Too picky?

  • dustinj4mes

    Posts: 29

    Jan 03, 2014 4:45 AM GMT
    Anyone else ever have doubts about finding a serious relationship as a gay man because you're too picky?

    I read this article: http://stopracismandhomophobiaongrindr.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/the-igays-are-way-too-sick-turn-off-the-life-support/

    It got me thinking about how picky I am and if I have set my standards far too high. Seems like most of the attractive, fit guys are either taken or only interested in hooking up. I'm not a shallow person, at all. I've dated plenty of guys who weren't in shape, but I'm really searching for someone who is closer to my body type for once.
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Jan 03, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    I feel like Im the same way. I rarely find a guy Im really interested in. Been single for 2 years and havent had much luck with dates even though I have been keeping my eyes open. It does seem like a lot of seemingly "Mr. Right" guys just want to hook up. I know not everyone wants that, but its hard to find those few gems! Ive tried dating sites for a few years and I really havent had much luck. I guess the key is patience.
  • dustinj4mes

    Posts: 29

    Jan 03, 2014 5:12 AM GMT
    zalcland saidI feel like Im the same way. I rarely find a guy Im really interested in. Been single for 2 years and havent had much luck with dates even though I have been keeping my eyes open. It does seem like a lot of seemingly "Mr. Right" guys just want to hook up. I know not everyone wants that, but its hard to find those few gems! Ive tried dating sites for a few years and I really havent had much luck. I guess the key is patience.


    Yeah, I've only been on the hunt for about 5 months, but really no luck at all. I have a Grindr for the mere hope that someone comes along. Other than that I just find these apps and dating sites to be a complete waste of time for what I'm looking for.

    Patience is key, though. I will continue waiting, patiently.
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Jan 03, 2014 5:32 AM GMT
    [quote]

    Yeah, I've only been on the hunt for about 5 months, but really no luck at all. I have a Grindr for the mere hope that someone comes along. Other than that I just find these apps and dating sites to be a complete waste of time for what I'm looking for.

    Patience is key, though. I will continue waiting, patiently. [/quote]


    I use Grindr, scruff, jackd, okcupid, hornet haha. I agree, most of the guys you find on those apps arent really relationship material. I get on Grindr and the other apps to keep an eye out. I send people messages, but they usually lead no where. Its not like I dont try! I feel ya
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Jan 03, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    Apparently I cant quote correctly icon_razz.gif
  • squally

    Posts: 180

    Jan 03, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    I have my share of online dating experience.
    To be honest online dating is 90% a waste of time.
    I encourage people to volunteer or just get out instead of sitting behind a desk. More organic that way and at least you're doing something helpful for the world and expanding your social circle (join a board game group, or association/cause)
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    Jan 03, 2014 7:17 AM GMT
    Yep, I'm guilty of it! I think it's partly because I still feel young, been through about 2-3 bad break ups before I turned 30! I've been on many bad dates to feel a little **Jaded**. I hate that word but true! Anyway, at the end of the day, you just have to do what's best for you! There are things that I don't compromise or tolerate anymore! I wouldn't want to lead someone on if I'm not interest and I'm sure he can do the same! Dating is fun!! I'd say I'm a little bit picky but not super anal picky. Maybe Libra men are just meant to become serial daters for life just like Clooney!! icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 03, 2014 10:51 AM GMT
    dustinj4mes saidAnyone else ever have doubts about finding a serious relationship as a gay man because you're too picky?


    Yep. And I'm also a shy kissless virgin so I don't know how to begin. icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 03, 2014 6:20 PM GMT
    That article was long but you don't have to read it to know that being picky will most likely keep you single. So it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone on why they can't find a relationship. You can have all the patience in the world, but it's not going to bring you a man. Go out there and find him....and stop using the Internet as the only means of finding a date! There are plenty of ways offline to meet guys!
  • dustinj4mes

    Posts: 29

    Jan 03, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidThat article was long but you don't have to read it to know that being picky will most likely keep you single. So it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone on why they can't find a relationship. You can have all the patience in the world, but it's not going to bring you a man. Go out there and find him....and stop using the Internet as the only means of finding a date! There are plenty of ways offline to meet guys!


    I go to gay bars, occasionally, but never really have any luck there, either. It's probably just the city I live in.
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    Jan 03, 2014 10:31 PM GMT
    dustinj4mes said
    Erik101 saidThat article was long but you don't have to read it to know that being picky will most likely keep you single. So it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone on why they can't find a relationship. You can have all the patience in the world, but it's not going to bring you a man. Go out there and find him....and stop using the Internet as the only means of finding a date! There are plenty of ways offline to meet guys!


    I go to gay bars, occasionally, but never really have any luck there, either. It's probably just the city I live in.


    I tried gay bars too! But most guys in gay bars are just there to find a booty call! Lol majority of them anyway! It's hard to find a rare genuine together guy in a bar! From my experiences anyway! And also, I notice on a lot of dating sites like Match or Okcupid or whatever, most gay men have high standards/expectations! I swear I've seen about 5-7 profiles that I think the guys are perfect but in the back of my head thinking, Why are y'all still single? I came to a conclusion that they're just too picky and expect a perfect guy, nothing but the best. (Of course, the perfect guy doesn't exist).
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    Jan 04, 2014 11:55 AM GMT
    dustinj4mes saidand no, I'm not full of myself or anything. I just know that I'm not bad looking. ;) Didn't want my confidence to come off as narcissism.

    icon_lol.gif
    too late.

    5 months?
    Cincinnati?
    Get real man...work on yourself, volunteer, join a meet-up group, take that trip to Sao Miguel after graduation, then move to Colorado or may I suggest Austin where all the guys look like you.
  • mrsmithers

    Posts: 213

    Jan 05, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    I've been looking since I was 18.. No luck.. I've settled with a few good FWB.. Or hookup bud.. I've pretty much have given up on looking for a serious relationship... I know it's not going to happen..
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    Jan 05, 2014 8:13 PM GMT
    dustinj4mes said
    Erik101 saidThat article was long but you don't have to read it to know that being picky will most likely keep you single. So it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone on why they can't find a relationship. You can have all the patience in the world, but it's not going to bring you a man. Go out there and find him....and stop using the Internet as the only means of finding a date! There are plenty of ways offline to meet guys!


    I go to gay bars, occasionally, but never really have any luck there, either. It's probably just the city I live in.

    Although Cincinatti may not be gay Mecca, I doubt that difficulty in finding a relationship oriented hot guy is because of the city you live in. It is more likely your age. You might get lucky and get into a permanent relationship in the next couple years, but it is not too likely. You will find a lot more guys available 30 and up than at your age. Not suggesting that you go out with 35 year olds, but that when you get to be in your 30's, more of the guys you encounter will be available for relationships. It just seems to be a fact of life in the US that most guys in their 20's aren't ready yet to settle down. So why not find a way to enjoy the journey in the meantime?
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    Jan 05, 2014 8:22 PM GMT
    [quote]I go to gay bars, occasionally, but never really have any luck there, either. It's probably just the city I live in. [/quote]

    Cincinnati? Never been there, but I guess it's no better than Columbus, which doesn't have a good gay scene.