Facebook Marriage and Children

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    Dec 29, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    I know this might seem kinda awkward, but taking into consideration where I am from and people I know around me, its kind of like a slow torture to live through, especially when you don't meet the expectations of society.

    For me 2013 is the year where I start to feel really awkward on the site, not shameful just a little bit more out of place than before. I have been a member of the site since 2007, most of my friends on it are from high school, many who migrated away, studied, some came back and started their careers. Outside of high school I have met many persons who I still to this day have not met in person. Just this year alone I must have unfriended and blocked about 100 of them creating a smaller circle and more manageable list.

    In my feed from time to time you will have persons who post stuff from other persons who I am not friends with but share mutual friends. To get to the point, what has kind of started to make me feel like I am the "only one on the planet who is gay" feeling is the amount of marriages and births.

    The site is constantly barraging with newly weds and first born photos. The thing is, this is the majority, not the minority, even those who have not settled down with a partner or married will gladly post pics of their bundle or bundles of joy or photos of hand in hand with wedding bands. For me personally, its not a feeling of being annoyed, but a feeling of, damn am I the only one who is stuck here? Am I the only one who was gay in high school? Personally, its not really adding much to my life and of course, if you don't congratulate and give best wishes, paranoia starts to set in that maybe others will notice.

    Writing this on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, it has made me put things into perspective.

    - Maybe its time to just block all of these people or even just delete the FB account.
    - It really does stink to be gay in JA
    - Companionship/partnership - it is not good for man to be alone.
    - Rural communities, scary place to be at 30.

    Have you had any similar experiences? If so, how have you dealt with it?
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:15 PM GMT
    Facebook is fucking lame. It's literally for married people and baby photos. . . Even tho I do have a facebook I rarely even check it anymore. It's just such a bore. It's like embarrassing to even be associated with it. It's not cool it's just a repository for aging peole shitting out offspring and then posting 60 photos of said offspring hiding behind a sofa or something. booooring
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:52 PM GMT
    Import saidFacebook is fucking lame. It's literally for married people and baby photos. . . Even tho I do have a facebook I rarely even check it anymore. It's just such a bore. It's like embarrassing to even be associated with it. It's not cool it's just a repository for aging peole shitting out offspring and then posting 60 photos of said offspring hiding behind a sofa or something. booooring


    Yes, this is what I personally have to deal with a lot these days. I don't have a problem posting a few family pics, but posting a picture of your baby three to four times per day, everyday?

    Obviously, this is future of site with those I have as friends. I am not hating on their happiness, but to be honest, sometimes it feels like they are rubbing it in a bit too much.
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:58 PM GMT
    I came off Facebook in 2007 or 2008. It is just for people bragging about their new car (bought on credit), their holiday (ditto), their perfect wedding (ditto) and their new baby (whose father is actually the Amazon delivery guy).

    Facebook bragging would be simpler and more honest if it was just a website where you put in your name, your last payslip and photos of everyone you slept with in the last month.
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    Dec 29, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    Agreed, so superficial. A friend on it had to post he is leaving the winter behind and checking into some resort in Florida. Do all your friends need to do that and exactly where you are every minute?

    This has given me even more reason to phase out the account.
  • kiwi_nomad

    Posts: 316

    Dec 29, 2013 8:03 PM GMT
    I agree that many people focus these days on making their life look awesome on facebook rather than actually living the awesome life.

    For me facebook is a tool to keep in touch with my family back home and my friends from all over the world, I even have several news feeds set up on facebook so often I found out about breaking news first on facebook rather than on the TV or radio.

    As I hate deleting friends for no reason, and that as I've traveled around and picked up new friends along the way I have over 1000 friends I too get inundated with posts about food and babies or just people ranting about the same thing on different days. I've just opted to hide particular people from the news feed rather than delete them altogether, as sometimes I find it necessary to get in touch with them later on and don't want to look like an asshole re-adding them after I've deleted them.

    I've also set up a few groups on facebook so I can target status posts to specific people, ie to my family or my car buddies so I don't spam peoples news feeds unnecessarily.

    From looking at my facebook, most of my high school friends have married off, bought houses and have started popping out children (some of which started right out of high school ten years ago!) but I don't look on in jealousy because I've chosen a different path in life and I am living it how I want to (well.. mostly!)

    As for feeling like the only gay in the village - well that might just be the case if you are in a small town! I grew up in a very small town and I couldn't wait to escape and branch out once I graduated high school and I don't regret it for a second. There is no way I would have been better off staying behind or even returning back there to live at a later date.

    Maybe your facebook is just highlighting the fact that you need to spread your wings and fly away somewhere else to live a better life?
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    Dec 29, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    kiwi_nomad saidMaybe your facebook is just highlighting the fact that you need to spread your wings and fly away somewhere else to live a better life?


    Its starting to look that way, I am making serious considerations as we enter the new year.
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    Dec 29, 2013 11:51 PM GMT
    I originally preferred it when facebook was just a college thing -- you needed a @.edu email addy to get an account. but now I like it because I'm able to stay in touch with friends and family as I live pretty far from everyone.
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    Dec 29, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    The site should be called Bestfacebook because people use it to put their best face forward. Whether single, married, gay or straight the point is to validate to others how their lives are best, especially by validating friends whose lives are similar by following them. On and offline we tend to make friends with those who are similar so naturally a dearth of comments and likes would be depressing.

    My niece is 28. I've been her Facebook friend for a few years and I've watched her and her girlfriends party, take duckface selfies, graduate college, and then within a year or two start careers, become bridesmaids for each other, and now begin to pop out kids. They're menstrual cycles are probably synced. Do you think you're depressed? How do you think her one friend who decided to go to graduate school with no intentions of marrying or having kids till 35 feels? She's probably thanking her lucky stars she's not them, and so should you.