Don't Want Gay Friends, Just Dates

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    Dec 21, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    This is a weird conundrum. It seems almost all other gay men I meet these days really just want either platonic friendships with no sex, or they want exclusively sex but don't want to be friends. No one wants to long term date. And other gay men get bent out of shape when I tell them I'm really not interested in just being friends from the get-go. And why would I? I have enough straight friends and they work out perfectly fine with me. We go out together, we do stuff. I don't have that "void" in my heart like some describe where they need to relate to another gay man strictly platonically. If I wanna talk about hunky men, this girl I work with loves that stuff and so we have an amazing fag hag thing going on there.

    Gay men are a dime a dozen. But none of them will even attempt to try dating in the sense of getting to know each other to explore compatibility. Am I alone with tis problem???
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    Dec 21, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    Well... When it comes to meeting guys, I'd prefer to have some sort of communication with them even if we aren't dating. I mean like normal talking. I like learning things about people but this might stem from the fact that I don't have any "real" friends (And I'm not afraid to admit this) so communicating is fun to me.

    Even if I were trying to have a FWB type thing, I'd really like to have the friend part too but alas, hardly any guys want that. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll meet a guy who you connect with, just give it some more time. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 21, 2013 4:15 PM GMT
    Scotticvs saidThis is a weird conundrum. It seems almost all other gay men I meet these days really just want either platonic friendships with no sex, or they want exclusively sex but don't want to be friends. No one wants to long term date. And other gay men get bent out of shape when I tell them I'm really not interested in just being friends from the get-go. And why would I? I have enough straight friends and they work out perfectly fine with me. We go out together, we do stuff. I don't have that "void" in my heart like some describe where they need to relate to another gay man strictly platonically. If I wanna talk about hunky men, this girl I work with loves that stuff and so we have an amazing fag hag thing going on there.

    Gay men are a dime a dozen. But none of them will even attempt to try dating in the sense of getting to know each other to explore compatibility. Am I alone with tis problem???


    Hmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*
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    Dec 21, 2013 5:17 PM GMT
    There are tons of different creative and wonderful people. Why limit yourself to being friends only with girls?
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    Dec 21, 2013 8:58 PM GMT
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.
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    Dec 22, 2013 9:32 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?
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    Dec 22, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?

    I don't understand your question.
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    Dec 22, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    It's not hard to understand. Sometimes a guy just has enough friends.

    I don't have the social energy for more actual friends. Sure we can be facebook acquainted, or whatever you want to call it, but 5 actual friends I spend time and emotional energy on is about all I need.
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    Dec 23, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?

    I don't understand your question.


    Well if the OP finds a guy who has platonic gay friends, what will happen to them? Will he have to give them up for the OP? *wondering*
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    Dec 24, 2013 12:25 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?

    I don't understand your question.


    Well if the OP finds a guy who has platonic gay friends, what will happen to them? Will he have to give them up for the OP? *wondering*

    Now you've really lost me. Larkin's answer made sense to me. Yours I don't understand at all. Why should he have to give up his platonic friendships? Even if he had only one and he was the love of his life but they didn't have sex I wouldn't think that that would matter. At least not to me.
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    Dec 26, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?

    I don't understand your question.


    Well if the OP finds a guy who has platonic gay friends, what will happen to them? Will he have to give them up for the OP? *wondering*

    Now you've really lost me. Larkin's answer made sense to me. Yours I don't understand at all. Why should he have to give up his platonic friendships? Even if he had only one and he was the love of his life but they didn't have sex I wouldn't think that that would matter. At least not to me.


    lol, well I've been agreeing with you Lumpy, and have made a couple of observation-questions about the OP only having gay men in his life that are a romantic involvement. It's so limiting, and what if the man he finds has platonic gay friends. The OP doesn't have or want those so I'm thinking there would be an issue there as well.
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    Dec 26, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove said
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    meninlove saidHmmmm...are you saying that you wouldn't be friends with us because there's no romantic potential? That seems rather odd. *scratches head*

    Yes, I'm not understanding this either.

    And I don't think I understand the difference between dating a gay guy and just being friends with a gay guy, as far as how you would interact. To want to be with gay guys only because it might lead to a romantic relationship seems odd and definitely limiting to me.


    As well, what if the guy he gets has a bunch of platonic gay friendships?

    I don't understand your question.


    Well if the OP finds a guy who has platonic gay friends, what will happen to them? Will he have to give them up for the OP? *wondering*

    Now you've really lost me. Larkin's answer made sense to me. Yours I don't understand at all. Why should he have to give up his platonic friendships? Even if he had only one and he was the love of his life but they didn't have sex I wouldn't think that that would matter. At least not to me.


    Meninlove stated the OP believes that being friends with gay men is not necessary, so if he meets his boyfriend and his boyfriend has gay friends, will the OP have an issue with his boyfriend's friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    Yeah, I was thinking about it from my perspective. I can't imagine having problems with my boyfriend having gay friends. That would be too weird.
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    Dec 27, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    Scotticvs saidThis is a weird conundrum. It seems almost all other gay men I meet these days really just want either platonic friendships with no sex, or they want exclusively sex but don't want to be friends. No one wants to long term date. And other gay men get bent out of shape when I tell them I'm really not interested in just being friends from the get-go. And why would I? I have enough straight friends and they work out perfectly fine with me. We go out together, we do stuff. I don't have that "void" in my heart like some describe where they need to relate to another gay man strictly platonically. If I wanna talk about hunky men, this girl I work with loves that stuff and so we have an amazing fag hag thing going on there.

    Gay men are a dime a dozen. But none of them will even attempt to try dating in the sense of getting to know each other to explore compatibility. Am I alone with tis problem???


    I have always related to this. I never thought a need to have a gay friend locally nor was I when in relationship or uncomfortable around straight group. Yet I never seem to talk about my feelings and my dreams to anyone other than sometime entering prince in my life!(I know!) Also it is true that had there not been a realjock I think I would have joined some gay group here eventually icon_smile.gif