ambitious/career-minded or contented guys?

  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Dec 14, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    Are you an ambitious or a contented person? Do you prefer the same from your partner?

    I wouldn't call myself ambitious in the career-minded sense. I love my job (research) but I don't chase fame and glory nor am I particularly proactive in seeking leadership roles. However, I'm ambitious in that I am passionate about my work, take pride in it and always strive to do the best I can. I am contented with whatever my effort brings me (which has been pretty good so far). I know guys who are extremely career-minded. As much as I am attracted to guys who are highly motivated and driven, I'm afraid to approach them because I can't help feeling insecure around them, that I'm not good enough for them and that they are more likely looking for someone who are as driven. Most of the guys I like and get along with are more similar to me - contented, passionate but not too career-minded. I don't like guys who are contented in the slob way - dead end job, flippant and no intend to change that.

    What's your preference?
  • cyclinghiker

    Posts: 16

    Dec 14, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    A healthy dose of ambition seems like a great thing to me as long as it does not cloud one's vision.

    This reminds me of a conversation an acquaintance and I had a long time ago about relationships. He believed only one person in the relationship could be ambitious while the other should be content and just supportive of his/her partner. This is one of the reasons he married this amazing and beautiful girl who had no ambition and just wants to support her husband by basically being a trophy wife of sorts.

    My dream has always been to be part of a power couple where my partner and I take on the world together. We wouldn't be competitive or jealous of one another but rather just supportive and thrilled with each other's successes. If you find this to be a fantasy, keep in mind I teach a class on fairy tales, and sometimes my class subjects manage to work their way into my life/mind.

    My first serious relationship was with a guy who did not have much ambition. He is clever and a joy to be around and he could really do anything he set his mind to; however, his lacking drive did bother me with his just being content with many things in his life.

    My second serious relationship was with someone highly ambitious (at the end of our first date, we pretty much set up our relationship as though it were a business merger between two companies). While I was always extremely proud of his successes and accomplishments, he eventually seemed to get somewhat jealous of/competitive with mine. This as well as the long hours of working (I am a bit of a workaholic I fear) and a few other things led to our eventual demise as a couple.

    So now as I take a self-mandated year of being single to clear my mind and figure myself out, I wonder what the third serious relationship should be like. I guess a mixture of the two would be ideal, but I still really like my fantasy.

    Your thoughts? Can two ambitious people be together and be truly happy? Or is my friend right?
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    Dec 15, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    I'm an ambitious person and I definitely see it as an attractive trait, but I'd have a problem with a partner who was always "too busy". If someone is able to support themself and content with their situation I don't see anything wrong with that.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Dec 15, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    I'm definitely ambitious in my career and in my financial planning. IF I was going to think about a partner again, there'd be many considerations, but I'd at minimum want someone who was serious about his career and financially responsible.

    (I'm also pretty ambitious about getting laid! icon_twisted.gif )
  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Dec 15, 2013 3:01 PM GMT
    cyclinghiker saidA healthy dose of ambition seems like a great thing to me as long as it does not cloud one's vision.

    This reminds me of a conversation an acquaintance and I had a long time ago about relationships. He believed only one person in the relationship could be ambitious while the other should be content and just supportive of his/her partner. This is one of the reasons he married this amazing and beautiful girl who had no ambition and just wants to support her husband by basically being a trophy wife of sorts.

    cyclinghiker saidYour thoughts? Can two ambitious people be together and be truly happy? Or is my friend right?


    In straight relationships, I guess it's common to have only one who is ambitious i.e. the guy, since that's the traditional gender role. The reverse is more common now. My former labmate is not an ambitious guy and is now a house-husband while his wife brings home the dough. However, my current boss and my first boss are both career-minded women and their husbands are high flyers too (though the husband of the latter is not as career-minded as her). I think it really depends on how the couples handle their relationships and perhaps their egos.

    I don't see how this should be much different for gay relationships. However, guys are inherently more competitive and aggressive than females, so 2 ambitious guys in a relationship might be more likely to run into problems if they don't communicate well.

    cyclinghiker said
    My dream has always been to be part of a power couple where my partner and I take on the world together. We wouldn't be competitive or jealous of one another but rather just supportive and thrilled with each other's successes.

    cyclinghiker said
    So now as I take a self-mandated year of being single to clear my mind and figure myself out, I wonder what the third serious relationship should be like. I guess a mixture of the two would be ideal, but I still really like my fantasy.


    Coincidentally, I'm taking a dating break to figure myself out too. I too love to fantasise (INFJ) but I've realised after studying MBTI extensively the past months that I need to stay in touch with reality from time to time to avoid the pitfall of letting my idealist temperament instill too much unrealistic expectations into my mind. That said, I think your "fantasy" is totally reasonable and attainable. Good luck!


    cyclinghiker saidIf you find this to be a fantasy, keep in mind I teach a class on fairy tales, and sometimes my class subjects manage to work their way into my life/mind.


    Haha, that is sooooo INFP!

  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Dec 15, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    It depends on what drives the ambition. If it's a love for the work, an interest and excitement, then that's fine. If the prime motive is self-agrandizement or money/power, then no. One is healthy, the other is not.
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    Dec 15, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    I'm verrrrrry ambitious and expect my boo to be the same way! I don't settle for mediocrity....my parents raised me with that mindset lol Maybe that's why I'm so aggressive icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 15, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidI think two power gays will always run into the problem of not having time enough for each other, as well as the competitive issue.


    Sometimes yes. I've seen it in action. Yikes!
    Sometimes , equally, no. I've seen heady success in that pairing up as well. Sweet!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 15, 2013 5:29 PM GMT
    I grew up living well and I'm ambitious to the extent I need to be to live as well as that (or maybe a tad better), which contrary to popular opinion is highly focused on goal achievement. But that also includes a widening of interests and motivation to be educated and intelligent on a wide variety of subjects. Second and third generation kids generally aren't as single-minded about money as was necessary to their parents or grandparents partly because they are given advantages and partly because they have a good gene pool, and partly because they just know how to place themselves in a situation that allows them to live well. That doesn't mean lazy and in fact generally makes them focused on multiple levels, though not necessarily hard working at the money making function. In the best cases, it should also make them grateful for their situation and charitable both financially and with their time.

    With a partner, I don't necessarily need ambition, except ambition to be really good at something he loves, and I do require curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. Money isn't an issue but personal drivers are. And a sense of generosity. I have seen power couples where two high achievers are extremely compatible but it generally seems to work best if the areas of achievement are different and not competitive. Though in the old-fashioned world I prefer, I also like it best if each has enough time to support the other rather than be largely dedicated to his own success. That means sacrificing some of what you might could have in order to put your partner above you in importance. This is needed in spades if you have kids, too.