Big Crush on someone who is afraid of dating

  • newguyyul

    Posts: 3

    Dec 24, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    Hello Everyone!

    I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately, and I have now decided to ask for your advice.

    I have never been dating before. And I went on a date in September with this guy who contacted me on a website. The date went really well. And we matched so well. I am def ready to date him, and we could be really good friends too. We goodbye kissed. It was great.

    Then i went back to Europe for a month. So I was trying to keep the talking with him so we could meet up when I am back. Mid October I am back, and after some Schedule clash, we finally meeting up for a second date. It went really well too. And we goodbye kissed again. I was so happy. He is really everything i am looking for in a guy. And I am ready to date him.

    Then I left for 10 days for a Humanitarian mission. And we couldn't find a time to meet up before I left. He told me that we will some time when I am back. When I got back, I didn't hear anything from him. 1 week later I realized that It was off. And I was extremely upset as I didn't see that coming.

    2 weeks later he texted me and apologized for not replying to me. He told me that he really likes me but when it comes to Date someone, he just can't do it. it is like hitting a wall for him. He can't go forward. And he never dated before neither
    He told me that he really wanna stay in touch with me, as we click really well, and he likes me a lot.

    2 weeks later we met up at his place to watch movies and drink wine, and chilling. We ended up making out and having sex. It went really well, and I was pretty happy about it.

    But now I am a bit lost, as I don't know where we are standing. We don't text that much, and I know he is a pretty busy guy with a busy social life. I really would like to date him, and take it slowly. But on the other hand, I would love to have him as a friend too if he doesn't wanna date me.
    I am sure he has some feelings for me, or that he likes me. But I don"'t know how to handle it.
    I don't wanna spend my time texting him like: When can we see each other? But on the other end, I don't want to give up, as I have a really big crush on him and I am sure it would work out. He is such an interesting person, that I want him to be part of my "life", meaning either BF or friend.

    Any advice? Should I be frank to him and talk to him about it? Or should I play the friend card, to make him knowing me better, until we maybe start dating? Or maybe he just doesn't care... but a lot of things tells me that he likes me...

    If he wasn't interested, we wouldn't have spent 2 long dates with a goodbye kiss. And he wouldn't have apologized and contacted me to keep in touch... And we wouldn't have had sex neither if he had no interest in me. It is what I think...

    Thank you guys! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    So he doesn't want to "date" you just yet, but you've had some good times together. You'd like it to continue and maybe even take it to the next level, but he seems to be not quite so interested? Here's what I would consider doing: I'd just casually (with no pressure or anxiety) suggest you both go out for a beer or to grab dinner some time. If he remonstrates that he doesn't want to really "date" you can say - "Not a date, but we both have to eat, so why not grab dinner?" Then, if he accepts, you can just have a quiet, relaxing "non-date" and if it ends up back at his place again, great. If he declines the "non-date" then you'll know it's time to move on. He either has intimacy issues, or he's beginning to focus on someone else......you may never know unless he confides in you.

    Anyway - good luck! This is what I'd do - based on about a hundred years of dating experience.
  • newguyyul

    Posts: 3

    Dec 24, 2013 5:47 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidSo he doesn't want to "date" you just yet, but you've had some good times together. You'd like it to continue and maybe even take it to the next level, but he seems to be not quite so interested? Here's what I would consider doing: I'd just casually (with no pressure or anxiety) suggest you both go out for a beer or to grab dinner some time. If he remonstrates that he doesn't want to really "date" you can say - "Not a date, but we both have to eat, so why not grab dinner?" Then, if he accepts, you can just have a quiet, relaxing "non-date" and if it ends up back at his place again, great. If he declines the "non-date" then you'll know it's time to move on. He either has intimacy issues, or he's beginning to focus on someone else......you may never know unless he confides in you.

    Anyway - good luck! This is what I'd do - based on about a hundred years of dating experience.


    Thank you for your input! I think you are totally right. I need to back up and let things go slowly. I have a such a big crush, that i am afraid of texting, as i don't want to bother him or be too much. I am over-thinking everything... I don't recognize myself ahah. I have never felt that way before grrrr

    I think I have to show him that I care about him through my actions. And through little presents or stuff like that.

    And he is pretty good looking, so I am always thinking that he will find another guy... but he has never dated, so I am guessing that he never found a good guy in this city so...

    Oh well, we will see. But usually it is the other way around: guys are into me, but I am not interested... But I would never go further if not interested..

    Once again thank you for your input! I greatly appreciate it!!

  • newguyyul

    Posts: 3

    Dec 24, 2013 5:48 PM GMT
    leo_ saidWell I have never advised so honestly ever, its exclusive for you! Your story has just started. I feel all positive about this. Instead of confusing your mind more, just clear it off and think like a young man who is excited about someone. Sometimes its not necessary to admit statements and then carry on with it further. I would make him feel how I feel about him through my actions. I would make him feel that he is someone special. I would assure him that he is not hitting his head against a wall. You said, you wanna take it slow. Then do it. So what's your plan on christmas for this guy whom you want to date? Time for some action!


    Thank you very much Leo icon_smile.gif You are def right icon_smile.gif