between us, but I could change how I remembered it, picking out the bright places and some of the dark ones as cautionary tales to move me along and help me understand what it takes to be a good man and a good lover.

    You gave me Bill, in that I was able to recognize the type of man he is very quickly, more quickly than I would have dreamed possible.

    in gratitude,

    Doug
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Dec 09, 2008 5:49 PM GMT
    Hi TheWayItIs.

    Great letter, but under no circumstance should you send it.

    As some of the others have said, letter like that arte a good way of getting things off your chest, but they end up sounding bitter and immature.

    You have learnt a lot of good lessons from you ex which will stand you in good stead in your future relationships. Sometimes we learn more from bad relationships than from good.

    If you insist on sending him a letter than perhaps something succinct. Like a thankyou card with the words.


    Hi ______ (his first name).

    Just a quick note to say thanks for the good and bad times in our relationship. I feel I've learnt a lot from our time together and can now use what I've learnt in my next relationship with a guy more deserving of me.

    I hope it's been good for you too, and that eventually you find the peace in your soul to let someone into your life and will learn how to treat them right.

    Good Luck

    ----------- (your first name).

    ps. You're not very good in bed, I hope you're not too old to make some improvements.

    Lozx
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    If the type of letter you have written makes you feel better, then THAT'S great! However, I would definitely reconsider mailing it out; writing it alone is VERY powerful and the other person doesn't really need to see it just so you can say you had the last word, remember you & him REALLY know what happened and how it went down, NO ONE else! So write it out for yourself and let that be it and move on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    Letters like that are useful because they are very theraputic. I'm sure the OP realizes that this is as much about his healing as it is about calling out his ex.

    That being said, "Happiness is the Best Revenge", as Pansy Division so rawkingly put it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2008 6:15 PM GMT
    WOW!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2008 2:48 AM GMT
    WOW is right Ducky... Gotta compose something worthy also.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 10, 2008 2:52 AM GMT
    I've never had an ex- boyfriend.
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Dec 10, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI've never had an ex- boyfriend.


    So, that should be a short letter then?
    icon_razz.gif