Have I found the love of my life, or am I just fooling myself?

  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Dec 24, 2013 1:31 PM GMT
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  • donnygg

    Posts: 19

    Dec 24, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    I think your post got cut off at the bottom. Do you have anything more to add?
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    Dec 24, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    Reviewing your post before hitting "submit" is important.
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    Dec 24, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    TL: DR


    But as a luker....what are your opinions on me????icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 25, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidTL: DR


    But as a luker....what are your opinions on me????icon_biggrin.gif

    If jmusmc85 put more of his old pics back up, OP might have in inclination to form an opinion.
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    Dec 25, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    He sounds like a really nice guy. Good luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 29, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    Sounds like you want him to be more considerate. You should talk to him about it. It may not go well. He may not be the type who is willing to accommodate your needs. You may not be willing to adjust to his spontaneous lifestyle. But if you talk about it, at least you have a chance to negotiate a solution to your differences. Worth a shot, if you're great together in every other way that matters, don't you think?
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Dec 29, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    A relationship without reciprocation or consideration from both ends will eventually break it apart. Showing gratitude from the attentions given by others is a sign the person from the receiving end appreciates what you do for them. Having said all that if this is a long distance relationship? no matter what little hopes or aspirations may keep it alive; I have a feeling it is not going to work anyway!? stay local my friend.
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Jan 10, 2014 6:03 PM GMT
    .

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    Jan 10, 2014 6:22 PM GMT
    Hmmm...maybe the globe wasn't what he was looking for in the way of an actual antique. I take it the one you got was a reproduction?

    Hindsight is always 20/20, so this is trite, but I probably would have said something humorous about it before he left. Like so:

    *picks up globe, looks at BF with sad expression*

    "I thought that you wanted this more than children." *pretends to sob, then laughs and winks*


    Like that. Communicating is everything, but how we communicate can be as important, sometimes more important, than what we have to say.

    warmly,

    -Doug
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    Jan 10, 2014 6:29 PM GMT
    He seems like a good guy, the globe would have pissed me off too. But you could always ask him exactly were he sees things going. I've done it before ..not always the answer I wanted to hear but what can ya do
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Jan 10, 2014 6:36 PM GMT
    meninlove said Hmmm...maybe the globe wasn't what he was looking for in the way of an actual antique. I take it the one you got was a reproduction?

    Hindsight is always 20/20, so this is trite, but I probably would have said something humorous about it before he left. Like so:

    *picks up globe, looks at BF with sad expression*

    "I thought that you wanted this more than children." *pretends to sob, then laughs and winks*


    Like that. Communicating is everything, but how we communicate can be as important, sometimes more important, than what we have to say.

    warmly,

    -Doug


    Actually, no, the one I got him wasn't a reproduction, it's authentic.

    More importantly, particularly early-on in a relationship (or even in a seasoned one)--you show consideration and gratitude, especially when the gift comes from a place of thought, sincerity, and love--to actually go beyond your own arm's length of emotional awareness.

    For example--I'm a huge Kiss fan (that's right--Detroit Rock City)--and, he sent me a set of action figures.

    When I told him they arrived, he asked me did I already have them? I said I didn't, carried on about them, told him they were awesome, etc.

    I do already have a set--but the point is, it made HIM feel better believing he had gotten me something I really didn't have.

    I guess the simplest way to put it is old-fashioned manners, and a consideration element for those around you--be it a boyfriend, partner, friend, employee--the cashier at Starbucks, where-ever.

    And--for better or worse--I have more examples--

    Maybe by the time I get done posting on here, I'll have answered my own question(s)--for better or worse.
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:09 PM GMT
    Please don't be offended, but I'm going to be blunt here.....

    It's been 3 MONTHS. Not 3 years. And you're absolutely giddy over him. This will not end well. You cannot rush getting to know each other. Talking about spending your lives together after 3 months where the majority of your time together is on Skype is absolutely ridiculous. Actually, even 3 months where you saw each other in person every day is ridiculous. This is something 20 year olds do. You have no idea who this guy is. You have no idea what he does when you log off Skype. You might as well drag your heart behind a truck on a gravel road somewhere, because that's what's about to happen to it. You need to back WAY the fuck back and let your emotions fall back to center. Put your attention back on yourself and friends and keep this guy at a distance. The endorphins floating around in your brain are telling you you know this guy, but you do not.
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:25 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidPlease don't be offended, but I'm going to be blunt here.....

