Monogamous LTR but his bf still texts other guys sexually...

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    Dec 18, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    My best friend is in a monogamous relationship, but his boyfriend still texts other guys about having sex with them, and has a fake profile on grindr. He said he found this out because his bf's phone was on his table one day, and a grindr notification popped up, as well as a text from another guy concerning his having sex with him. My friend says he has never suspected him of cheating as they are always together. He believes that his bf still desires that attention. I told him that I didn't necessarily agree with this. Is this a common occurence, and what are your thoughts on the matter?
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:30 PM GMT
    texas24 said... what are your thoughts on the matter?

    My thought is that your best friend should watch his BF like a hawk. There's no legitimate reason to be having sexual text exchanges with anybody, other than with his own BF. Even if it's only for his own jollies, and ego gratification, it's misleading & unfair to the other guys online, who take him seriously. Not an admirable trait.
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:40 PM GMT
    My thoughts exactly!
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:44 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    ART_DECO said
    texas24 said... what are your thoughts on the matter?

    My thought is that your best friend should watch his BF like a hawk. There's no legitimate reason to be having sexual text exchanges with anybody, other than with his own BF. Even if it's only for his own jollies, and ego gratification, it's misleading & unfair to the other guys online, who take him seriously. Not an admirable trait.


    Agreed.


    Texas, has your friend discussed this with his BF?
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    He told me they had this problem when they first started dating, discussed it, and thought nothing more of it. Apparently he never stopped.
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:49 PM GMT
    texas24 saidHe told me they had this problem when they first started dating, discussed it, and thought nothing more of it. Apparently he never stopped.


    Then it's back to the drawing board, pronto. It appears your friend's BF didn't get it, or sorely needs to, or he's going to capsize the boat they're on.
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    Dec 18, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    My friend made the situation worse by getting paranoid and checking the bf's phone, which led to finding more texts. I told him I wasn't sure what he should do, because he's technically not in the right for snooping.
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    Dec 18, 2013 5:03 PM GMT
    texas24 saidMy friend made the situation worse by getting paranoid and checking the bf's phone, which led to finding more texts. I told him I wasn't sure what he should do, because he's technically not in the right for snooping.



    He might not be in the right.....but it's totally understandable considering the situation. If they are supposed to be in a monogamous relationship, he needs to ditch this guy because that's really not acceptable. And I'm guessing they have unprotected sex too, right? If I were your friend I'd get tested right away because I doubt this guy is just chatting about hooking up.
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    Dec 20, 2013 3:52 AM GMT
    Just had this same scenario happen to me, where the guy I was 'seeing' was doing this to me. When I confronted him about it since we were supposed to be monogamous, he told me that he's just answering messages and that my bringing it up was 'too much drama' and then dumped me on my birthday--this past Saturdayicon_mad.gificon_evil.gif
    Moral-your friend should know that where there's smoke there's fire....cut his losses and leave.
    His 'boyfriend' will back online before your friend has pulled out of the driveway...hopefully I'm wrongicon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 21, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Either your friend isn't giving him enough attention, or he might just be j.o with guys over text..maybe he's scared to talk about freaky stuff with his bf ..idk doesn't mean he's cheating
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    Dec 21, 2013 10:01 PM GMT
    Been in the same exact situation. This should be a red flag and your friend should face reality that this guy will never change. Sure they talked about it and the boyfriend should have been considerate of your friend's feelings. This is not healthy for him. Get out while he can. I didn't get out until three years of being in this environment. My fault for thinking people can change and I'll never get back that lost time. Also I don't blame your friend for snooping, but he is preparing himself for disappointment everytime he does this. Best for him to move on.
  • Timbales

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    Dec 22, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    My thoughts? I hope they are still using condoms.