To those who have given up on finding the right guy...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 21, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    I can't count how many times I've read forums where men have a very hard time finding the right guy or have been hurt too badly to even keep waiting/searching. I was in that boat myself...for over 7 years. I tried time and time again to find a good guy and I landed on my ass every time. I was at the point where I didn't think I'd ever find a man that would stick around. Everyone in my life, from friends to coworkers told me not to worry; I'd find the right one soon enough. I never believed a word of it. Then one day, I thought about the doubts and loneliness I was enduring. I wanted someone and I had to believe he would come forward. So I forgot about what I thought was impossible and just kept moving with my life. And then..the impossible happened. Met an amazing guy and we've been seeing each other for almost a month now. I didn't see it coming but man I'm glad I don't have to look anymore. Why am I telling this story? Because if someone as nerdy and nutty as me can find a man that will stick around, any one of you can as well. Stop looking and browsing through websites. Just live your life and focus on moving forward. The moment your life begins to improve and you are okay with being alone, that's when you find the right person. Needless to say, everyone that encouraged me was right on. Glad I finally listened icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 21, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    I am happy for you icon_biggrin.gif
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Dec 22, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    Im in that same boat. Ive tried looking for potential dates and its been so hard to find the right guy. I stopped looking and started focusing on me. Still havent found him yet, but I know Hes out there somewhere. Im just tired of waiting! haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 2:20 AM GMT
    zalcland saidIm in that same boat. Ive tried looking for potential dates and its been so hard to find the right guy. I stopped looking and started focusing on me. Still havent found him yet, but I know Hes out there somewhere. Im just tired of waiting! haha.


    Yea believe me I know exactly how you feel. But yes, your guy is out there. Just gotta keep focused on yourself right now. When you stop looking and focus on you, he'll show up. Trust me, I never thought I'd go into this local spot and meet a guy like this haha. It was totally random!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    Steel101 said Just live your life and focus on moving forward. The moment your life begins to improve and you are okay with being alone, that's when you find the right person.


    LOL! I used to totally believe that. I spent several years not looking at all, focusing on improving my life, my goals, my social life, creating awesome experiences and making great friends. Then after about 4 years, I realized nobody had showed up.

    I then tried the reverse, started looking and looking. And still nobody showed up.

    I think maybe some of us are just meant to be alone for the long haul. I'm half ready to start looking for women instead.


    Steel101 said Stop looking and browsing through websites.


    Yea Good advice!!!! I am working on this one... its surprising how hard it is to stop compulsively browsing the sites, but they also tend to reinforce feelings of loneliness.
  • BryUSC88

    Posts: 198

    Dec 22, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    "I think maybe some of us are just meant to be alone for the long haul."

    I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to feel this way also. Never thought I'd say that...but yet another year is ending, and still a single guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    Hi Bry. ::Hug::

    Maybe "alone" is the wrong word. Maybe "on our own" is better.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Dec 22, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    Steel101 saidWhy am I telling this story? Because if someone as nerdy and nutty as me can find a man that will stick around, any one of you can as well.


    There are always exceptions to the rule...icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    Also... not to be a dick or discouraging to you OP, but a "almost a month" is a very short time to say he's the "right guy". I hope he is the right long term guy for you, but be cautious with losing yourself by diving in too deep too fast. Good luck and i hope it endures! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    IRFire66 saidAlso... not to be a dick or discouraging to you OP, but a "almost a month" is a very short time to say he's the "right guy". I hope he is the right long term guy for you, but be cautious with losing yourself by diving in too deep too fast. Good luck and i hope it endures! icon_smile.gif


    Lol considering how long I've been single, I know not to jump the gun too much. The fact that a guy has stuck around for almost a month is a record in itself. I have nothing to lose, so why should I be nervous?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    But you get my main point, that's all that matters..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2013 5:34 AM GMT
    Love is like a flame, it burns you when it's hot
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 23, 2013 9:53 AM GMT
    I'm really happy for you icon_smile.gifwish everything will be just awesome with the guy! and thx for giving me hope
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    Touching story. I hope if it's meant to be you guys grow old and grey together and you can share your 25th and 50th anniversary on here. I love gay relationships that work!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    Great advice. I was in your shoes at age 26 - no dates for 3 months. I felt really bored. Just one-nighters (what we used to call hook ups). I was tired of the emptiness I felt the next morning & wanted a solid b.f. of my own - - -and just wasn't finding anyone. I finally had a good friend tell me that first I had to learn to enjoy my own company! When I did this, my dry spell ended! I never had one again. Just be happy, self assured, busy, upbeat, positive, and people will gravitate to us!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 5:28 AM GMT
    3 months is a dry spell????? FML
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 6:05 AM GMT
    ^^^^^ Back at age 26, going 3 months without a boyfriend (just hook ups instead) seemed worse than it was. I didn't have the experience or maturity to realize I was just in a temporary slump. I thought something was very wrong! Now I realize I should have just relaxed and chilled out a bit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    wow, that just made my many years of single at 29 years old feel so much worse than it did 20 minutes ago.
  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Dec 24, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidwow, that just made my many years of single at 29 years old feel so much worse than it did 20 minutes ago.


    I have 7 more years of singlehood than you do. Feeling better now? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidwow, that just made my many years of single at 29 years old feel so much worse than it did 20 minutes ago.


    Sorry. I'm just explaining how I felt at a certain time of my life. I didn't know how to just relax and enjoy my own company. I felt like I had to always be "with" someone, either a one-nighter or a b.f.

    If you're not enjoying being single, there are a number of good ideas to consider. Someone bright - a friend with much more experience in life than I had at the time suggested I was spending too much time at home in my apartment. She said, "You'll never meet anyone sitting home on your living room sofa." So I began meeting more guys at the following places: At the gym; out running; at the community pools; at my alumni association meetings - parties; at my Rotary Club lunches; at the patio/pool at my apartment building; through other friends at their parties or beach volleyball games; through my former water polo teammates; at my Episcopal church; and last but not least, at outdoor patios at coffee places (like a Starbucks). I'd just go with my dog and be friendly to people who'd stop to ask about the dog. (Sometimes people are hesitant to talk to people they don't know, but if there is a dog to ask about, there you have the icebreaker).

    Enjoy being single. But if you want more people in your life, I hope these examples that worked for me might be a consideration for you.
  • R_Prototype

    Posts: 35

    Jan 03, 2014 3:18 AM GMT
    Your story is actually inspiring! Something good is already planned for all of us! All the best! icon_smile.gif