    It's been 3 MONTHS. Not 3 years. And you're absolutely giddy over him. This will not end well. You cannot rush getting to know each other. Talking about spending your lives together after 3 months where the majority of your time together is on Skype is absolutely ridiculous. Actually, even 3 months where you saw each other in person every day is ridiculous. This is something 20 year olds do. You have no idea who this guy is. You have no idea what he does when you log off Skype. You might as well drag your heart behind a truck on a gravel road somewhere, because that's what's about to happen to it. You need to back WAY the fuck back and let your emotions fall back to center. Put your attention back on yourself and friends and keep this guy at a distance. The endorphins floating around in your brain are telling you you know this guy, but you do not.
    don't be so negative scruff..your always putting people down..I say just let things unfold how they would..cause if a guy just put me on a backburner I would move on to someone who would put me First
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Jan 10, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidPlease don't be offended, but I'm going to be blunt here.....

    It's been 3 MONTHS. Not 3 years. And you're absolutely giddy over him. This will not end well. You cannot rush getting to know each other. Talking about spending your lives together after 3 months where the majority of your time together is on Skype is absolutely ridiculous. Actually, even 3 months where you saw each other in person every day is ridiculous. This is something 20 year olds do. You have no idea who this guy is. You have no idea what he does when you log off Skype. You might as well drag your heart behind a truck on a gravel road somewhere, because that's what's about to happen to it. You need to back WAY the fuck back and let your emotions fall back to center. Put your attention back on yourself and friends and keep this guy at a distance. The endorphins floating around in your brain are telling you you know this guy, but you do not.


    Blunt back at you--

    I'm divorced, with kids, friends, a family, a six figure income--and a centered/balanced life.

    I got an inkling of your passive/aggressive personality type the first time I posted--as jackass comments go on internet forums, you are not unique.

    Please do not delude yourself into thinking that somehow you are.

    Going forward, do yourself a favor, and don't engage in my posts, replies, or conversations.

    Ever.

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    Jan 10, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    davidchill45 said
    Scruffypup saidPlease don't be offended, but I'm going to be blunt here.....

    It's been 3 MONTHS. Not 3 years. And you're absolutely giddy over him. This will not end well. You cannot rush getting to know each other. Talking about spending your lives together after 3 months where the majority of your time together is on Skype is absolutely ridiculous. Actually, even 3 months where you saw each other in person every day is ridiculous. This is something 20 year olds do. You have no idea who this guy is. You have no idea what he does when you log off Skype. You might as well drag your heart behind a truck on a gravel road somewhere, because that's what's about to happen to it. You need to back WAY the fuck back and let your emotions fall back to center. Put your attention back on yourself and friends and keep this guy at a distance. The endorphins floating around in your brain are telling you you know this guy, but you do not.


    Blunt back at you--

    I'm divorced, with kids, friends, a family, a six figure income--and a centered/balanced life.

    I got an inkling of your passive/aggressive personality type the first time I posted--as jackass comments go on internet forums, you are not unique.

    Please do not delude yourself into thinking that somehow you are.

    Going forward, do yourself a favor, and don't engage in my posts, replies, or conversations.

    Ever.


    Although Scruffypup was blunt, I think he was trying to help. So much for starting with, "Please don't be offended, but . . . "

    We don't often agree, but he's right about this. You seem very wound up emotionally.

    Have you tried the advice I gave earlier? Or are you afraid you'll get the same response from your boyfriend as you got from Scruffypup?
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    Jan 10, 2014 8:56 PM GMT
    Oddly enough, my first boyfriend was in Las Vegas and I lived/live in Alabama. I think I felt the same way about him the way you have, but it was my first relationship and experience so it might be a bit different.

    I think the other guys have answered this well and have much more life and dating experience than I have. I would like to mention that you REALLY need to be open and honest with him how you feel. If something hurt your feelings, let him know. If something makes you happy, let him know. Nobody is a mind reader and I think communication and honesty is so important - regardless if it's something negative or positive.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck man! You are absolutely handsome and seem so sweet too so I hope things work out. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 10, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidOddly enough, my first boyfriend was in Las Vegas and I lived/live in Alabama. I think I felt the same way about him the way you have, but it was my first relationship and experience so it might be a bit different.

