Need some advice about my guy...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2008 2:09 PM GMT
    So, I've been seeing this guy for about nine months now. I like him, like....really like him!!! He's the first guy I've ever felt serious about taking things further than what they are. Alot of my friends say that we're pretty much a couple judging from the way we act around each other but I think we're holding off that label since it can add serious stress.

    The thing is... I think I'm jealous of him! Isn't that wierd?!

    1.) He's super hot! He can just easily steal a room. Just walking into a friends party the other day, he just sulked in his chair and everyone was trying to talk to him and asking for his number. He flirts right back but declined each one and walked out the door with his hand in mine. I was really proud that he was walking out with me, but super jealous at the same time. I've never had that many guys approach me in under a half hour. Seriously, whats wrong with me?!

    2.) He's super smart! He goes to college and online school, aquired a nutrionist diploma and has a full time job! I'm only majoring in one subject and no job at the moment.

    I've seriously bagged (kinda) a super guy but I cant help but be jealous of him! I know its all in my head and its my own feelings of being inferior and I should just revel in the fact that this guy is even giving me the time of day. Maybe since I'm only 20 and he's 25 and even five years can make the difference. but have any of you guys felt this way about somebody? What did you do to get over it? This is all fairly new to me and I'm not sure what to think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2008 3:21 PM GMT
    Ditch that jealousy. It's an extension of your own insecurity and it's narcissistic in a way. You're projecting your insecurity in order to put the blame on him. If you nurture it, it WILL drive a wedge between you someday. Pretty soon you'll be more or less saying 'I'm ugly what right does he have to be so handsome? I'm poor what right does he have being so successful?' Which, as you can see, is pretty irrational.

    It's good you recognize that already. The fact that he chose YOU should be enough to quell that jealousy. You think he's special, and he thinks the same of you. Else why choose you?

    He's not treating you like someone inferior is he? He's not boasting how much he earns more than you? How much more hits he gets than you?

    Then I don't see the problem. Really.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    I agree with Sed on everything...and also wonder about the "Seriously, whats wrong with me?!" comment. You need to work on that!!! Why should there be anything wrong with you? First, just asking yourself that is not healthy and you need to work on that self-esteem. And second, not getting hit on as much doesn't necessarily mean he's hotter, it means he's more approachable about the subject. I once asked why I only got hit on on rare occasions...the answer: People already assumed I was not the type to engage interest in them. Once I started to be more open, including coming out, etc...I then began to see more interest. Someone knows when somebody is hot; they engage you in flirtation or conversation when they see a positive sign in your face (most importantly a big smile). Perhaps, they are seeing that jealousy you have as a negative. From my point of view, you need to work on your own self-esteem and the changes made from getting a better view of yourself will include changes in the way people treat you and the way you view your relationship. Trust me, I've been there...it can be done and it will change your future.
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Dec 11, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    Each of us have our own ideal of beauty. B thankful he found u gud lookin, now the deeper matters will either bind u or set u apart, so its up to ur inner beauty now!

    GOOD LUCK
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 11, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    I agree, Sedative laid it out really well. You have to find a way to ignore your own jealousy and just accept that he's with you. It's okay to have insecurities, but he's given you no reason for them to be acted upon. Take those nagging voices and counter them with all the good things he's done. His actions speak loudly. You have a winner there, don't sabotage a good thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2008 10:50 PM GMT
    You're jealousy is symptomatic of low esteem and low confidence in your relationship. Either you trust your buddy, or not. Either you let others appreciate him, or not.

    If you don't address it, it'll eat you alive, and ultimately, be an ending factor.

    Work on your confidence. E.g., get a picture, profile, rest comfortably knowing who your buddy is going home with. He did nothing wrong. Let the jealousy go. Get some self-confidence / like yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2008 12:18 AM GMT
    TheEndandTheBeginning saidSo, I've been seeing this guy for about nine months now. I like him, like....really like him!!! He's the first guy I've ever felt serious about taking things further than what they are. Alot of my friends say that we're pretty much a couple judging from the way we act around each other but I think we're holding off that label since it can add serious stress.

    The thing is... I think I'm jealous of him! Isn't that wierd?!

    1.) He's super hot! He can just easily steal a room. Just walking into a friends party the other day, he just sulked in his chair and everyone was trying to talk to him and asking for his number. He flirts right back but declined each one and walked out the door with his hand in mine. I was really proud that he was walking out with me, but super jealous at the same time. I've never had that many guys approach me in under a half hour. Seriously, whats wrong with me?!

    2.) He's super smart! He goes to college and online school, aquired a nutrionist diploma and has a full time job! I'm only majoring in one subject and no job at the moment.

    I've seriously bagged (kinda) a super guy but I cant help but be jealous of him! I know its all in my head and its my own feelings of being inferior and I should just revel in the fact that this guy is even giving me the time of day. Maybe since I'm only 20 and he's 25 and even five years can make the difference. but have any of you guys felt this way about somebody? What did you do to get over it? This is all fairly new to me and I'm not sure what to think?


    Maintain your jealousy at all costs, and do not listen to people when they tell you that it's a product of your own problems, because they're wrong. There is nothing weird about being jealous; it's perfectly normal and you should accept it as a component of the relationship.

    Anyway, your relationship probably won't last, so you might as well enjoy it while it's there. He will more than likely cheat on you, or you on him.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 14, 2008 3:40 PM GMT
    You know what?

    Why don't you turn that "jealousy" into something more positive
    like making it your AMBITION to be something like he is
    You think he's smart?
    So read some of the books he likes and see what they're like
    You think he's very attractive?
    Then watch how he is in public and emulate his style or the way he dresses

    Jealousy is a wasted emotion ... it gets you no where
    turn it into something you can use
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2008 3:54 PM GMT
    It doesn't sound like jealousy as much as worship. And as long as that's the case, I don't see this ending well. I know it's easier said than done, but the best thing you can do for this relationship is start developing your own sense of self-worth.

    You seem to be in total awe of him, sort of like a fan who meets their favorite celebrity. That will start to wear on the relationship. If this is to work, it will have to be a more balanced relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2008 7:01 AM GMT
    You raise an interesting point.

    Adoration is a huge turn off.

    I wish I had $1.00 for every time I told some skinny, adoring, guy, or some fat, adoring, guy, or some regular-sized, adoring guy, that that adoration was a huge turnoff and that it just wasn't a fit.

    As my roommate explains it: "I adore you so therefore you should me" seems to be a theme. It simply doesn't work.

    Nearly daily, I get hit up by some skinny guy wanting a free trainer, and so on.

    I'm not sure that's the case here, though. It seems like the object of the poster's attention played by all the rules, and that the poster just has lots of confidence and esteem issues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2008 7:12 AM GMT
    Either get over yourself or get over him. If you can't let go of these feelings of jealousy you are going to ruin a possibly great thing. Then again you are a little young to be dating this guy. You're not even old enough to drink yet...