Sorry to bother you ...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    "lol sorry for all the questions man"

    "dont mean to bug you"

    "sorry to bother you
    ".

    Do you run into these type of messages in your inbox often ? Why do so many guys feel like they have to apologize to you just to talk to you... Are gay guys that mean an antisocial in general ? Or is it just the day in age we live in that people are so unfriendly that you must apologize ? Or is it that they are trying to give a pseudo passive approach to trying to flirt ... I think its silly when i constantly get this type of message, I'm not mean. Arent we all here to talk to each other ? ...




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:51 PM GMT
    Yes, sometimes. I like taking the opportunity at that point to give them a little boost of confidence.

    Like this: "Aww, hey no need to apologize or feel you're bugging me. I like hearing from you."

    icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 29, 2013 6:57 PM GMT
    CopperDevil saidWhy do so many guys feel like they have to apologize to you just to talk to you... Are gay guys that mean an antisocial in general ? Or is it just the day in age we live in that people are so unfriendly that you must apologize ?

    It's sad, but in this day and age in Western culture any consistent form of talking/chat beyond pleasantries and small talk can be interpreted as flirting. I have learned the hard way from a guy or girl's jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. Nonetheless, I will not apologize for being social. I will still buy gifts for friends, treat them to dinner, invite them out on the town to do stuff, etc. It's sad when kindness is so scarce that people assume there is an ulterior motive behind it, but that's where we're at now...
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Dec 29, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    If the person messaging doesn't know you or hasn't messaged you before they may not want to assume its ok to message out of the blue. I think it's being polite and not out of the fact that anyone is mean or antisocial or perceived to be
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 8:26 PM GMT
    I wish I got messages from people. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    It's a social anxiety thing. As a socially...awkward person myself I can attest that I/we say "sorry" because I/we just may not be entirely confident of our social abilities in any regard for whatever reason hence we apologize. And it has nothing to do with the perceived friendliness of others or trying to be flirty. It can be but most of the time, it isn't. In fact, sometimes I feel as though when I do it, it makes myself look more friendly and not as crass. Again, not because trying to be flirty but we don't want to seem like jerks in front of anyone.

    Like I'm that type of person who will agonize if I thought the store clerk thought I was a jerk despite the fact that I'll never see this person again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 10:18 PM GMT
    I am guilty of sending messages that start with this. In my defense, I also do this in real life.

    I could explain it, but I don't want bother you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    TheQuest saidI am guilty of sending messages that start with this. In my defense, I also do this in real life.

    I could explain it, but I don't want bother you...


    lol, quest.

  • customerservi...

    Posts: 188

    Dec 30, 2013 12:32 AM GMT
    YourName2000 said
    Doug_Andrews saidIn Japan they're always apologizing, downplaying compliments, things like that.

    Here, I think in the gay culture, we are damaged from living in a straight world. It may be natural for us to be a little sheepish simply because so many of us are used to rejection.

    And we also give it a lot.

    Personally, I'll just send messages and then let the recipient decide if he wants to respond or not. Either way is okay. But no apologies, regardless.

    Doug
    http://www.writerdougandrews.info

    What a beautiful picture, Doug. Too bad it's not you. icon_neutral.gif

    You're not Freddie Smith:
    https://www.google.ca/search?q=Freddie+Smith&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=O4TAUqe7I4fK2wWBlYHQCg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1344&bih=739

    Impersonation is against the TOS. Why not upload a real pic?


    I've asked this member to change his profile pic immediately or it will be deleted.

    Jeff
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2013 6:49 AM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidIf the person messaging doesn't know you or hasn't messaged you before they may not want to assume its ok to message out of the blue. I think it's being polite and not out of the fact that anyone is mean or antisocial or perceived to be


    Truth
  • customerservi...

    Posts: 188

    Jan 10, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    Deleted *snap* icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 10:04 PM GMT
    customerservice_rj saidDeleted *snap* icon_cool.gif


    Lol! Some of us were wondering what happened to you. You just disappeared. Welcome back.

    Now can you do something about the hidden trolls - we can't block them because they're hidden.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidFor the hidden trolls please block their ability to send PMs and posts.



    Ditto.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    Begging your pardon, sir, but if I may be permitted to reply . . .

    I think it's a combination of what's been said already. Some people have such low self esteem they don't think they're worthy of anyone's time. And that low self esteem has been reinforced by jerks who don't think anyone's worth their time.

    The obvious solution is for the meek and the jerks to trade places. Uh, wait . . .

    A better solution is for timid people to stop falling for creeps. Write to nice people, make sure you have something interesting to say, and don't apologize for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidFor the hidden trolls please block their ability to send PMs and posts.


    +2

    And why are hidden/deleted lumped together, anyway? It makes a big difference whether a member has voluntarily hidden his profile or been deleted, does it not?

    If we really want to curb trolling, I would go a step further and not allow anyone without a clear, photographic face pic as their main pic to post. It won't work for everyone, but some of our members would be embarrassed to post their vitriol if it appeared next to a clear picture of their face.

    Unfortunately, this would harm people who have a legitimate reason for being anonymous, but something must be done to take this site back from the sociopaths.