    I think the other guys have answered this well and have much more life and dating experience than I have. I would like to mention that you REALLY need to be open and honest with him how you feel. If something hurt your feelings, let him know. If something makes you happy, let him know. Nobody is a mind reader and I think communication and honesty is so important - regardless if it's something negative or positive.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck man! You are absolutely handsome and seem so sweet too so I hope things work out. icon_biggrin.gif


    Ditto to the bold! Nicely stated Josh.
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    Jan 10, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    JumpMan_Josh saidOddly enough, my first boyfriend was in Las Vegas and I lived/live in Alabama. I think I felt the same way about him the way you have, but it was my first relationship and experience so it might be a bit different.

    I think the other guys have answered this well and have much more life and dating experience than I have. I would like to mention that you REALLY need to be open and honest with him how you feel. If something hurt your feelings, let him know. If something makes you happy, let him know. Nobody is a mind reader and I think communication and honesty is so important - regardless if it's something negative or positive.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck man! You are absolutely handsome and seem so sweet too so I hope things work out. icon_biggrin.gif


    Ditto to the bold! Nicely stated Josh.


    Now if only I could take my own advice for a change... hehe thanks guys :-)
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Jan 10, 2014 10:00 PM GMT
    Couple of points--just to re-iterate where I'm coming from, at least emotionally, on this--

    This isn't my first time around the block--I have been in love before, I've had a wife before, I've had many dates before, a couple of long term boyfriends before, etc., and so on.

    I left the impulsive train quite some time ago (probably when I graduated 8th grade)--no one is moving to Vegas, no one is moving to Missouri, etc, so on, and caveats.

    As well--distance is not a relationship killer--at least right here, right now.

    And one more thing--has he fallen for me, as hard as I've obviously fallen for him? He has.

    However, like everything else in life--it's a learning curve, for both of us.

    And, while I have concerns over the apparent disconnect between his words, and how I interpret some of his actions (we're talking day-to-day stuff here, social interactions, that type thing: not he's cat-calling some hot guy at the gym or whatever)...

    Even at this early stage--believe it or not--I trust him far more in a "he's just happy with me until something better comes along" sense than I've trusted most people in my life, including my now-adult kids.

    Where was I?

    Oh yeah--learning curve--at 50, we are both obviously set in our ways to a degree, but, partners have to be honest, and open to change some of their behaviors in order to accommodate the other--

    And, with ALL OF THAT said, I don't want to turn into "that guy"--, the one that always has something negative to say in the relationship, that's always finding fault with the other, nothing is ever good enough--on and on.

    We've all been around people like that, and, we all hate 'em. Most times--deservedly so.

    However, my name is not Matt, and I don't reside outside the front Door (see what I did there)...I'll have two upcoming shows at the Cabana room on Saturday.

    Anyway, it's all about balance--and that's what I'm trying to find--both in my own behavior, and my expectations of his behavior.

    However, once you pull that first rock out from under the dam, and water starts trickling through, it's a difficult proposition to examine it, manipulate it, talk about it, and get it put back in it's proper place--and keep the structure intact all the while.

    Yes, I talk in analogies and metaphors.

    Thanks for the responses so far.

    David
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    Jan 10, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    To the douchebag OP:

    Number one, I will post on ANY thread I so desire. Don't like it? Then don't post in a PUBLIC forum. Any 50 year old man who jumps into a "let's spend our lives together" relationship after 3 fucking months has a screw loose somewhere. The guy reacted so badly to your extravagant gift because it's too much too soon and you probably scared the shit out of him. Being that as it may, I was actually trying to help you. I know your type and anything other than bluntness is swept under the rug by hyperemotional guys like you. But you swept it under the rug anyway. Instead of addressing a single thing I had to say, you instead attack my character because that's much easier than facing the truth in my post. Shoot the messenger much?
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    Jan 11, 2014 1:59 AM GMT
    I think the biggest problem is the difference in your ages.
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    Jan 11, 2014 2:07 AM GMT
    You're definitely just fooling yourself if you think "Nth" is actually a degree.
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Jan 11, 2014 5:39 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou're definitely just fooling yourself if you think "Nth" is actually a degree.


    A lot of gays truly do eat their own. Congrats on your cannibalism.
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    Jan 11, 2014 10:27 AM GMT
    So let's me get this straight, You're kinda mad and doubt him because he doesn't really want to talk or text you back at a certain time?! Hm, some guys don't even text back at all ! I think your problem is more about the distance from Missouri and Vegas rather than that! Maybe it's too new, he wants to take his time to skype or he can be thinking about the whole distance thing! I'd say go easy on it, don't go all upset, psycho on him! You two should talk about it more, then decide how you feel about him then in order to proceed.