I need some advice :)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 30, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    Alright team, I need some advice:

    I have been hanging out with a guy for the last three months. Before me he had never even kissed a guy. At the time I wasn't ready for anything serious (recently out of a two year relationship) and thought this was pretty ideal to fool around a bit with not much commitment.

    Fast forward to my problem/confusion:

    - We get along really well, it's like we have been friends for years.

    - For someone who is not really out, he is surprisingly comfortable with himself and even is touchy feely/flirty in public.

    - we share a lot of the same interests, but have two very different careers.

    - he is a super nice and attractive guy and he has hinted about dating once, but we have not ever talked about it (I am avoiding that convo).

    - the main issue is he acts like he is my boyfriend (stays over, cooks dinner, cuddles on the couch, wants to hang out a lot). This would normally be ideal, but he is very 'new' at all this and I am at the point were I want something more serious again, but I know he is too 'new' for anything long term (he has only been with one guy aka me and isn't out to anyone).

    So what do I do?

    - try to just be friends?
    - break it off?
    - keep playing the friends with benefits role, avoid talking about getting more serious, enjoy the fake boyfriend experience and start dating other people at the same time to try and find someone who I can have a more serious relationship with? (This is what I want to do - but it feels very unfair to him).

    I am a LTR focused guy, so part of me is enjoying this and wish something could workout, but I don't want to emotionally invest in something that is likely not going to work in the long term.

    I would appreciate some perspective/advice. Thanks in advance!








  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 30, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    Not really seeing the dilemma here. Seems like you are both moving towards a relationship.

    If he is new to dating guys then he might be interested in sleeping around but equally he might be interested in trying out certain activities with someone he trusts, if you see what I mean? I am sure that could provide more than enough novelty for him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 30, 2013 10:45 PM GMT

    "For someone who is not really out, he is surprisingly comfortable with himself and even is touchy feely/flirty in public."

    Now what feeling could it be, that could make someone go outside their comfortable boundaries like that?

    " he is a super nice and attractive guy and he has hinted about dating once, but we have not ever talked about it (I am avoiding that convo)."

    ...you don't want to date him?

    "- the main issue is he acts like he is my boyfriend (stays over, cooks dinner, cuddles on the couch, wants to hang out a lot). This would normally be ideal, but he is very 'new' at all this and I am at the point were I want something more serious again, but I know he is too 'new' for anything long term (he has only been with one guy aka me and isn't out to anyone)."

    ...by chance are you saying that guys with no history of sex etc are not good enough?

    -intrigued
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 31, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    "Now what feeling could it be, that could make someone go outside their comfortable boundaries like that?"

    Fair enough, but I have been there before with guys and while it is a positive sign it doesn't mean someone is a good long term partner.

    "...you don't want to date him?"

    It is not that I don’t want to date him. It is that I am hesitant to date someone who does not have the experience to know what/if they want a LTR.

    "...by chance are you saying that guys with no history of sex etc are not good enough?"

    No, I am say that from my experience guys with no sexual history often want to experience more than one person and more importantly have not had the opportunity to figure out what they want out of a partner.