I can't stand my family to be honest

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 19, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    They are lazy, uneducated, uncouth, parasitic, completely low class individuals. They do nothing but drag me down, especially as they know I have a chance at actually becoming someone.

    The exceptions would be my sister, who is working towards becoming a nurse, and my younger brother who, thank the universe, was adopted at 16, and is now a US Marine.

    The "abridged" version of the story: my siblings and I were put into foster care at a young age. I spent my adolescence in care (13 to 21). Prior to this, we lived in a number of homeless shelters. My mother has never worked a day in her life and has a victim mentality from experiencing so much physical trauma (she is a burn, rape, and domestic abuse survivor, not to mention being on her own since her father's death when she was 16). I admire and respect her, but resent her at the same time.

    My second eldest sister is a reproducing idiot who has children out of boredom and then deals with their existential angst by yelling at them. You brought them into the world, dummy. Her husband is a spineless moron who stands around as she belittles him. I feel so sorry for my beautiful nephews and would adopt them and raise them myself if I had the resources.

    My oldest sister is a raging alcoholic who completely ignores her mentally autistic 13 year old son (he has the mentality of a 7 year old). She has bipolar disorder but is also just an unpleasant bitch beyond that. She thinks violence is funny and constantly jokes about people being "beat down" and "knocked the fuck out". She is also a narcissist and a user. Always has her hand out for your money while her own is stashed down her bra. Always willing to blab about her (admittedly fucked up) problems and then stonewall you when you are trying to open up to her. She obviously has no respect for herself, as she stayed with the man who gave her HIV, and still mourns him today, 3 years after his death. What a loser.

    My younger sister is the one I am so disappointed in, she had so much potential. A smart girl who loved reading and poetry, she is now hardened, ghetto, and low class. At just 23, she is having a child with a 40+ year old grotesque looking felon with multiple prison stints for drug distribution, assault and other crimes. She is completely dependent on him financially as she doesn't have a job. Ironically, she has always wanted to join the military and work in criminal justice, and even started an online degree program that she dropped out of after three months with a 2.2 GPA because she didn't apply herself. I fear for the life of the little girl being unwittingly brought into this chaos.

    I am the only one in my family who will graduate from college. I am the only one trying to better myself, to pull myself out of poverty, to really follow my dreams. Even my sister who is working towards becoming a nurse, who is very independent, has invited her "boo", a felon freshly released from prison, to squat in her home. Must be some good dick.

    So yeah, although I do love my family and wish they would try to become better human beings, I truly don't respect or enjoy being in their presence. In fact, they disgust me. And they wonder why I am distant and can go months at a time without seeing them.

    End rant.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    Get away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 19, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Dec 19, 2013 4:08 AM GMT
    Hire a new family to replace the shit one God gave you.

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 19, 2013 4:17 AM GMT
    Import saidHire a new family to replace the shit one God gave you.



    Haha.
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    Dec 19, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.


    But if they aren't anything but grief, you have to let them go. Family like that will pull you down with them, eventually.
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    Dec 19, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.


    Believe me, I have seen this story play out.

    You said your family is bringing you down. If that is true you need to break free.

    Once you have created a better life for yourself you may have something to offer your family. Then you can help them any way you can afford.

    Until then you have nothing but complaints to give them. Get away.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 19, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    FitStriver said
    Dopeamine said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.


    Believe me, I have seen this story play out.

    You said your family is bringing you down. If that is true you need to break free.

    Once you have created a better life for yourself you may have something to offer your family. Then you can help them any way you can afford.

    Until then you have nothing but complaints to give them. Get away.


    Well, I don't live with them. But yeah, I have to do for myself before I can do for them. I get what you are saying.
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    Dec 19, 2013 4:44 AM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.

    Sure you can. My mother is a born again Jesus freak. Can't talk to her without having to listen to her rant about Jesus. Stopped talking to her decades ago. I won't say what my father did but it's very bad and I can't talk to him any more either.

    It's not the end of the world when you move on.
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    Dec 19, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    Congratulations to you for getting as far as you have with such oppressive situations growing up. It is a wonder, and a compliment to your perseverance that you made it. It would be best to keep your "family" at a distance..Maybe you can help some of your nephews later , by being an example of how to live and prosper. Maybe not. But the status of your mfaily members is not in your hands.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 19, 2013 6:28 AM GMT
    Thank you Aristo. I think I just have to get over feeling like I owe them something, because I really don't.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Dec 19, 2013 8:05 AM GMT
    Dopeamine said
    My oldest sister is a raging alcoholic who completely ignores her mentally autistic 13 year old son (he has the mentality of a 7 year old).


    Just a little FYI: if all he's got is autism, he probably doesn't have the mentality of a 7 year old, unless the neglect is to the extent of locking him in a closet for years.
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    Dec 19, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    HikerSkier saidCongratulations to you for getting as far as you have with such oppressive situations growing up. It is a wonder, and a compliment to your perseverance that you made it. It would be best to keep your "family" at a distance..Maybe you can help some of your nephews later , by being an example of how to live and prosper. Maybe not. But the status of your mfaily members is not in your hands.


    This. Be an example of responsibility to them. Congrats on taking care of yourself and God Bless You for wanting to help others. Keep up the good work! Were there influences in your life that helped you to be ambitious and responsible? If yes, be that for others. Those who are influenced by you will never forget you, and they will in turn influence others by their example.
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    Dec 19, 2013 10:44 PM GMT
    These stories are so sad and I can relate. I don't like to talk about it, probably won't, but I really can't stand my family either. When we have family get-togethers, it's so tense for me to try to keep the peace. It's like I become a non-person. I just keep nodding and telling everybody how wonderful they are to keep them in a good mood. Nobody asks about me unless they're talking down to me. It's so horrible.
    (I'm sad now.)
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    Dec 19, 2013 11:00 PM GMT
    GongGong saidI can't stand your family either.

