Came out to my brothers' friend

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    Dec 16, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Yesterday I was hanging out with my older bro's friend. We were driving around and talked for a awhile and he asked me if I'm into guys.. I was reticent, but eventually I told him the truth. He is the first person I've came out too. I haven't came out to anyone until now. I felt so nervous and caught off guard. When I asked him how did he know? He said he suspected it, the second time he met me. He said he used to be an investagator and has done read studies on how to tell if someone is gay or bi by looking at their facial expressions etc. He said he is cool with it and won't tell my brother. Also he said that my older brother suspects it and asked him. Now I'm second guessing myself if but telling him that. I haven't told my family that I am bisexual, and I'm worried that my brother is going to ask me and if I tell him the truth, he will abandon me. Can anyone share their experiences? I'm feeling very overwhelmed.
  • builtofbrick

    Posts: 54

    Dec 16, 2013 8:15 AM GMT
    Well I'm just going to make a guess since i don't know the whole situation and haven't met you or your brother's friend, but... really the only time I've noticed when people notice if someone is gay or not really well is if they're gay themselves, 'cause gays tend to be on the watch for other gays. Some straight people i know might ask me or someone else if someone is gay if the person has a trait that tends to be gay. but then sometimes they asked me about someone and i had no idea. 'course my "gaydar" might just be horrible lol. but that's another topic. Unless you're really obvious, i don't know i doubt he pick up on it that quick with out getting to know you better. I know you said he was an investigator or something but i doubt that being gay is something they look for. probably said it for a cover. but again i have no idea I'm just making a guess.
    just me but I'd be tempted to see what his "background" is. but again that's just me.
    good luck
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    Dec 16, 2013 8:43 AM GMT
    Just be honest about who you are. If your brother can't accept it, tough shit. You are who you are. End of Story.icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 16, 2013 10:11 AM GMT
    I think your brothers friend is gay or bi and he was checking you out? He was using investigator cover to hide behind so he wouldn't reveal that he is attracted to men also. Gay or bi men have a a kind of six sense and can usually tell if some one is also attracted to men. The other story could be that your brother is gay or bi also and he has his suspicions about you and sent his friend to get you to reveal you sexual leanings. My brother was gay also.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Dec 16, 2013 12:31 PM GMT
    How old is your brother and how old is his friend?
    I know someone whose entire family knew he was gay before he came out, but they had an in-law who was gay, so even though none of them was gay, they guessed.

    I'd also guess that your brother isn't going to freak that much if he's already wondering if you're gay. It's not like he hasn't had time to digest the idea mentally..

    Did you ask the friend if he thought it'd be a problem for your bro?
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    Dec 16, 2013 1:12 PM GMT
    Investigators are very good at reading people. Of course i'm being biased because I am also an investigator but a lot of our success is based on how well we can read people.

    You're young, and i'm guessing in the closet? I'm guessing you may have shown possible tell signs without realizing it.
  • Bicuriouscool

    Posts: 233

    Dec 16, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    you cant hide it. unless you are a good actor. (for example barney stinson). the way gay people move, talk makes it obvious to most normal people. its the subconcious mind working, just like you know whawhat direction a sudden sound came from when you hear it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 16, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    Well if your brother is asking to find out than he probably already suspects it. why don't you ask your brother's friend to find out for you if you are that concerned
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Dec 16, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    If the investigator is as good at reading people as he says he is, ask him to read your brother and what he thinks if you turn out to be bi.
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    Dec 16, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    Lee1368 saidI think your brothers friend is gay or bi and he was checking you out? He was using investigator cover to hide behind so he wouldn't reveal that he is attracted to men also. Gay or bi men have a a kind of six sense and can usually tell if some one is also attracted to men. The other story could be that your brother is gay or bi also and he has his suspicions about you and sent his friend to get you to reveal you sexual leanings. My brother was gay also.


    Hmm there's a possibility :/ but my brother's friend is married though
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    Dec 16, 2013 5:03 PM GMT
    UncleverName saidHow old is your brother and how old is his friend?
    I know someone whose entire family knew he was gay before he came out, but they had an in-law who was gay, so even though none of them was gay, they guessed.

    I'd also guess that your brother isn't going to freak that much if he's already wondering if you're gay. It's not like he hasn't had time to digest the idea mentally..

    Did you ask the friend if he thought it'd be a problem for your bro?


    My brother is 23 and his friend is 36, and no I didn't ask him. I will the next time I see him, I was quite shocked that day and trying to process everything
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    Dec 16, 2013 5:11 PM GMT
    Its your life.
    I came out first to my brother and his answere was : " i was waiting for you to tell me" and i was like...ok icon_rolleyes.gif

    But i am not out to my family. I dont care to tell them...and more if they are not open minded. and i feel relax and i dont care...so...i am ok hahah. and if they aske me, well, i will tell them. but they havent...
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    Dec 16, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    tmac saidInvestigators are very good at reading people. Of course i'm being biased because I am also an investigator but a lot of our success is based on how well we can read people.

