Gay men marrying women...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    I'm having a problem with a friend. He's been gay his entire life basically and in the last year he has started dating a woman he met in church and just got engaged to her. I want to still be his friend but I can't seem to bring myself to support this choice.

    Another friend of mine who also has been gay all his life just got married to a woman. Seemingly out of nowhere...

    Neither of these instances are for "arrangements" or anything... I was wondering if anyone else is going through something like this? I just don't know how to talk to those friends now.

    Any advice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    You won't support your friend's choice of love and your looking for advice in a gay group?
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Dec 13, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Say congratulations and keep a friend
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    Dec 13, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    I've a friend in the opposite direction, married decades but only now realizing his sexuality. Not just gay or bi, the guy wants ladyboys too and he's exploring while in a long time relationship with a spouse who thinks they're monogamous.

    I've known him since forever, he's a hell of a nice guy, but he's found himself in this predicament of waking up to his true sexuality after a life of living as a str8 man. No matter where he turns from here, he'll find pain as he doesn't think her to be accepting.

    I've become keeper of his closet. I want to keep my friend though I hate the situation. And I have to keep his secret from our other friends. Which in itself is curious because, all thinking themselves str8, they've always related even if just slightly better to each other than to me because, well, I don't speak pussy.

    So now I won't visit him, we live a distance apart, he comes here instead, because I can't enjoy his wife's hospitality while I know what I know. We've discussed that and he understands my feelings.

    Given a no win situation, make the least worst decision. I don't want to lose my friend. I want to maintain my own integrity, so I've compartmentalized it.

    You can't live someone's life for them. Sometimes you walk with your friend to the edge of a cliff. Whether he flies or falls, a friend will be there: I'll be there for him.
  • Shyguy90

    Posts: 35

    Dec 13, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    how24get saidI'm having a problem with a friend. He's been gay his entire life basically and in the last year he has started dating a woman he met in church and just got engaged to her. I want to still be his friend but I can't seem to bring myself to support this choice.

    Another friend of mine who also has been gay all his life just got married to a woman. Seemingly out of nowhere...

    Neither of these instances are for "arrangements" or anything... I was wondering if anyone else is going through something like this? I just don't know how to talk to those friends now.

    Any advice?



    Love is love. Some people are sexually excited by emotions more than physical attraction. They may have a preference as far as physical attraction goes but emotions conquer all. I can understand how that feels whyich is why i refuse to label my sexuality in most settings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2013 5:17 AM GMT
    Personally, I would dump him as a friend, he's marrying out of social pressure and he's going to hurt her.

    Yeah, it's conjecture, but mostly likely true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:26 AM GMT
    Understand, its a fuck thing.

    I never cheated on my woman, but now that I am over that, I always preferred men.

    Tommy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    They are probably lying and deceiving those poor women to live the heteronormative dream. You can't do anything about it, pretend to be happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 5:38 PM GMT
    You don't need to judge or dump him, but it seems like a reasonable thing to ask him about out of basic curiosity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 6:22 PM GMT
    Happens all the time and understandably so. The heteronormative dream, the, until recently, lack of rights for gay men to marry...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFurRPjCOR4

    And the mills grind slowly yet exceedingly fine...eventually these guys show up webcamming on gay sex sites...for starters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 6:53 PM GMT
    I think this is all a matter of perspective and which side of the proverbial fence you see yourself and your friend standing on.

    would you be this disturbed if a long time straight friend suddenly decided to marry a guy?

    If your answer is "no" then your perspective is flawed.

    knock down the fence, let your friend love whomever he choses, and keep the friendship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidI think this is all a matter of perspective and which side of the proverbial fence you see yourself and your friend standing on.

    would you be this disturbed if a long time straight friend suddenly decided to marry a guy?

    If your answer is "no" then your perspective is flawed.

    knock down the fence, let your friend love whomever he choses, and keep the friendship.


