Why aren't we allowed to have dating preferences?


  • Dec 15, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    I've read several threads here that severally criticize guys who list their dating preferences. If they have a race preference, they are racist. If they have an age range, they are close-minded. If they have body preferences, they are shallow. And if they prefer masculine or "straight-acting" guys, they are delusional or self-hating.

    Why are some guys so sensitive about these preferences? Isn't it better to be straight-forward and honest? I like to be upfront and direct with people and hate it when people beat around the bush. I understand that I may be doing myself a disservice by limiting my dating options, but do I really need to waste my time (and his) by going out with someone I have no interest in? Yeah it may be harsh, but I'd prefer to know up front that there is no interest and not be strung along by the other guy because he is too afraid to say he is not interested.

    Am I really an asshole for this view?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 15, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    I suggest you don't give two fucks about what other people think about who you want to date and who you don't.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Dec 15, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    #cos americans b racyst
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    Dec 15, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    I wasn't racist before I came to this group but I am now.
    Nobody tells MEEEE what to do!
    (take Tim's advice. No matter what values you hold, the group will find a reason to descend on you.)
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    Dec 15, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    TSHIRTA_zpsdefbf336.gif

    TSHIRTB_zps45f963e3.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2013 11:57 PM GMT
    ^Can I get that shirt in an extra-stupid?
    (that's a joke, not a put down)
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    theantijock saidTSHIRTA_zpsdefbf336.gif

    TSHIRTB_zps45f963e3.gif




    LOL i wish someone would wear this out !!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    Nothing wrong with having preferences. How you convey your preferences to others determines whether or not you're racist, self-hating, closed minded, etc.
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:35 AM GMT
    WhyWhySee saidWhat you're talking about are not preferences. A preference is when you find yourself more attractive to one person or certain features than another. That would be finding white people more attractive than asian people. You want to be able to rule people out before you even see them based on their race and you choose to do that using language that intentionally makes them feel lesser. They're still people.


    ^ ^ ^ ^
    That....
    and a bag of chips.
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    These conversations are always framed in the most dishonest way possible.

    99% of the time, when someone is concerned about why everyone, black/Asian/Hispanic/arab/etc, like white guys, someone else (either a white guy who wants to keep the racial hierarchy or a minority who doesn't want to be judged for preferring white) would twist it to something like "is it a crime to have preferences?"

    Or someone would say "nuh uh, I'm open to all races" (meaning if the other races are way hotter than the white guys he can get).

    Or someone would say "not true, I had the best time with a minority guy... he was 30 years younger, etc..."

    I think it's pretty obvious that it's ok to have preferences, even racial ones. Just that if you are yet another cliché minority who likes white guys to the point of settling for an ugly one (since there so many other people who want white guys), it might be time to question why things are the way they are, and rethink "preferences"

  • Dec 16, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    I guess I should specify that this applies to when guys make these preferences known on dating profiles or dating apps. If a guy hit on me at a bar and I wasn't interested, I wouldn't call attention to his trait that I am not attracted to, but I would give him the ubiquitous "you're not my type" line.
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    foosballwizard saidI guess I should specify that this applies to when guys make these preferences known on dating profiles or dating apps. If a guy hit on me at a bar and I wasn't interested, I wouldn't call attention to his trait that I am not attracted to, but I would give him the ubiquitous "you're not my type" line.


    ^ ^ ^ ^
    I couldn't be so heartlessly blunt..
    I'd just tell him I have the clap.
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    If someone told me they could set me up with a white guy or a black guy -and told me nothing else- I would say "OK set me up with the white guy - that's my preference."
    But I certainly wouldn't put "no blacks" on my profile. I'm perfectly willing to date a black man and I'd be lucky to get one.
    I don't see how this preference should make me a bad person or even be controversial. I think a lot of people here get carried away with showing how open minded they are.
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    Dec 16, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    Usually the people who criticize you for having preferences are either unattractive or insecure or both. So carry on with your preferences...they have their own issues to deal with.
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    Dec 16, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    Mulattoes only !!!!!!!!

    No Whites icon_mad.gif

    No Blacks icon_mad.gif

    I'm kidding
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2013 2:20 AM GMT
    Rejection fucking hurts.
    May hurt more when you're arbitrarily rejected--don't worry it will happen soon enough to you, then you'll get it, till then enjoy your immense dating pool.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Dec 16, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    It doesnt matter what other people think
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    Dec 16, 2013 4:29 AM GMT
    What does the word “preference” actually mean?

    Why saying NO ASIANS/NO BLACKS is racist

    Stop defending yourself with "it's just a preference"
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    Dec 16, 2013 5:51 AM GMT
    xrichx saidNothing wrong with having preferences. How you convey your preferences to others determines whether or not you're racist, self-hating, closed minded, etc.


    This.

    On the flip side of that same coin, people get upset when someone they think is hot isn't interested in them. They would rather believe it's because you're racist, self-hating, closed minded, etc. than admit it's their crummy personality.
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    Dec 16, 2013 6:02 AM GMT
    Talking about preferences is incredibly misleading. OF COURSE it's fine to have preferences.

    On the other hand, while a white guy on Grindr would probably just chuckle if he sees that one-in-a-million profile that says "no whites", the other 100,000 profiles that say "no Asians" probably matters a bit more to an Asian.

    The reason why gays are especially shameless about announcing their preferences is because most are conditioned to have the SAME particular preference; but RJers who benefit from racial hierarchy prefer to gloss over this in terms of "preferences" or "self confidence" or cite exceptions to the trend as if that will disprove it.
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    Dec 16, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidOn the flip side of that same coin, people get upset when someone they think is hot isn't interested in them. They would rather believe it's because you're racist, self-hating, closed minded, etc. than admit it's their crummy personality.

    So true, nicely put.
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    Dec 16, 2013 6:56 AM GMT
    Sigh. This subject has been done to death. Even I'm getting tired of it. Fuck who want. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 16, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    Can me and this guy just make out please ???? thank you

    #mulattopridelonghairdontcare


    tumblr_mt1qczmp701qg30luo1_500.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2013 8:47 AM GMT
    Why do you keep saying mulatto?

    Is this the 1940's?

    You're mixed or biracial. Stop trying to sound exotic...
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    Dec 16, 2013 8:50 AM GMT
    foosballwizard saidI guess I should specify that this applies to when guys make these preferences known on dating profiles or dating apps. If a guy hit on me at a bar and I wasn't interested, I wouldn't call attention to his trait that I am not attracted to, but I would give him the ubiquitous "you're not my type" line.


    While you are entitled to date whomever you want, telling a guy that he's not your type does make you a hypocrite. You stated on your profile that you don't have a type but rather like a guy with a good head on his shoulders and easy going. I seriously doubt that you are able to determine the lack of these qualities in a guy from the first 30 seconds of meeting him.