    Yeah, now that I think about it, I kind of hate your family a little bit too.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Dec 20, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidThese stories are so sad and I can relate. I don't like to talk about it, probably won't, but I really can't stand my family either. When we have family get-togethers, it's so tense for me to try to keep the peace. It's like I become a non-person. I just keep nodding and telling everybody how wonderful they are to keep them in a good mood. Nobody asks about me unless they're talking down to me. It's so horrible.
    (I'm sad now.)


    Oh God, can I relate. I am exactly this non-person around them. I don't like the way they make me feel. Like I am not doing much if I am not immersed in their petty miserable bullshit.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Mar 21, 2015 9:22 PM GMT
    Somehow, in spite of ghastly influences, you have managed to pull yourself up and do well. That is not easy for people from that kind of background to do. Usually it requires having close contact with a more responsible person.

    Those problems are often passed on through many generations. Contrary to what some people think, it is not only black families that are affected. And, it has nothing to do with lack of intelligence. Rather, it is a matter of having a background that results in attitudes and behaviors which are incompatible with being successful in life.

    It would be interesting to know how you succeeded in overcoming the negative influences. This is a subject which should be carefully studied since learning more about it might provide ways to help others overcome negative influences.

    Perhaps your background will enable you to help others improve themselves.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 21, 2015 11:26 PM GMT
    FRE0 saidSomehow, in spite of ghastly influences, you have managed to pull yourself up and do well. That is not easy for people from that kind of background to do. Usually it requires having close contact with a more responsible person.

    Those problems are often passed on through many generations. Contrary to what some people think, it is not only black families that are affected. And, it has nothing to do with lack of intelligence. Rather, it is a matter of having a background that results in attitudes and behaviors which are incompatible with being successful in life.

    It would be interesting to know how you succeeded in overcoming the negative influences. This is a subject which should be carefully studied since learning more about it might provide ways to help others overcome negative influences.

    Perhaps your background will enable you to help others improve themselves.


    I was separated from my family at a young age (13) and not reunited until half a decade later or so. I've also always been an independent thinker and an avid reader and had a love of learning, which saved me in many ways.

    In no way am I a squeaky clean, cookie cutter person. I've had my brushes with the law and substance abuse issues in the past. I still struggle with emotional and self esteem instabilities because of the way I grew up.

    Life is by no means easy for me and probably won't be for a very long time, but it's the daily struggle towards some semblance of stability that matters (I guess)

    My life experiences and looking at the problems in our society have made me want to study sociology because there are still so many things I don't understand.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Mar 22, 2015 1:06 AM GMT
    You should be proud that you chose your own path.
    It would have been much easier for you to have followed in their footsteps yet you didn't.
    Good for you
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Mar 22, 2015 1:44 AM GMT
    venue35 saidYou should be proud that you chose your own path.
    It would have been much easier for you to have followed in their footsteps yet you didn't.
    Good for you


    ^^ My thinking exactly. ^^

    Now of only his family members would follow his example....
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Mar 22, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    Sometimes I feel jealous of you guys having family that no matter you like or hate them. no matter how shitty they are. People worry each other.
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    Mar 22, 2015 2:03 AM GMT
    Mulignan said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.



    Yes. You. Do.

    They are not your family. They're relatives but not "family." Real family doesn't treat each other like shit.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 22, 2015 2:18 AM GMT
    Radd said
    Mulignan said
    FitStriver saidGet away and stay away. Don't let bad people bring you down no matter what your history with them.



    They. are. my. family. You don't just give up on family.



    Yes. You. Do.

    They are not your family. They're relatives but not "family." Real family doesn't treat each other like shit.


    They aren't that shitty to me, I guess. I don't know, I still care about them. I just don't agree with the way they live their lives, very self destructive bunch which in turn drags me down.
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    Mar 22, 2015 2:35 AM GMT
    Mulignan said
    I just don't agree with the way they live their lives, very self destructive bunch which in turn drags me down.

    Seems like you have drawn your conclusions. Now live your own life.
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    Mar 22, 2015 1:58 PM GMT
    Mulignan said
    FRE0 saidSomehow, in spite of ghastly influences, you have managed to pull yourself up and do well. That is not easy for people from that kind of background to do. Usually it requires having close contact with a more responsible person.

    Those problems are often passed on through many generations. Contrary to what some people think, it is not only black families that are affected. And, it has nothing to do with lack of intelligence. Rather, it is a matter of having a background that results in attitudes and behaviors which are incompatible with being successful in life.

    It would be interesting to know how you succeeded in overcoming the negative influences. This is a subject which should be carefully studied since learning more about it might provide ways to help others overcome negative influences.

    Perhaps your background will enable you to help others improve themselves.


    I was separated from my family at a young age (13) and not reunited until half a decade later or so. I've also always been an independent thinker and an avid reader and had a love of learning, which saved me in many ways.

    In no way am I a squeaky clean, cookie cutter person. I've had my brushes with the law and substance abuse issues in the past. I still struggle with emotional and self esteem instabilities because of the way I grew up.

    Life is by no means easy for me and probably won't be for a very long time, but it's the daily struggle towards some semblance of stability that matters (I guess)

    My life experiences and looking at the problems in our society have made me want to study sociology because there are still so many things I don't understand.


    I like you, I would like you just from reading this alone. It looks like you matured and grew in ways they haven't. Perhaps loving from a distance (I've had to do this over the years with a few people) is the way to navigate this. Love 'em, but keep them at arm's length, a solid brick wall kind of arm's length. I really like this advice someone gave as well, " Once you have created a better life for yourself you may have something to offer your family. Then you can help them any way you can afford."