    The world is heteronormative, not homonormative. It takes guts to marry the same-sex love of you life, and is generally frowned upon. It's push by society to lead a straight life.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Sep 04, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    Obviously they are not that gay, some shade of bi. Ask how many actual gay men on here would consider marrying a woman.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Sep 04, 2014 7:19 PM GMT
    how24get saidI'm having a problem with a friend. He's been gay his entire life basically and in the last year he has started dating a woman he met in church and just got engaged to her. I want to still be his friend but I can't seem to bring myself to support this choice.

    Another friend of mine who also has been gay all his life just got married to a woman. Seemingly out of nowhere...

    Neither of these instances are for "arrangements" or anything... I was wondering if anyone else is going through something like this? I just don't know how to talk to those friends now.

    Any advice?


    I would have had absolutely no friends if I used your metrics hereicon_biggrin.gif

    You are his friend. He does not need your support to marry whomever he wants. It is his life and his choice. Not yours.

    Friends are friends. We are neither life-guides nor guardians... of any kind whatsoever.

    If your friend comes asking for your opinion, be honest. If he did not ask, accept his condition, and move on.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 8:31 PM GMT
    Hes an adult and that's his choice not yours, you must respect that. However if he's really gay and not bisexual he's gonna have a miserable life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2014 8:38 PM GMT
    You have to let your friends make their own decisions. That being said, I understand your concern if you think he's not really bi and just using women to fit into conservative Florida. If that's the case, then yes, I'd pick better friends. Anyone who would trick another person to make their life easier is not someone I'd want to have as a friend.
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    Sep 04, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidSay congratulations and keep a friend


    X 1

    Me , I was married for 1 1/2 yrs , she ended running off with another guy , so I went back to being gay.
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    Sep 04, 2014 8:58 PM GMT
    Ratboy said
    jo2hotbod saidSay congratulations and keep a friend


    X 1

    Me , I was married for 1 1/2 yrs , she ended running off with another guy , so I went back to being gay.


    Good for you. She did you a favor. Hopefully no kids involved, but even still, a tough and lonely road. But after 18 months...WAHOO!!! Party Party Party!!!
  • Killer32

    Posts: 9

    Sep 30, 2014 12:04 PM GMT
    I have thoughts of marrying a woman. As life passes by and I haven't been able to be in a real relationship with a men. It had make me wonder!
    Back in my high school and college days I dated women. Wich they weren't that bad.
    Gay life is hard as you get old. I have meet a few older gay men and it's sad to seeing them live and die alone and the thought of that seems sad.

    Now because we are young we don't care. But what's going to happen when we turn 60-80 who's going to visit us when we are sick or on our last breath.

    I want to have kids and grandkids get home after work and see a real family.
    And for some reason been gay has make it difficult.

    please don't take it wrong gay life is fun but when the parties are over and every body is gone.
    What's next to do??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 3:01 PM GMT
    Killer32 saidI have thoughts of marrying a woman. As life passes by and I haven't been able to be in a real relationship with a men. It had make me wonder!
    Back in my high school and college days I dated women. Wich they weren't that bad.
    Gay life is hard as you get old. I have meet a few older gay men and it's sad to seeing them live and die alone and the thought of that seems sad.

    Now because we are young we don't care. But what's going to happen when we turn 60-80 who's going to visit us when we are sick or on our last breath.

    I want to have kids and grandkids get home after work and see a real family.
    And for some reason been gay has make it difficult.

    please don't take it wrong gay life is fun but when the parties are over and every body is gone.
    What's next to do??




    If you're living your life in gay bars and circuit parties, I can see why you'd have that opinion. But that's a very unhealthy lifestyle so I'm not surprised you don't have positive older role models. If you walk away from the lazer lights and fog long enough, you'll see there are many gay couples who stick together through life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2014 8:00 PM GMT
    Killer32 said But what's going to happen when we turn 60-80 who's going to visit us when we are sick or on our last breath.

    Your 60-80 year old friends. If you don't have friends, start making some.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 3:35 AM GMT
    so what ever happened here? what did the OP do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    Hmm.. They might be bisexuals all the time. Otherwise they'll end up being alcoholics, committing suicide or having a huge divorce. Till then you can find them at cruising spots. I just hope they won't ruin their future kids lives.icon_neutral.gif