    You're young, and i'm guessing in the closet? I'm guessing you may have shown possible tell signs without realizing it.


    Yes, you're right tmac, I'm starting to think that might be the case. He made a comment that it was my clothing style that kinda gave him some hints. My clothing style is preppy and urban. Also I'm somewhat of a pretty boy :$
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    Dec 16, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    I'm going to ask my brother's friend more about this next time we meet. When I asked him if he was going through the same thing he said he would come out if people asked him, so I'm glad he's being supportive. I will give you guys an update
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    Dec 16, 2013 6:48 PM GMT
    Ascension saidYesterday I was hanging out with my older bro's friend. We were driving around and talked for a awhile and he asked me if I'm into guys.. I was reticent, but eventually I told him the truth. He is the first person I've came out too. I haven't came out to anyone until now. I felt so nervous and caught off guard. When I asked him how did he know? He said he suspected it, the second time he met me. He said he used to be an investagator and has done read studies on how to tell if someone is gay or bi by looking at their facial expressions etc. He said he is cool with it and won't tell my brother. Also he said that my older brother suspects it and asked him. Now I'm second guessing myself if but telling him that. I haven't told my family that I am bisexual, and I'm worried that my brother is going to ask me and if I tell him the truth, he will abandon me. Can anyone share their experiences? I'm feeling very overwhelmed.


    I can relate Acension. I have many straight friends and family members. Only one of my friends, who lives near me and I meet on Realjock is gay. I have one brother, who is gay and came out to my patents a year ago. My best friend knows I am gay or bi, I still like girls. Two of my friends asked if I was gay, I said no, but I will come out. It is weird, but I am passionate about the truth. It is good to be honest with yourself and with others. If Simone dies not accept you for who you ate, pray for them. Be hints, be good and all who love you will always be at your side.
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    Dec 16, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    Ascension said
    Lee1368 saidI think your brothers friend is gay or bi and he was checking you out? He was using investigator cover to hide behind so he wouldn't reveal that he is attracted to men also. Gay or bi men have a a kind of six sense and can usually tell if some one is also attracted to men. The other story could be that your brother is gay or bi also and he has his suspicions about you and sent his friend to get you to reveal you sexual leanings. My brother was gay also.


    Hmm there's a possibility :/ but my brother's friend is married though


    Married men can't be gay or bi? I'm married for 23 years and I defiantly bi maybe more so gay.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 16, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    All this dancing around is pointless. You're 22 and Canadian. For God's sake, just come out. The sky won't fall, I promise.
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    Dec 16, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    You need to come if or when your ready because you will have to live with the fallout afterwards. Take your time and don't feel you have to come out! Why do other care so much that others should come out? It's really nobodies business but yours!
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    Dec 17, 2013 2:32 AM GMT
    It's kinda creepy and cool at the same time to tell if someone is gay just by looking at facial expression icon_eek.gif Life would be so much easier for gay people, though icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 17, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    It's your life. Live it the way you want and not through the eyes of others. Happy Holidays!
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    Dec 18, 2013 5:17 AM GMT
    Lee1368 said
    Ascension said
    Lee1368 saidI think your brothers friend is gay or bi and he was checking you out? He was using investigator cover to hide behind so he wouldn't reveal that he is attracted to men also. Gay or bi men have a a kind of six sense and can usually tell if some one is also attracted to men. The other story could be that your brother is gay or bi also and he has his suspicions about you and sent his friend to get you to reveal you sexual leanings. My brother was gay also.


    Hmm there's a possibility :/ but my brother's friend is married though


    Married men can't be gay or bi? I'm married for 23 years and I defiantly bi
    maybe more so gay.


    Lol :$ yeah you have a point
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    Dec 18, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone for your responses.. It made me feel better and not be so scared. But I'm afraid that if my friends find out, I'll lose everything icon_sad.gif oh and I haven't hanged out with my bro's friend yet.. Still will update you guys
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    Dec 18, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    Off topic but, does anyone know how to rotate pics when you upload them? Everytime I upload pics from my phons it rotates them to the side and it's annoying me
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    Dec 18, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    coming outs such a weight off your shoulders, i have 2 brothers 1 has children the other is what you might call a ''badboy'' hes actually in prison too. wasnt when i came out though. when i did i felt weird all day, but was glad, nothing changed really tho, nothing was awkward. Your brother will love you as much as you love him. if you think he may not handle it?? you'd probably be wrong. My sisters i think, love that im gay haha and mums are mums, the scariest to come out to but there the ones that stick by you through anything, (never had a dad or father figure)so have no experience there but it IS as easy as it sounds. its just 'spitting the words out' thats so hard. haha took me like 3days. they just wouldnt roll off my tongue. Be true to yourself, honest with others. you wont regret it x
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    Dec 18, 2013 7:37 PM GMT
    Ascension saidOff topic but, does anyone know how to rotate pics when you upload them? Everytime I upload pics from my phons it rotates them to the side and it's annoying me


    your best off running them through photo viewer on a computer, rotating them, closing it which saves them as they are in photo viewer. then uploading.